Seattle's Got No Balls -- For Snow Removal

I apologize ahead of time for posting a non-sports related topic on a sports blog, but this is a pressing matter and all the Seattle teams still suck. It's now been five days since the last and biggest in a series of snowstorms here, and side streets are still more rutted than a ranch road. Granted, it doesn't snow much here, but the city has been undone by more than its inexperience dealing with the "white stuff." We're also suffering from a typical case of Seattle pansiness.

The Times got to the heart of the matter earlier this week in this article, and the question still remains: why doesn't the city use salt on the roads? Amazingly, Seattle equips its 27 snowplows with rubber blades, purposely trying to pack things down. (Portland has about 50 plows --another transportation realm where the Rose City beats us.) So let me get this straight: you're sending out snow PLOWS that you know are just going to pack down the snow, and you're happy with that? Really? That's like a coach announcing before a game that he just wants his team not to get blown out: "Look, we're going to give almost our all -- not 110%, but maybe 68% -- and I hope we just lose by 10 points," he would go on to say.

Salt is used with much success in other parts of the country, but the city refuses to use it because it can harm salmon. Again, let me get this straight: salt might run off into streams that drain into Puget Sound. Then the salmon would be like, "Hey, is that salt that I taste? Damn, I'm swimming back to the ocean, where it's less...um...salty." But the state DOT uses salt and the city uses sand and chemical de-icer. So what is gained here? I'm sure the salmon love the chemicals from the de-icer. And at least Seattle can say Puget Sound is no brinier because of the Emerald City -- that's all the state's salt degrading the pristine waters of the Sound.

Then there's this article positing that sand might be more harmful to fish than salt. So Seattle's environmental sensibility might not just be ridiculous in this case, but also flat-out wrong. Then Mayor Greg Nickels has the gall to give the city a grade of "B" in its efforts to clear the roads. I'd love to see the road leading to his house, because he clearly doesn't live on my street.

The streets are so bad, KING 5 had to Get Jesse! on the case. What's enlightening about this piece (besides the fact Jesse is about to have an aneurysm) is that you need to call the city to request a plow to clear your street. A freaking request? Isn't keeping streets clear part of the city's job? Last I checked, I didn't have to call Seattle to pick up my garbage, although at this point maybe I do. I suppose I should also request to have electricity in my apartment, and water in my toilet.

Look, it's not like you'd have to use salt in Seattle 20 times a winter. If they'd spread it around several times the last week, we'd be out of this mess and probably wouldn't have another salt-requiring storm again for 10 years. Even more maddening is that the city actually has salt on hand, but won't use it. And let's not make this out like only anti-environmental red states use animal-killing salt. Such blue enclaves as New York, Vermont and Maine use salt with impunity and success, and my travels there have been smoother because of it. Granted, I wouldn't drive my old '57 Chevy on a salt-treated road, but that's only because I don't have chains that fit the whitewalls.

Seattle makes a lot of noise about being a world-class city, and it's obviously got a lot going for it. But it has absolutely fallen down on the job, and we're all falling on our asses because of it. But no matter, this will take care of itself. The snow is already turning to rain and that will wash all of this away. But not before we get flooded streets from melting snow left over by a half-assed cleanup made even more impotent by misplaced priorities.

We Hate '08

We all know 2008 was a terrible sports year here, but this article by Seattle-based ESPN.com writer Jim Caple really brings it home and lets the rest of the country in on our misery. A combined 65-124 record combined among the Mariners, Seahawks and Huskies, 3 coaches or managers fired and 1 departed team only begin to tell the story. Bring on 2009, because it can only get better.

Seattle's Got (Snow)Balls

Our gate assignment changed three times and the flight was 90 minutes late. Aside from that, everything was great. So what was the reaction when we landed? Applause, of course. Such was the feeling of amazement when we touched down at Sea-Tac Sunday night. Given how much snow was on the runway and how heavily it was snowing at the time, I think everyone on our plane was incredulous we even landed. A visit to the terminal and a tour of a paralyzed city only confirmed that.

I'd spent the weekend in sun-dappled Tucson, where highs hung out in the mid-60s. But I kept a jealous eye on the weather in Seattle. Jealous, because I'm a geek for snow, or maybe just a geek. I barely missed a snowstorm as I flew out on Thursday morning and I alighted late for the meat of Sunday's event as well -- and I regretted both. I always got excited for snow when I was growing up in New York and snow is rare enough in Seattle. This storm shows how rare.

Looking for ground truth, I checked out highlights of the Seahawks-Jets game from a bar at the Salt Lake City airport during my layover. Yup, it was snowing. But even though the Seahawks beat Brett Favre on the frozen tundra of Qwest Field, at least one Jet got a victory of sorts. Seattle's sports scene is so lame that even when fans win, they lose.

When I got off the plane, I felt I had stepped into Port Authority or Penn Station. People were sleeping on any piece of floor they could find. Loads of cancelled flights threatened to condemn travelers to a scene out of one the lesser-known carols: "Christmas at Sea-Tac." At the baggage claim, orphaned luggage beckoned.

I have a thing about trying to preserve snow on my car as long as possible. One time while living in Maine, I kept snow on the roof of my Subaru for three straight weeks, diligently tending to the base like a ski area groomer. When the last piece of frozen crust flew off while I sped down the Maine Turnpike, a piece of me went with it. So I had high hopes when I returned to my car at Sea-Tac. I wasn't disappointed. Heavy snow and strong winds had created the kind of cornices I'd only seen on exposed mountain ledges. I waved off the broom-wielding parking attendant and brushed off the equivalent of eyeholes on my windshield.

Snow seems to bring back long-ago associations better than most phenomena, so when I pulled onto the snow-packed road, I felt I was back in New York or Maine. Plows had clearly been through, but the road surface didn't appear to be treated with anything (unlike in the Northeast, where salt successfully wages battle against snow and ice). A few cars rattled by with chains, a surprising sight and sound outside the mountains. But State Route 99 did its best impression of Stevens Pass; the dreaded "compact snow and ice" meant my tires never touched ground. It was a ghostly drive home, and what few cars I saw inched along. A pickup truck sat abandoned along the side of the road.

I think it would have taken at least twice as much snow as this to lay low other northern cities. It's nice that we have creative people who make snowpeople like the one pictured above, but why can't they deal with snow here? We don't live in Miami, and snow is always just a mountain trip away. But apparently Armageddon has arrived and its calling card is white. I hope we survive.

If going from Tucson to snow wasn't enough, I got other hints my trip was over. As if to say that I wouldn't be needing my clubs any more, the airline broke the kickstand on my golf bag. But at least it was a gradual comedown from highs in the 60s to chilly Seattle; the temperature in my apartment when I returned was 52 degrees.

Huskies Football: Coming Soon to a Theater Near You

UW has released a video to get us pumped up for the new era of Huskies football. It's your basic action-movie trailer: fast cuts, speeding graphics, and a shrieking orchestral score only slightly less bombastic than Carmina Burana.

The quote from Sarkisian is pretty good, though maybe they could've done a bit more judicious editing so he didn't start by saying: "This is 2008." Well, yes. It is.

What do you think, fellow SGBers? Are you ready for some non-losing football?

Hi, I'm Steve

You can't judge a coach's ability by his first press conference, but if Steve Sarkisian's initial media meet-and-greet is any indication, he realizes the importance of public relations. At least on TV, the event had the feel of a pep rally, and fans packed the Don James Center. Sarkisian hit all the right notes, honoring UW's past glory -- including the school's defeat of BYU in 1996, when Sarkisian himself was sacked 8 times -- while pumping up supporters for a bright future.

The 34-year-old Sarkisian oozed passion and energy, even as he lapsed into oxymoronic coachspeak (example: when asked how long it would take to turn the program around, Sarkisian said, "It's going to take some time, but that doesn't mean it can't happen fast." Huh?). But what you took away from this stagecraft was that UW has a young guy who will be a dogged recruiter ("The top players in this state should never leave") and will relate to fans. The loudest applause came when Sarkisian announced he would open up practices to the public and the media, something Tyrone Willingham was criticized for not doing. Sarkisian apparently learned a few tricks from Pete Carroll's PR manual and he knows how not to be Willingham.

What other Pac-10 schools may be privately applauding is that Sarkisian will continue to call plays for UW. Some USC fans bashed his play-calling while urging him to be fired. Still, he preached protecting Jake Locker better and intimated that he'd like his QB to run less and pass accurately more. Sarkisian has worked with some of the best college quarterbacks in recent years, so Locker should benefit from his new coach's experience.

Sarkisian will continue working for USC through the Rose Bowl, then take the reins here on January 2nd. It will be months before he has a chance to win a game for UW, but Sarkisian already appears to have won over many fans. Unlike his predecessor, Sarkisian seems to realize the importance of first impressions and how big a role PR plays in a job like this.

Sarkisian, Sarkisian: He's Our Man!

Well, apparently the search is over and UW's hire is a guy who was barely mentioned the last few weeks. That could mean Steve Sarkisian was way down on Washington's list or the administration was really good at employing red herrings. Either way, it sounds as if he aced the interview. According to Bob Condotta of the Times, "One source said (UW athletic director Scott) Woodward was blown away by Sarkisian's interview and decided to go with a young, energetic face to take over for the fired Tyrone Willingham."

Here's what we do know: Sarkisian is the 34-year-old offensive coordinator for USC, and is also reportedly USC's recruiting coordinator. The hire is getting mixed reviews on one Husky blog, which is natural when you bring in a relatively unkown quantity like Sarkisian. On its face, hiring a kid with no head-coaching experience smacks of a mid-major or the Oakland Raiders. Then again, some point out, Bob Stoops was never a head man before Oklahoma lured him away from Florida.

Consider several points here that could make this a very good get. If Sarkisian has as much to do with recruiting as his title implies, then UW should welcome him with open arms. USC has talent to burn every year, although that's more about Pete Carroll than Steve Sarkisian. (And this year SC's defense is more dominant than its offense.) Still, Sarkisian had to have made some solid California recruiting connections that he can bring here.

Sarkisian also no doubt had a hand in developing former Heisman winners Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart, since he was twice quarterbacks coach at USC (sandwiched around a year with the Raiders). He is a former QB himself and led BYU to a 14-1 record in 1996 (who plays a 15-game season?), with the only loss, ironically, against UW. This hire had to be made with Jake Locker in mind, who would be clapping at this news if he didn't have a broken thumb.

Sarkisian comes from good coaching stock, having worked under Carroll and former USC offensive coordinator (and current UCLA OC) Norm Chow. Chow is known as an offensive genius and is probably the best coach never to get a head job. He was also Sarkisian's offensive coordinator at BYU and hired him at USC in 2001. What is troubling here, though, is that Sarkisian and Chow apparently haven't spoken in four years. This LA Times article intimates that Sarkisian helped push Chow out the door in 2005, although Carroll seems to be at least as culpable for this as Sarkisian. Lack of ambition seems not to be an issue with young Sark.

On the other hand, some in Trojan Nation had become disenchanted with Sarkisian's playcalling. This article shows surprising fan vitriol against Sarkisian's abilities, especially compared to Chow's. Perhaps Lady Dice could weigh in on this.

With this hire, UW officials had to go in the opposite direction of a Tyrone Willingham, and they did. In getting a young energetic coach, the school is hoping to fire up an unhappy and shrinking fan base. Despite his youth, he's a guy who already has a recruiting track record and success working with quarterbacks, the position most crucial to UW's potential success. From afar, he seems barely indistinguishable from another potential UW coaching candidate: Lane Kiffin, now the head guy at Tennessee. Of course, some are already grumbling that Washington didn't get a high-profile head coach with previous success, a la Mike Leach; what about that big splash UW was supposed to make? Of course, nobody is going to please everybody, and as with any decision that's hours old, we'll just have to wait and see what happens. But either way, it's a gutsy move on UW's part, with all the risks and potential rewards that come with it.

Is It Over?

ESPN says USC's Steve Sarkisian will be the UW's next coach.

Fetch, take it away!

A Tale of Two Searches

What do shadowy airport sightings, parking attendants and anonymous sources have in common? They've been the public face of UW's search for a new football coach. We knew Fresno State's Pat Hill and Texas Tech's Mike Leach interviewed for the job because of leaks. Initially we found out Hill was on his way to Seattle because two parking attendants said they saw Hill's car at the Fresno airport.

Granted, Sunshine Laws don't apply to coaching searches. Administrations and front offices don't have to tell the public anything along the way, and most don't. So that's what makes Mariners Jack the GM unique. He gave almost daily updates on who he was interviewing for the manager's job and then allowed them to talk to the media as well. Of course, he's not above making Captain Obvious statements like this (referring to possibly trading Adrian Beltre and JJ Putz): "I'm in no mood to give anyone away. I'm in the mood to improve this ballclub." But following Bill Bavasi, who combined KGB-like secrecy with FEMA-like ineptitude, at least Jack the GM is reaching out to a fan base that badly needs a hug.

Two coaching searches for two crummy teams, done in two totally different fashions. I'm not surprised by UW's approach, but the Mariners' path shows more accountability and respect for fans. UW could take a page from the Mariners, and how often have we been able to say the M's are worth imitating?

UW: The Nadir

I was snookered. Consider it the last time I overestimate an 0-10 team. After the Huskies stole defeat from the jaws of victory in a 16-13 double-overtime Crapple Cup loss to the Cougars, it can't get any worse for UW -- except that it can. The Huskies will be heavy underdogs against Cal Saturday in a quest to go 0-12. Wow. The only winless team in major-college football is also one that made a Rose Bowl this decade and won a national championship during the last one, all the while a Top-20 program. The fall from grace is complete. So how did Tyrone Willingham drive this train so far off the rails? It's instructive to look at Willingham's past to see how his present is so bad.

It's hard to remember that four years ago Willingham was a hot coaching prospect. He had success and moral outrage on his side after getting canned by Notre Dame. His ouster after a three-year record of 21-16 caused consternation among some Irish faithful who felt the school debased itself in the name of winning at any cost. Prior to that, Willingham was successful in Palo Alto, where he brought Stanford -- Stanford! -- to a Rose Bowl. (It's also hard to remember a time when USC didn't have a stranglehold on the Pac-10). But what those schools have in common are high academic standards. Willingham was a success working under those circumstances, but apparently doesn't have what it takes to operate outside them.

I imagine Willingham in living rooms coming across as a military recruiter, exuding confidence and integrity, while appealing as much to parents as he does to the athlete. When you're recruiting people considering Stanford or Notre Dame, you're dealing with kids who are real student-athletes, insofar as they exist in major-college football. Presumably they're successful at juggling the rigors of football with long hours of classwork. By and large, they're self-motivated. But at a place like UW -- or most schools, for that matter -- where more external motivation is needed, Coach Ty fell flat.

Willingham clearly failed as a motivator. He has the charisma of dry toast, and his press conferences and interviews are notoriously bland, even by the diluted standards of coachspeak. You don't have to be a quote machine to be successful, but it helps to change your expression once in a while. Pete Carroll, Nick Saban and Mike Leach are different in that they're affable, slick and quirky, respectively, but they all have personality. In addition to being good recruiters, they seem to get through to their players most of the time. But Willingham never got through to his UW teams. (Also, Willingham didn't recruit well early on, but his recent classes have been better. I bet a better motivator has more success with Ty's players next year.) His stoic demeanor looked more distant and icy as the losses mounted. At schools like Stanford and Notre Dame, Willingham could get away with the edict-from-on-high thing, but that didn't cut it at UW. Willingham didn't motivate his players, and if you're not a motivator, you're not really a coach.

Despite all this, I still think Willingham can be successful elsewhere. UW fans probably don't care where Willingham goes, just that he is going. But install Ty at a service academy or a brainy school and he can win again, and some schools fitting this description might soon have openings. It's not hard to picture Willingham at Vanderbilt, where Bobby Johnson has the Commodores poised to go to a bowl for the first time since 1982. Certainly bigger programs will come calling, and Johnson's name has been linked to the Clemson vacancy. Northwestern has won 9 games under hot young coach Pat Fitzgerald, but it's not clear if he wants to leave Evanston; Fitzgerald was a linebacker on the Wildcats team that made the 1996 Rose Bowl. Rice is also uncharacteristically bowl-eligible, and the Owls' fan base might approve of an established name like Willingham if that job were to open up. (Lt. Daniels could weigh in on this). But it's also quite possible that Willingham's reputation is so bruised by his UW failure that he has to take an assistant job somewhere.

Fans might disagree, but I think the UW program is in better shape than when Willingham came on four years ago. That's not saying much because he took over a house in shambles, following a 1-10 season in 2004. The team had little talent and was still dealing with the aftermath of Rick Neuheisel's malfeasance. These days, the program is cleaner, and if you surround Jake Locker with a modicum of talent next year, UW will win at least a few games. Nonetheless, much of UW's failure clearly lies at the feet of its coach. He didn't recruit well enough early on, and his style was a bad fit at a place like Washington. It's almost too bad because it confirms the old adage: nice guys finish last.

UW head coach rumor mill

The news came out yesterday that the University of Washington interviewed Notre Dame offensive coordinator Michael Haywood to replace Ty Willingham. I can't imagine that Haywood is a serious candidate, because 1) Notre Dame's offense stinks and 2) he is not even calling the plays for the shitty Notre Dame offense.

More significantly, I think he's not a big enough name that will appease the fans. The school wants someone who creates buzz and I just don't think the mastermind of the shitty Notre Dame offense is that guy.

The Dice Game and Lady Dice were at dinner with some friends talking about this news when Dice Friend, an individual who happens to be in the know about these things, shocked us. I asked, "Dice Friend, who do you think is going to be the next UW coach?"

"Jim Mora, Jr."

Isn't this the same individual who is under contract to coach the Seahawks next year? The chosen one? Dice Friend said it doesn't matter and that the Seahawks will not hold him to the contract because of the PR disaster it would cause locally if the team prevented him from taking the UW job. Even more surprising was the next name thrown out by Dice Friend.

"Mark Richt."

The Georgia coach? Why would he leave a top flight SEC school with fertile recruiting to come coach at UW? Dice Friend says money. Georgia is apparently not compensating Richt that well and UW is willing to pay to make a big splash. Richt can recruit, but can he coach? Is there a more disappointing team this season in college football than the Georgia Bulldogs? That whole idea seems crazy to me.

One coach that had been mentioned -- Gary Pinkel from Missouri -- seems like he's now off the market for the UW job.

I just share the knowledge. Y'all can discuss.

Waka Waka Waka

Don Wakamatsu. We don’t know anything about him. The one thing I get from reading the papers is that he’s detail oriented, which I guess puts him more on the roto-geek side of things than the gut feeling side. But that doesn’t tell us whether he’ll be any good; you can be a good roto-geek manager or a bad one, and you can be a good gut feeling manager or a bad one.

He’s worked for every single team in the American League West. He says he thinks it helped him get the job, but I don’t understand how being the bench coach in Texas a while ago helps you beat Texas now.

As a minor league manager, he compiled a losing record. That goes against Jack the GM’s claim that a history of winning would be a primary consideration, but minor league managers’ records don’t mean anything. Your personnel is moving around all the time, and the emphasis is on developing players, not winning. So let’s give him a pass on that for now.

In short, I see every reason to be optimistic. So far, it looks like the Mariners did right by hiring Jack the GM. And it looks like the organization is committed to building a long-term winner instead of a short-term loser. So that’s be a nice change.

I do have one concern. Well, concern is too strong, but it might be something to watch. Everybody has heard the rumors that Ichiro gets special treatment, and that that’s the main reason the players were having fist fights in the clubhouse last year. The next step in that speculation is that there are larger issues between the Latin players and the Japanese players. Wakamatsu is Japanese, and it makes you wonder how the Latin players—Felix, Yuni, Beltre, Jose Lopez—will react. Or how Ichiro and Johjima will react.

On the other hand, Wakamatsu is a relatively young guy who grew up in Oakland. Somehow, it seems like he has a better chance to deal with any cultural complexities that might arise than the old white dudes from bumblefuck who we’ve been hiring to do the managing.

Sour Apples

On November 23, 2001, college football fans from Piscataway, NJ to Berkeley, CA -- and nowhere in between -- eagerly awaited the kickoff of the Cal-Rutgers game. Each team hoped the other would cure what ailed them. And that season, there were nothing but ailments for both clubs. Rutgers entered the game 2-8, while Cal sported an 0-10 record, in a contest that featured future NFL underachievers Kyle Boller and L.J. Smith. AND, the hype had been building all season. The game was pushed back to November from mid-September because of the 9/11 attacks. So as fall eased toward winter along the banks of the Raritan, the excuses were over. The Battle of the Beatens was on!

That tilt is the closest I can come to approximating Saturday's Apple Cup. Like Cal, UW comes in 0-10 (I'll get to some more exciting parallels later), while Wazzu is 1-10. While we've documented the Huskies' putrefaction in this space all year, the Cougars might be worse. Aside from beating Jerry Glanville's hapless Portland State squad, WSU hasn't been competitive in a single game. They've given up at least 58 points six times and injuries forced them to hold an open-campus casting call for a quarterback. Consider that Saturday's loss to Arizona State represented the smallest margin of loss since October 4th. Consider that WSU lost 31-0. Since UW "only" bowed to ASU 39-19 last week, give the Huskies the edge. Meanwhile, Dennis Erickson is petitioning the NCAA to let the Sun Devils play WSU seven times next year, and UW the other five.

But unlike that pillow fight seven years ago, this Sour Apple Cup is a rivalry game. You know, you can throw out the records for this brawl. If only we could. Both sides always say that beating the other validates their season. For this year's winner, it'll be like a cherry on top of a triple turd sundae. 

Rivalry or not, is this not the worst game between two BCS schools since Cal-Rutgers? Let's open up the phone lines. Hello? Hello? Um, is this thing on? With a nod to Stanklin, cue the tumbleweeds. When you consider that UW and WSU have both played in Rose Bowls this decade, Saturday's game is even more shocking in its awfulness. 

But a history lesson from The Battle of the Beatens could offer solace to both UW and WSU. Late in 2001, Cal's head coach Tom Holmoe resigned as the season circled the drain, while UW's Tyrone Willingham is also "stepping down" at the end of the season. Cal brought in Jeff Tedford, who has turned the Golden Bears into a winning program, while now being mentioned as an outside candidate for the Husky job. Meanwhile, 2001 was current Rutgers head coach Greg Schiano's first year. Since then, he's brought the Scarlet Knights to unprecedented heights and rebuffed offers from bigger programs. WSU is also led by a first-year coach and former WSU football player Paul Wulff. Coincidence? Of course not. 

On November 23, 2001 in front of 18,111 fans, Cal beat Rutgers 20-10, sending coach Holmoe out a winner and euthanizing a season for two piss-poor teams. Ergo, my Sour Apple Cup prediction: UW 20, WSU 10, with Tyrone Willingham getting a turd sundae shower in place of Gatorade. 

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's to blame for it all?

In honor of Rick Neuheisel's return to Husky Stadium on Saturday, we thought we would serenade him with the lyrics of the hip-hop icon whose nickname he has been bestowed.

Best believe monas a virgin
A virgin? ! honey needed a slap
She tried to tell me shes a virgin -- with her yea wide gap
I said, it dont matter, see, Im not picky (word)
Let me spell my name out for you, its ricky:
R -- ravishing
I -- impress
C -- courageous; so careless
K -- for the kangols which Ive got
That I wear everyday and
Y -- why not?

Good lord, pay your respects to Rick the Ruler!

The liberal Seattle elite media has filled its pages this week with stories about how Slick Rick is to blame for the state of UW's football team. While I have no love for Slick Rick and hope to see him fail miserably at UCLA, he's not to blame.

Let's think about this. After Slick Rick left Colorado, the program lost five scholarships for one year, and was put on two years' probation for 51 rules violations while he was the coach. It's impossible to commit that many violations in a four-year period of time without leaving fingerprints. Did someone at UW perform some due diligence on this guy? How hard would it have been to go over to Colorado and see if the players go to classes? Are the players completely out of control?

Either UW knew what it was getting in Slick Rick and looked the other way or it didn't know because it didn't check thoroughly into his background. Either way the blame rests with the people who hired him. Slick Rick only did what comes natural to him. The scorpion and the frog. As Too Short once asked, "why you tryin' to turn a ho into a house wife?"

The Final Seven

SGB hates to say I told you so, but I told you so. I won’t be eating any pizzones, because, as I predicted, the Fab Five of Lloyd McClendon, Bobby Valentine, Art Howe, Willie Randolph, and Ned Yost aren’t on the Mariners’ managerial short list. In fact, it looks like they weren’t even on the long list.

I was thoroughly wrong about which Red Sox coaches would get the call—I thought it would be John Farrell and not DeMarlo Hale and Brad Mills, but it is in fact DeMarlo Hale and Brad Mills and not John Farrell—but I will make you another wager. If Hale (DeMarlo, not Chip, another candidate) or Mills gets the job, I’ll buy a round of pizzones for the entire SGB staff.

So here is the list: DeMarlo Hale (Red Sox third base coach), Brad Mills (Red Sox bench coach), Chip Hale (Diamondbacks third base coach), Joey Cora (White Sox bench coach), Jose Oquendo (Cardinals third base coach), Don Wakamatsu (Athletics bench coach), and Randy Ready (Portland Beavers manager).

There are four noteworthy things about these candidates: They’re young, they don’t have any major league managerial experience, the majority of them aren’t white (in Barack Obama's post-racial America, there is hope that these guys aren't affirmative action interviews and are instead on the list because Jack the GM wants them on the list), and they’re affiliated with well-run organizations. According to Jack the GM, it was this final characteristic—their history of winning—that put them on the list, and it will be leadership ability (whatever that means) that puts one of them on top.

As I said last week, I like Joey Cora. He’s young, he’s Latino, and he’s a fan favorite from his playing days in Seattle. Jose Oquendo doesn’t have the Mariners pedigree, but like Cora he’s a young Latino coach who used to be a decent middle infielder. Randy Ready has the best name in the group, but some SGB staffers watched the Portland-Tacoma tilt this summer, and frankly, Ready’s Beavers didn’t look very tight. I can’t say that I know enough about Chip Hale or Wakamatsu to make a judgment, but the larger point is this: This list gives me even more hope that Jack the GM is going to straighten the M’s out. Nobody knows enough about what goes on during the interview process to determine if, say, Chip Hale can manage personalities better than DeMarlo Hale, but we do know enough to say that Jack the GM is throwing conventional wisdom out the window.

And this team has run on conventional wisdom for the last decade. See this post for my overly long explanation of the “good baseball man” mentality that keeps the Mariners from being a “good baseball team.” By next week, we’ll know which of these seven guys is at the helm, and then the real work begins: Jack the GM will put together the team for the manager to manage. Right now, I trust that he knows what he’s doing. It’s a refreshing change to get the sense that the Mariners GM might be better at his job than I would be at his job.

Be My Valentine?

Jack the GM is about ready to start interviewing managerial candidates. So far, he's not tipping his pitches. "I do think what we're looking for is the best possible person," he said. Got that?

In the absence of any hints from Jack the GM, reporters put together a list of candidates by asking him, "What about person X?" He says, "Maybe so," and then wham! Person X is on the short list.

So we're hearing a bunch of names that sounds like the list of candidates for worst manager of the year, circa 2002. Lloyd McClendon? Seriously?

Then there's the Mets trinity of failure: Bobby Valentine, Art Howe, and Willie Randolph. (Is Dallas Green still alive?) Everybody's talking up Ned Yost, because he has a relationship with Jack the GM from their Brewers days. But the Brewers shitcanned Ned Yost right before their pennant run, so I'm not buying that.

The only reason we're talking about these also-rans as candidates is that we have to talk about somebody and they're the names we know. If it's any one of the five people mentioned above, I'll eat two Pizza Hut Pizzones in one sitting for free.

There was some buzz in the Times this morning about a few members of the Red Sox staff (John Farrell, DeMarlo Hale, and Brad Mills), but that's probably because somebody got interviews with Theo Epstein and Terry Francona. Of the three, Farrell's the most likely possibility. DeMarlo Hale is too intense, and intense is out since Joe Madden the baseball Buddhist meditated his way to the World Series. Brad Mills is just Francona's buddy from college.

Right now, the name I've heard that makes the most sense is Joey Cora. He's a legend in Seattle, and that helps when the Mariners brand is taking a beating. He's young, and that helps when the Mariners are rebuilding with young guys. (Bobby Valentine may be famous, but I don't see Yuniesky buying into his antics.) He's Latino, and that helps when many of the Mariners young guys are Latino, too.

In the end, whomever they pick, what matters is not who it is but what it says about the way Jack the GM wants to run the team. The manager will be like Palin in that way. She was an awful pick, which was bad in its own right, but even worse because it showed that McCain wasn't serious about governing.

Here's hoping that Jack the GM names a manager who shows he's serious about rebuilding smart.

Beavers in 2012

This isn't really Seattle-related, but it'll be interesting to see how the President-elect's brother-in-law does at the Pac-10's basketball doormat.

Ease our pain

SGB, along with the rest of the country, is still in awe of what happened last night with the election of Barack Obama. The problems of Seattle sports fans seem insignificant by comparison. That said, we still have to feed the beast so I will pass along this link.

Chris Ballard from Sports Illustrated synthesized what we have been saying for months. It's a bad time to be a Seattle sports fan or as Ballard puts it, "once-in-a-lifetime badness."

Enjoy

Nothing to do with Seattle, but this is too good to pass up.

A Winning UW Team?!

We know the Sonics are gone and the Seahawks and Huskies are awful. What we could find out, however, is that a UW team might be good this season. The Huskies basketball team has some arrows in its quiver and should finish in the top half of the Pac-10.

UW looks to rebound from last year's losing record because head coach Lorenzo Romar is much better than football coach Ty Willingham in one key area: recruiting. As Stanklin recently noted, Lute Olson's retirement allowed UW to persuade Abdul Gaddy to stay home. That's luck more than anything else. But Romar has convinced more local talent to come to UW than his predecessors. And he's done it at a place that's historically a football school.

New to the team this year is Isaiah Thomas (not the suicide-attempting one, although the younger version got his name because his dad lost a bet during 1989 NBA Finals between the Pistons and Lakers). The 5'8" Tacoma product is a guard in the Nate Robinson mold: he averaged 31 points his junior year, before spending two years at a prep school in Connecticut. He's ranked as the #23 shooting guard by Scout.com, although he'll probably play the point at UW. Either way, he should be able to contribute immediately.

The big gun returning is All-America candidate Jon Brockman. The senior from Snohomish averaged nearly 18 points and 12 rebounds last year and, as they say, leaves it all on the floor. And according to his bio, Jay Bilas considers him the best rebounder in the nation. That should count for something, no?

Junior guard Quincy Pondexter should also be a solid contributor, as he moves back into the starting lineup after coming off the bench most of last year. He is the last vestige of UW's version of a Fab Five recruiting class. Led by Seattle product Spencer Hawes, that group was expected to anchor the team for years. But Hawes inadvisedly jumped to the NBA after one year (he would be a junior this year if he'd stayed), and others transferred, but that's hardly Romar's fault. Such is life in college basketball these days.

The Huskies have reached unprecedented heights under Romar. They were a #1 seed in the '05 NCAA Tournament, and that was the first of two straight trips to the Sweet 16. Those squads were led by Nate Robinson and then Brandon Roy, two Seattle studs who chose to stay home. Romar could easily have jumped to a higher-profile program after that, but the UW alum also chose to stay home. If Hawes had wisely chosen to hone his game here rather than languish on the end of the Sacramento Kings' bench, we might be talking about a top-15 team.

As it is, the Huskies are being picked to finish fifth in the Pac-10, but that was before Olson bolted from Arizona. UW has gotten some Top-25 votes, and they could make some hay in conference. UCLA is still stout, even after losing Russell Westbrook and Kevin Love, and Arizona State and USC are also expected to be strong. But Washington State should be down after losing most of last year's starting lineup and there's flux elswhere: four Pac-10 schools have new coaches.

UW's out-of-conference schedule ranges from brutal (Kansas) to cupcake-esque (Portland and Portland State, Cleveland State and Lehigh among others). But it definitely tends more toward more tomato cans than bullies.

Continuity at the coaching position and solid recruiting give UW basketball fans hope for the future. But the present doesn't look so bad either. 20 wins and a run at an NCAA berth are realistic goals for this year's team. And at least we know this basketball team isn't leaving town.

Easy Come, Easy Go

Lute Olsen’s retirement has resulted in a boon for UW basketball, as Abdul Gaddy (Bellarmine Prep, Tacoma), the number 2 rated point guard in the nation according to Scout.com, withdrew his commitment to Arizona and announced that he will sign a letter of intent to play for the Huskies.

Sound good? It gets better -- Gaddy will be 17 when he enrolls. Some quick math tells us that he’ll have to spend at least two years at UW before considering pro ball due to the NBA's asinine age limit. [SGB readers are reminded of this old chestnut: "Old enough to fight for your country, old enough to make a crapload of duckets playing pro ball]. I suppose there's a chance he could go all Josh “I have a butler and a free house” Childress on us, but we won't worry about that now.

Some highlights (cruelly, put together by some site called GoAZCats.com):



Finally, while we're tangentially on the subject of Lute Olson, I feel compelled to impart this nifty anecdote from the March 2006 issue of Wine Spectator:

“[My wife and I] went to Joseph Phelps after we made the Final Four in 1988, which was the first time any Arizona team had ever been rated No. 1. The fellow who met us was a U-of-A grad, and a big fan. He looked at my Final Four watch and said, "Would you consider trading it for a case of '84 Insignia?" I had about a dozen of those watches in the drawer at home, so I agreed. He sent us a case of '84 Insignia, signed by the winemaker. My wife and I went out of town the weekend the wine came. We arrived home Sunday night, and as we were walking by the trashcan on the way into the house, we saw bottle after bottle of Insignia. One of our sons had had a party at the house. And they could have been drinking Boone's Farm, for all it mattered to them. Easy come, easy go.”

Um, I woulda whupped that kid’s ass. Just saying.

Breaking up is hard to do....

I feel like a jilted ex-boyfriend. My girl dumped me, moved out of town and now her new boyfriend showers her with affection and love. Yes, I miss her. Especially tonight when I see her out with her new man. My ex? The team formerly known as the Seattle Supersonics.

They tipped off tonight in their new ugly uniforms with their new ugly fans. Whenever I feel overcome with sadness, I find it helpful to put together a list of things I don't miss.

• Earl Watson - Stop me Sonics fans if this line looks familiar. 3/9, 8 pts, 4 assists and the team was a minus 16 with the "Pearl" on the floor.
• Bad losses - In front of what was undoubtedly a sell-out crowd, the TFKATSS (squint your eyes and that looks like fat-ass) lost to a Milwaukee team playing a second night in a row. Not only did they lose, they scored 14 points in the first quarter and were down 15 at halftime. PJ, the master motivator, strikes again.
  
• Helping to pad the other team's stats - I remember watching Raymond Felton play against the Sonics last year and this usually mediocre guy looked like an All-Star. Absolutely unstoppable. He dropped 23 and 6 and hit the game-winning shot. Tonight's Raymond Felton? Charlie Villanueva, who dropped 20 and 12. (He averaged 12 and 6 last year.)

So why do I miss them? I'm not sure. I just do.

Know Hope

The Mariners have their new general manager, Jack Zduriencik. He grew up in Western Pennsylvania, in the pro-America part of America, so we'll call him Jack the GM. It's easier than Zduriencik anyway, and it helps clear up any misconceptions that he might have socialist tendencies.

Jack the GM is not a whiz kid. He's not a candidate to be the subject of Michael Lewis's next book. He's a baseball lifer. I think that's good. The Mariners didn't just hire the first Theo Epstein facsimile they could find. They apparently hired the guy they liked, which shows some fortitude.

Jack the GM has three things going for him.

First, he's not Bill Bavasi.

Second, he's proven over the years that he knows how to draft. He drafted half the current Brewers, and that's a hell of a good-looking young team. Moreover, the papers are reporting that he'll bring two of his Brewers colleagues with him to start rebuilding the Mariners scouting operation. If the M's start drafting like the Brewers, that's a huge leap forward. No offense, Matts Clement and Tuiasosopo.

Third, he's starting to clean house. He must have sent a pretty clear message to Jim Riggelman that he's looking for a new manager, because Riggelman signed on to be the Nats' bench coach. (Bizarrely, Riggelman told reporters the day he took the job that he is "still holding out hope that I could go back to Seattle.") And today he fired Bob Fontaine, the longtime director of scouting. So if you ask me whether Jack the GM knows he has to start over, I'd say that signs point to yes.

I do have one concern. At his press conference, Jack the GM let the meaningless baseball cliches fly without any traces of self-awareness. Here's what I want to know: Do the dumb cliches just seem correlated to losing because most GM's say stupid shit and most GM's do stupid shit? Or are they in fact correlated? Does the stupid shit they say explain the stupid shit they're about to do? Time will tell, and I plan to monitor the situation closely.

So here's what Jack the GM gave us to start out with.

"My goal," he said, "is the build this organization into position to compete with the best clubs in baseball."

Then: "My goal would be to put the best club on the field that we possibly can by the time Spring Training opens and then into the first game of the season."

Then: "Our goal is to win as quickly as possible and sooner than later would be better."

Then: "My goal is to create a team. I can tell you sincerely that when this thing is said and done, we're going to be a team from top to bottom."

I am glad that Jack the GM isn't trying to put the worst club on the field over the long term so that this collection of selfish individuals is in a position to continue losing. I'm glad that they'll all be "pulling from the same end of the rope," because God knows you can't win when half of you are pulling from the other end of the rope.

Straight Talk, Expressed

OK, so this has nothing to do with Seattle, and only marginally anything to do with sports, but the money quote from Charles Barkley's interview with Campbell Brown--in which he announces his intent to run for governor of Alabama in six years--is too good to pass up:

Brown: So are you going to run for governor?

Barkley: I plan on it in 2014.

Brown: You are serious.

Barkley: I am, I can't screw up Alabama.

Brown: There is no place to go but up in your view?

Barkley: We are number 48 in everything and Arkansas and Mississippi aren't going anywhere.

Bye Ty

The inevitable happened today, as many thought it would. UW euthanized Tyrone Willingham, even though the athletic director had previously said he didn't "foresee" making a change during the season. But this was a mercy killing in every sense of the word. The toxic environment at UW made Wall Street look like Disneyland. 

It was almost too fitting that UW fell to 0-7 on Saturday against the last school to fire Willingham. That meant the Huskies officially could not make a bowl, widely regarded as the only way Willingham could have saved his job. They hit new lows in the 33-7 loss. The Huskies gained only 124 yards while fans derisively cheered each of their 9 first downs. Insult upon injury, Notre Dame executed a fake punt while up 24-0 in the third quarter. 

There had been speculation that Willingham might step down, but he said he had never considered that. On the possibility of resigning, Willingham said, "It's just not in my makeup." So we know he is a standup guy who runs a clean program, but as Stanklin wrote awhile back, people only pretend to care about cleanliness in college football. Winning is it.

Ted Miller writes that Willingham's hiring split the fan base. Add to that some weak early recruiting classes, and Willingham was behind from the beginning. His last two recruiting classes, however, are well-regarded, and the next coach will have some young talent to work with. But he will also have to re-recruit some players who have rescinded their verbal commitments as all of this uncertainty has played out.

The UW administration has been preparing for this day for at least a year. When former athletic director Todd Turner (who hired Willingham) was eased out last December, Ty's days were numbered. Washington clumsily took 9 months to fill the job, as they were no doubt rebuffed by candidates who didn't want their first act to be the firing of Willingham. But the interim AD Scott Woodward was promoted to the job full-time. He is a guy president Mark Emmert brought along with him from LSU, and Emmert surely backed him up on this. An 11-32 record didn't help Ty's cause.

When former Raiders coach Lane Kiffin says to ESPN, "The University of Washington is a great job," that's about as public a lobbying effort as you can get. It's hard to know what kind of head coach he really was in the miasma that is the Raiders, but he rose quickly at USC and the 33-year-old could be the shot in the arm this program needs. Missouri coach Gary Pinkel's name has also been linked to UW, as has Seahawks head-coach-in-waiting Jim Mora, Jr. Would he jilt the Hawks and jump to UW? Remember that he helped seal his fate with the Falcons when he said how much he'd like to coach at his alma mater.  

Granted, Willingham's tenure at UW ended up a failure. But it's worth pointing out that fans are no more mature about these kinds of things than players. Whenever a coach or manager identified as a "players' coach" is fired, inevitably players will say things like, "There was no discipline," and "We didn't have any direction." So a disciplinarian is hired and the team/program succeeds for awhile until the players start tuning him out and then he's canned as well. Then the athletes say things like, "He never treated us like a man." A players' coach is hired again and the cycle continues. 

Fans are no better. Following Rick Neuheisel's shenanigans, UW's program needed a cleansing and fans were embarrassed. They got a Mr. Clean in Willingham, although they were quick to trash him. Of course, this line of reasoning only goes so far because Ty never won at UW. But it provides a cautionary tale for Washington as it considers who it will hire next. 

Seattle: "We're #1 (Among Places to Live)!"

I play a little game sometimes when I watch ESPN and see scores flash across the bottom of the screen. As the matchups go by, I choose which school/city I'd rather attend/live in of the two facing off. So if it's "Texas vs. Oklahoma State," of course I pick Texas. If the Chargers and Bills clash, I opt for San Diego. Luckily for me and my living situation, I choose Seattle over just about anywhere, unless perhaps a future basketball franchise plays this team.

With the NHL, sometimes I can't come up with an answer before the score changes. I have to think twice about "Thrashers vs. Predators," not only because those teams aren't immediately identifiable to this non-hockey fan, but also because I'd rather not live in Atlanta or Nashville (under duress, I guess I would choose Nashvegas). 

So I was confused the other night when I saw "Thunder vs. Suns." I thought maybe there was some barnstorming team playing a preseason game in Phoenix. Or was it possible I had missed out on some meteorological death match? When I realized what was going on, it was another hurtful reminder of Oklahoma City's theft of the Sonics. On the flip side, I knew I had found the major-league city I would least like to live in. Houston, you're off the schneid.

Dog Bites Man: P-I Edition

From Tuesday's P-I on the supposed duel between Charlie Weis and Ty Willingham:

...[T]he current leader of the Irish doesn't spend time exchanging small talk or inside secrets with the man he replaced at Notre Dame in 2005.

Weis, whose team invades Husky Stadium on Saturday for a 5 p.m. battle, said Tuesday he is cordial with Willingham and talked to him in January at the national coaches convention, but the two are not exactly on speed dial or each other's Fave Five phone lists.

Let's see. The guy who's gone 26–17 chooses not to seek coaching advice from the guy who's gone 11–31. Stop the presses, Joe, I've got a hot one!

Carlesimo adds naive optimism to legendary ineptitude

Last season, Sonics fans grew accustomed to PJ Carlesimo’s incompetence. His timeouts were the depressingly predictable: he’d call the team to the sideline, walk to the three point line with his assistants, furiously scribble on a white board for over a minute and get back to the team with about 5 seconds left. Meanwhile, Durant and Green (rookies that could use some guidance) spent their timeouts last season the same way we did: wondering how young the littlest boom squad member was.

Kevin: "Do you think he’s a midget?"
Jeff: "No way, he’s a kid. Look at the size of his head… it’s well-proportioned."
Kevin: "So he’s some kind of breakdancing prodigy?"
Jeff: "Well, he’s good, but I wouldn’t call him a… what’s that coach? Ok, inbound to Earl, let him dribble down the clock and take a fade away three? Got it… BREAK!"

While his incompetence is familiar; bravado is something new. On Monday, the former Sonics held their NBA-mandated open practice. For some damn reason, PJ predicted 15,000 attendees… 3,000 showed up. I’m not sure what the hell he was thinking, since this team had trouble pulling 15,000 to a Laker game in Seattle.

Meanwhile, Kevin got the cover of sports illustrated, inexplicably sporting some high school uniform. I hate everything.

Open casting call for Mariners GM

As if it wasn't bad enough to finish with the second-worst record in baseball, the Mariners are managing to start the off-season with the team's trademark ineptitude. The Mariners are in the market for a new general manager. Candidates have been targeted, interviewed, vetted and now, nothing.

According to the SeattleTimes:

The team's list has been reduced to Kim Ng, assistant GM of the Dodgers; Jerry DiPoto, director of player personnel for the Diamondbacks; Tony LaCava, assistant GM of the Blue Jays; and Jack Zduriencik, the Brewers' VP for player personnel.

Not a peep from the team. They've dragged their feet for so long that they might not be able to announce a new GM until the end of the World Series, due to Major League Baseball's rules against making news during the Fall Classic.

What awaits the new GM?
1) A new manager - A new GM will want their own manager not some leftover from the previous failed administration. Best to get cracking before all the good candidates are elsewhere.
2) Beltre - He's in the last year of his deal. He still has SOME value and a new GM may look to deal him for a few prospects.
3) Raul - Do you break the bank to try to resign him in the free agency market? I say no. I love Raul. He's a good player and a good guy, but he's 36 and this team needs to get younger.
4) Bedard - Do you offer him arbitration? I think yes. Sure, he was a total stinker last year, but he is due for free agency after next season, which means he will AT LEAST try.

That's only four major decisions, but please take your time, think it over, and let us know whenever the time is right. In the meantime, I will bleed to death from a thousand paper cuts.

UPDATE - The Associated Press is now reporting that the Mariners have selected Milwaukee Brewers executive Jack Zduriencik as their new general manager. Here's the write-up from when he was named Baseball America Executive of the Year in 2007.

A Visit to a Magical Place

"Mistakes were made." This was a common refrain during SGB's junket this weekend to a different and better world: Austin, TX. It's a world where the National Beer of Texas sometimes costs a buck. It's a world where you can't help but fall into a food coma at places like The Salt Lick. It's a world where a strip club sponsors a free tailgating party and the students are hotter than the strippers. It's a world where the number-one team in college football turns a contender into a pretender. Even high school football fans are so gung-ho that they wear their old varsity band jackets a decade and a half after they graduated.

It's not that it was a mistake to visit Austin; it was a mistake not to have gone there earlier and more often. For SGB staffers who went to small Northeastern schools, the difference between UT campus life and our college experiences is like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing a bullet. We hit bars and restaurants that kept raising the bar, so to speak. We saw dozens of students camped out at 3:30AM waiting for ESPN College Gameday to dawn. And we were a few of 98,000 fans screaming our support for UT over Missouri, even though the Longhorns didn't need our help. Texas' 56-31 win over Mizzou wasn't even that close and quarterback Colt McCoy completed a ridiculous 91% of his passes. UT strengthened its hold on the top ranking in a place that feels like the center of the universe.

As great as the Austin trip was, it's still nice to return to Seattle, a place that orbits in the same firmament of cool cities as Texas' capital. But of course we come back to a sporting scene as bleak as our October skies. It's even more disheartening because it didn't used to be this way, at least on the collegiate level. At halftime of UW's loss to Oregon State, Washington honored its 1978 Rose Bowl team, reminding fans of better days. During the Don James era, UW probably looked a lot like UT does now, minus the beautiful weather and even more beautiful coeds. Now the Huskies are 0-6 and the vultures circling over Ty Willingham's head are flying lower every week.

It's easy to forget how much excitement and pride a winning team brings to your town when you experience nothing but losing -- losing games and losing teams -- like Seattle has recently. Of course Texas will always have more rabid football fans than the Northwest. But if or when UW returns to gridiron prominence, think how much support the team will get from the school and community, even though it's not the only game in town. It would, however, be the only winning game in town.

Austin probably feels different when the Longhorns aren't winning, although I don't know when that would be. Seattle's self-worth isn't as tied into the performance of its teams as other places, but it's easy to de-emphasize sports when you're losing. We can pretend we don't care, but we're really just trying to control our anger. Yes, mistakes were made, but at least some of them can be undone.

Coach Is It

A lot of the talk at SGB lately has been focused on coaches. The Ty Willingham Death Watch. The imaginary Jim Zorn dynasty. We even spent some time shitting on Jim Riggelman, a manager, not a coach. But here's the truth. SGB is just like every other sports fan; it's harder to turn on your team than your coach. The easy fix is always to can Holmgren and hire Norm Chow. That way, you don't have to admit what a disgrace your situation really amounts to. You just have to cycle in a new old white guy. But I've never been certain. How much do coaches really matter? Does a good one win you an extra football game? Five extra football games? Five baseball games, or 20? It gets more confusing. Is Bobby Cox a good manager or a turd? On the one hand, his teams make the playoffs every year. On the other, they can't win the big one. Is Joe Torre a genius, or did he have the horses and merely not stand in their way?

I can't answer these questions, but I can offer a few thoughts about what a coach or a manager might do for a team. I invite readers to comment away.

A good coach:

1. Is a brilliant tactician, calling the right plays from minute to minute. Put on the hit and run. Call V-54 Right (hut hut).
2. Is a strategic savant, pointing his team in the right general direction, given the personnel. We rely on the bullpen and the top of the order. We can use our special teams to great advantage.
3. Is a cheerleader extraordinaire who knows how to manipulate his players' psyches and make a winner. Reggie Jackson is Mr. October, but Billy Martin is Mr. October's puppet master.
4. (In college) is a wizard at recruiting, getting the best guys to sign on to the program. Adrian Peterson is Adrian Peterson. Bob Stoopes could be Bozo the Clown and it wouldn't matter.
5. Is a solid manager of a staff, hiring and nurturing the right underlings who can design defenses and offenses. Mike Martz is the reason SF isn't winless. (OK, that's weak, but this list is exhaustive, theoretically).
6. Is a great teacher who maximizes the talent he has access to by making each player learn how to maximize his own talent. It's spring training. Joe Torre makes sure Furcal knows how to manage a rundown.

Those are six I've come up with. But what do you think? Why is a good coach good? And, given a good coach, what difference does it make? Terry Francona is a bad manager. Everybody knows it. But his teams win. So is he actually a good manager, or is he lucky? Phil Jackson has won in two cities. But he's had the best players. Does he get credit for keeping the Lakers together, or does he get the blame for letting them fall apart?

Sound off.

Reefer of the Day

In today's Seattle Times print edition, the front page of the Sports section has the following reefer (paraphrased because I can't remember what I read above the urinal at the People's Pub):

"The Seahawks unlucky history with 1-4 starts."

Evidently, when the Seahawks start 1-4, they don't fare well. Note that.

Shaun of the Red

The Redskins picked up Shaun Alexander and Ryan Plackemeier today.

"When Ladell Betts went down, we went looking for a guy who would hit the hole nice and slow, and who would fall down at the first hint of contact. We got our man in Shaun Alexander," head coach Jim Zorn did not say in a statement. "We signed Ryan because, when it comes to punting, we figure: If 22 yards per attempt is good enough for P-for-K, it's good enough for us," he did not add.

The Other Garfield

Via Garfield Minus Garfield. Kinda feels like the Seahawks' season. I'd take this over 800 words by Steve Kelley any day.

Colt Who?

An eagerly-awaited college rivalry game with a snappy title kicks off at a neutral site. The Red River what? Try The Battle in Seattle -- the game, not the movie. It's the throwdown between the Central Washington University Wildcats and the Western Washington University Vikings. Once a year, you don't have to drive to Ellensburg or Bellingham for bruising Division II action. Today it came to us, with the winner receiving the Cascade Cup presented by Comcast. After Holy Cross beat Brown 41-34 earlier in the day, SGB staffers tired of small-college football. All of them except me.

As soon as you entered Qwest Field, you knew this was going to be different. Two guys were putting on face paint in front of a bathroom mirror as the PA announcer laid down the law: "Any footballs kicked into the stands must be returned to the field. Thank you." Meanwhile, no one bothered to cover or erase the Seahawks logo at midfield or in the end zones. The Seahawks got scored on a lot tonight.

A female Central student told me this is the highlight of their season. "More people come to this game than go to most home games," she said. A Western student seemed to agree as he flew this placard: "The Wind Doesn't Blow from the West -- Central Sucks."

The Battle in Seattle has been played here since 2003, and tonight's game drew more than 12,000 people, a respectable number for two small state schools. Even so, Qwest Field fractionally-filled is a strange place. It gives the feeling of a five-year-old who proudly tries on his dad's oversized shoes and then stumbles around in them. Qwest Field alcohol-free furthers that impression.

On the field, Central ruled. Coming in ranked 11th in Div. II, the Wildcats seem to make a living as a safety net for players who wash out from larger schools. Senior Central quarterback Mike Reilly is a transfer from Washington State, and according to The Seattle Times, is ranked by scouts.com as the 9th-best pro prospect at his position in the country. That has led to some national publicity as well. He showed why tonight. Reilly broke an all-division NCAA record with a touchdown pass in his 41st straight game and surpassed Jon Kitna's career school record with his 100th TD throw (he now has 103). In all, he passed for 371 yards and four scores, often from a shotgun formation with five wide receivers. If you squinted, you saw Texas Tech running around the field. Among his weapons are former Huskies tight end Jared Bronson and running back JR Hasty. Hasty was a prized Ty Willingham recruit out of Bellevue (and son of former NFL defensive back James Hasty) who never panned out, amid injuries and off-field troubles. Tonight he ran for a robust 15 yards on five carries -- no surprise to those who slam all things Willingham. 

Central dominated in other ways too. Perhaps not surprisingly coming from the windy wheat fields of the Kittitas Valley, Central fans handily won the battle of the cowbells. The school's well-regarded music program doubtlessly ballooned their marching band to at least twice the size of Western's (not to mention they were the only band worthy of playing on the field at halftime). The final score: Central Washington, 50, Western Washington, 28, with at least two students passed out.

Dog Bites Man

Looks like either Seneca Wallace or Charlie Frye ran the offense at the Seahawks' practice Friday. Note this exciting tidbit about the defense:

The defense was very good today, the secondary making a number of plays, including interceptions by Deon Grant and Wilson.

Mike Holmgren thinks it's a good sign that the Seahawks' first-string defense was able to intercept two passes thrown by their second-string, or possibly by their third-string, quarterback.

Um, wouldn't it be news if they couldn't?

Cold comfort

But at least someone hasn't forgotten. From the Sports Guy's mailbag:

Q: I just saw a link on ESPN.com talking about the Lakers' first preseason game. So, I clicked the NBA link at the top of ESPN.com to see how my Sonics did in their first preseason game, meaningless as it might be. And then I remembered. This was my first "It Just Sank In" moment as a Sonics fan. I'm going to rummage through my cupboards for some scotch now.-- Jack, Seattle

SG: Here's my contribution to the poor Sonics fans: You know the team Kevin Durant plays for right now? I'm never mentioning their "new" name in this column. Ever. For as long as I have it. I'm alternating between these four names …

1. Kevin Durant's Team.
2. The Seattle SloppySeconds
3. The Bennett City Hijackers
4. The Team That Shall Not Be Named

Seriously?

The start of the NBA preseason is re-opening a lot of old wounds about the Sonics. And I'm bitter. Quick lesson, Oklahoma City. Part of the responsibility of having a real NBA team is to have real reporters following the team who know what they are talking about. After reading this blog post, I think we might need to step in and revoke some press credentials.

Here's some of the high (or low) lights from Mike Sherman, "sports editor":

"Remember all the folks who told us Oklahoma City was delusional to think it was getting an NBA team? Remember those who laughed when we thought the Hornets might stay? Remember when we were told that Mr. Microsoft, Mr. Coffee and Slade Gorton and all those superior intellects, millionaires and “revealing emails” were going to force Clay Bennett’s group to sell the team?"

Wait - did I miss something? Last I checked, it was the NEW ORLEANS Hornets.

"Loved the road unis. LOVE THEM. The look like the New York Knicks’ roadies and that’s a good thing. The “Oklahoma City” on the front might be crowded, but hey, you’ve got to fly the flag. I heard some folks say the “OKC” would have looked better. I might have even been one of them. If I was, I was wrong.

Spelling it out is a political statement. This team is representing the city and the taxpayers who made its presence here possible. And the ownership group is broadcasting that to the world and every NBA city the Thunder visits by wearing “Oklahoma City” across the franchise’s chest. It’s a sign of appreciation, respect and gratitude. Good call, Clay."

The first thing you point out is the uniform? Seriously? And is this guy serious that spelling out the city's full name is a sign of respect? Hold on, I am too busy stabbing myself in the eye ball.

"These guys won’t be the Phoenix Suns, but I’ve got a hunch that they’re more suited to a fast-paced, open-court style of play ... There was a concern about Westbrook’s natural playmaking skills at point guard and those skills are less important in the open court."

By that logic, Steve Nash's "playmaking" skills are not that important because Phoenix plays in an up-tempo system. Good point guard skills are even more paramount in an up-tempo system. All the really good up-tempo teams in the NBA have a good PG with "playmaking" skills. And the bad ones are still searching. See: Denver Nuggets.

"Some of my colleagues at The Oklahoman say we should leave it up to the Thunder coaches and GM Sam Presti to decide who starts. Clay Bennett agrees with them because he hired those guys and not me, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t offer opinions and observations."

First Amendment scholars everywhere rejoice.

"My interest in the NBA is, of course, greater than my expertise in it. But watching these games is a great way for all of us to learn. And no matter how complicated some try to make it, if we watch the game, and keep our mind and ears open, we all can learn a lot quickly."

I'll leave the lack of expertise comment alone since I think that point is pretty self-evident. What's with the rah-rah 'let's learn together' routine?

"My eyes tell me Russell Westbrook is going to be a ballplayer."

This is about the only thing in his post that I can agree with --- because SGB made that point nearly five months ago.

Looking ahead

Is there anywhere else to look? In the past year, some asshair filched the Sonics, the Mariners ended their season one turd away from a turdathon, the Huskies are threatening to go 0-12, and the Seahawks are playing as if they're jealous of Miami's 2007 record. I’m choking on SGB’s self-loathing, and so I find myself looking forward to something… anything.

Would I find it in Pullman, of all places?

Um, no... I wouldn’t. But what the hell else can I write about?

You may remember last year, when the Cougs rode the talented Kyle Weaver (now a member of the Oklahoma City Thunder -- et tu, Kyle?) to 26 wins. Their season ended in the Sweet 16 to eventual runner-up UNC. Weaver, Derrick Low and Robbie "2.5 personal fouls per game" Cowgill all graduated, leaving the Cougs in a rebuilding year. Next year, they will dress 10 freshman.

So what’s there to look forward to? A 229 pound unpolished block machine that goes by the name of DeAngelo Casto, that's what.

Casto, a Spokane native, briefly flirted with UW before signing with Wazzou. The 6’8 power forward plays an angry brand of basketball. He ushered Ferris High through back-to-back undefeated seasons, leaving the team with a 58 game winning streak and two consecutive 4A championships. In the 4A tournament, he averaged 19.7 points and he broke a record by tallying 25 blocks in four games (including eight in the championship game). He single-handedly doused the storied Spokane barn fire of 2005, helped an average of 3.2 old ladies cross the street over his freshman and sophomore seasons and convinced Senator Cantwell to vote against the bailout bill, calling the bill a "band-aid." Said Casto, "H.R. 1424 is no panacea, and our government has approved it in a dispiritingly desultory manner." He also can eat 29 eggs in one sitting. [Ed. Note: We're fairly certain none of this is true. Except for the egg bit.]

Bring on college basketball season. Or more to the point, bring on the end of the Seahawks' season.

Hindsight is 50/50

The Seahawks' offense couldn't score on Sarah Palin's daughter. The defense is even worse, which is the only reason my fantasy team is 0-5. Only the Rams will keep us from the cellar in the worst division in football, maybe even in football history.

In this morning's Times, Steve Kelley put the city's existential football crisis to rest by answering the question we've all been asking: "WHY?" The answer: Jim Zorn.

If Jesus is the reason for the season, then Zorn, the Seahawks' former quarterback and quarterback coach, is clearly the reason for the Redskins' 4-1 record (against tough divison rivals on the road, no less).

According to this mangled, short-bus-style associative property, Zorn coaches the Skins, the Skins are 4-1, so if Zorn coached the Hawks, we'd be 4-1.

In particular, Kelley says, Hasselbeck "hasn't been the same without Zorn." Welcome to the concept of the spurious relationship. Hasselbeck hasn't been the same without Zorn, it's true, but the confounding factor or lurking variable is named Bobby Engram, Deion Branch, and Nate Burleson.

You cannot seriously lay Hasselbeck's suckitude at the feet of the changing quarterback coaching regime. You also cannot seriously credit Zorn with all the success of what was, after all, a playoff team last year. Clinton Portis deserves some of the credit. So does Santana Moss. So does Jason Campbell (though you could argue from the back of the short bus that Campbell's good year so far is all about Zorn).

Zorn may be a decent head coach. Or he may not be. It is not certain. What is beyond certain is that if Jim Zorn were coaching the Seahawks right now, we'd be 1-4.

Early retirement for Holmgren?

This is not the farewell tour that Mike Holmgren had planned. He's not getting rocking chairs or golf clubs in every city and his reputation as a offensive "genius" is taking a hit with every pathetic showing by the Seahawks. There is no shortage of excuses. Hasselbeck is hurt and the team's WRs are banged up. But those injuries don't explain how uninspired the team looks. It doesn't explain how every team except for the St. Louis Rams has been more physical and better prepared than the Seahawks. (Cue: fake punt from Buffalo.)

The only conclusion we can draw is that it is time for Mike to step down. Now. In one of his rare posts, Yuniesky rightfully pointed out how strange the Jim Mora transition plan is and how it actually hurts the team. It's clear that the players are already tuning out Holmgren who will play no role in helping them get a contract extension or even determine their role for next year. The succession plan has effectively removed both the carrot and the stick.

Of course, this will never happen. In the minds of Seattle sports fans, Holmgren ranks right up there with Lou Pinella, another fiery Seattle manager whose regular season success never translated into playoff victories. The situation has gotten so bad that Seattle's elite sports media (we read all media here at SGB) has taken to calling Jim Zorn - the coach who got away. Jim Zorn is probably not the answer and the jury is still out on Jim Mora, but one thing we know for sure is that Mike Holmgren is definitely NOT the answer. Later Mike, see you in two years with the New York Jets.

Seahawks Crashing

We interrupt this broadcast of the Ty Willingham Death Watch to bring you this breaking news: the Seahawks might be worse than the Huskies. And as I'm watching Mike Holmgren's Monday press conference, I see no indication things will get better.

The crushing 44-6 loss to the Giants was all-encompassing. New York outgained Seattle 523-187, the defense missed tackles and looked generally meek, and the offense couldn't do anything. The Dice Game called this one: the Seahawks, in a crucial contest they had two weeks to prepare for, wilted early and often.

Holmgren is saying things like, "This is the same group of guys we had last year. We just played badly," and "We'll keep doing the things we've doing." Really? Playing matador defense and not protecting the QB are what you're going to keep doing? News conferences are notorious for being bland, but Holmgren's platitudes indicate either a delusion that the Seahawks can just turn it on (unlikely) or a lack of answers to what's wrong here (more likely).

The Hawks can't rely on coasting to a title in the NFL's worst division any more. They now look like the third-best team in the NFC West. The Cardinals crushed the previously-undefeated Bills and the 49ers were game against the Patriots, and they've already beaten the Seahawks here. This is a dead team walking. Luckily, the Seattle Mist start play in less than a year.

An SGB Challenge

Defend - or, hell, just explain! - Tyrone Willingham's decision to burn two redshirt by playing Terrance Dailey and Cody Bruns. I believe Dailey played all of 3 downs.

Questions after the first quarter

1) Where's the Hawks' vaunted pass rush? Manning is camping out in the pocket.

2) Where are their unvaunted d-backs? Toomer's just playing catch with Manning.

3) Why wasn't Deion Branch looking for that touchdown pass that hit him in the head?

It's starting to look like the answers all add up to a Giants blowout.

A New Game in Town

As the light rain picked up, practice devolved into a slick mess. The slippery-when-wet balls bounced off tender hands and lacquered nails. Several went down on the lush carpet. The coach interceded: "When you catch the ball, hold your hands away from your face, away from your boobs. Boobs can't be a help."

That's how this welcome new ray of light on Seattle's dark sports landscape unfolded this morning. 54 women turned out at Green Lake to try out for the Seattle Mist. It's an expansion team in the Lingerie Football League, which will hold Lingerie Bowl VI during halftime of Super Bowl XLIII. The Mist start play next September against the likes of the San Diego Seduction and the Dallas Desire. As the name suggests, this isn't your grandpappy's chick football league; the players basically wear lingerie with pads. And if today's practice is any indication, there's going to be some hot action.

Most of the women looked the part, if not played it. They were "dressed" in short shorts, sports bras and tank tops. Their football skills were less evident. Coaches put them through receiving drills -- button hooks, fades and quick slants ("2-step slant, don't look back at the quarterback. Bam, bam and turn around!") -- a passing tutorial and defensive paces. No previous football experience was necessary, and it showed. Thank god it showed.

"How many of you know what a running back is?" About five hands went up. No matter. It's hard to describe in print what it's like to see attractive women carrying the pigskin and pinballing off tackling dummies. Suffice it to say that if you haven't seen it, you haven't lived.

Five-minute water break: "Stay loose. We don't want any hamstring pulls."

The players will be paid, but organizers won't say how much. Whatever the amount, the women are pumped and discipline apparently won't be a problem. A good-looking blonde named Alicia McLaughlin, channeling the Cincinnati Bengals, said, "I hope this will keep me out of trouble. I have no problem going to work reeking of vodka, but I would take this seriously."

Almost as many salivating guys showed up for the tryout as women. One dude was overheard saying, "They should start a fantasy football league for this." Another intoned, "If Osama bin Laden could see this, there would be no more terrorism."

The casting call for some teams has been huge. About 1,200 showed up to try out for the Los Angeles Temptation, and skirmishes broke out, according to Heather Thiesen, talent director for Hollywood-based Horizon Productions, which is running the show. She says Seattle was picked to get a team because it's a good football market. Some spectators disagree. "This is better than UW football," one guy noted. He added, "You trade one set of girls for another."

I Wish I Could Quit You

Why do I find myself rooting for Ty Willingham? Why do I want him to succeed? Is it because he's a nice guy that doesn't bend the rules? Is it because he's one of only six black Division I head coaches? Is it because he schedules Oklahoma in game 3 rather than some Division VII schmoo? Is it because I hate Charlie Weis?

I think it's all of those reasons. The problem is, you don't see the most important reason why we should root for a head coach: he's a good coach that gives us a chance to win.

The numbers just aren't on his side. Over his head coaching career, he is 76-80-1. He's had only 6 winning seasons since 1995 (including Notre Dame's epic 6-5 2004 season). His record at Washington? 11-29. yikes.

We pretend to care, but we'd take a Pac-10 title for a few broken rules. Hell, we'd take a bowl game for a few years of probation -- all we have to do is muster 6 freaking wins.

The loss to Stanford was as unforgivable as it was embarrassing. Locker's thumb had nothing to do with Stanford's 466 yards of offense. I'm not calling for his ouster (because that's for reactionary assholes), but I am officially no longer rooting for him.

Nut check time for the Seahawks

This weekend, the Seahawks are heading into the Jersey swamps to take on the defending Super Bowl champs. It's a tall order, no doubt, and I think it will be the defining game of the Seahawks season. A hard-fought win or, at the very least, a respectable showing gives the team some hope for the remainder of the season. If they get dominated, the wheels will come off the wagon very quickly and a 6-10 record could be in the cards.

The Giants are everything the Seahawks are not. They have an identity: aggressive, ball-hawking defense and a powerful offensive line that blows open holes for a variety of different-sized backs. They are tough, smart and nasty.

Yes, the Seahawks wide receiver corps have been decimated by injuries, but the bigger problem existed even before the injuries. This team has absolutely no identity. It was supposed to be the defense, but the vaunted D gave up 34 points to Buffalo in the season opener and a more embarrassing 33 to San Francisco at home. The Seahawks are full of nice guys, but it is painfully obvious that they lack a toughness that all great teams have. As Oscar Pendejo pointed out in July, this team needs some attitude. (As a rule of thumb, guys in jail are tough.)

Some fans may feel a little better about the team, because it whipped up on St. Louis two weeks ago. But the reality is that the Rams wouldn't be able make it to a bowl game if they were playing on Saturdays and talk of an improved running game is predicated on pounding the ball against the porous Rams and 49ers defenses. Against Buffalo's legitimate defense, the team ran for 84 yards.

I really expect this team to fold like a lawn chair against the Giants who will ram the ball down the Seahawks throat (especially with Plaxico Burress suspended). Pure and simple, this game is a nut check for the Hawks. If they don't sack up, the year of discontent for Seattle sports will just extend into the winter.

Can't Win for Losing

Now that the Mariners have ceased and desisted, I am left with two thoughts in my head.

First, it could be worse. I could be a Mets fan.

Second, the reason for the special failure of this season is last season's accidental pennant run. It fooled the front office into acting like they were fine-tuning a contending team, not building one.

The Erik Bedard deal is hard to criticize. Aces are the rarest commodity in baseball. If you can get one, you get one, even if it costs you Adam Jones (and George Sherrill, which turned out to be a big loss). Of course, Bedard is not an ace. He's weak sauce. But I don't blame Bavasi for that. A smart team would have made that deal, too.

Carlos Silva is another matter. If the M's were 200 innings away from the pennant, Silva makes sense. (Overpaying for him like the M's did doesn't make sense, ever.) But a rebuilding team doesn't sign a league average contact pitcher to a multiyear deal. That's what the M's are, and that's what Silva is, and now we're stuck with him until the Palin administration. We signed him because we thought we were winners. He makes us losers.

(Keep in mind that Jaime Moyer is going to the playoffs after a 16-7, sub-4.00 ERA season with the Phillies. Two years ago, we traded away a pillar of the community, a good clubhouse guy, and a damn good pitcher for two bodies named Andrew Barb and Andy Baldwin because we were rebuilding. Then last year we signed Silva, who's worse, for more money and more years, because he was the final piece of the puzzle.)

The other reason we're losers because we thought we were winners is that we handled our young guys irresponsibly. A winning team doesn't let Morrow learn how to be a starter on the job, so we kept him in the pen. Now he's a year behind in his development. A winning team doesn't give Balentin and Clement a chance to play every day, at least not until they're 100 percent ready. So we called them up and sent them down in spasms. Now they're behind in their development, and their confidence is in the toilet.

Note: By the time we failed to make any deadline deals this year, we knew we were a bad team, so my theory can't explain that particular shit show.

But overall, if the M's had just admitted how bad they were, they wouldn't be as bad as they are.