I Can't Quite Hear It Yet

1. I am fat.

2. I eat fast food at least three times a week. 

3. I can't wait to see "Paul Blart Mall Cop" at my local 20-plex. 

4. When I stand on the rim of the Grand Canyon, I call friends on my cell phone and announce to all where I am. 

5. I don't care about soccer. 

The first four statements are false; the fifth is true. But numbers 1-4 would seem to dictate the fifth, and complete the stereotype of self-centered ugly Americans who don't know or care about things outside our borders. However, here's something I've learned: it's okay not to like soccer, because resisting the world's game doesn't make you an ignorant person.

I wish I were psyched about the Seattle Sounders. They're a new major-league team in a city that has had precious little good sports news recently. They have an established, successful coach and some local players. Clearly, expansion means MLS is becoming more popular. The thing is, I just don't care. I wish I did, but I don't. I plan to attend a game or two, and maybe I'll change my mind. But let's not pretend the arrival of the Sounders makes up for the loss of the Sonics. 

Yet soccer appears to be a sport that the PC set in Seattle can really get behind. I've always felt a certain amount of condescension among soccer players and fans toward people who don't follow the sport. Things like, "It's the world's game and it's too subtle for Americans," and, "Look at the way soccer brings warring countries together on one playing field." I get that; there's truth in those statements. Plus, no doubt soccer players are some of the best athletes in the world. Just spare me the attitude when I say I don't follow soccer. I'll do the same when you say you don't like baseball or football. 

I'm rooting for the Sounders to do well here. If Kansas City, Columbus and Salt Lake City can support franchises, why not Seattle? I hope my first game will undo my indifference toward the sport. I just fear the motives of new fans. I hope I don't see crowd shots of latte-drinkers sitting quietly in their seats who think going to a Sounders game is akin to protecting salmon. I hope they remember that just because number 5 is true, that numbers 1-4 don't necessarily follow. 

Vikings' Ship Going Down

It's not like I go to a ton of Division II football games, but the small-college guy in me was sad to see this: Western Washington University is dropping its football program. The Vikings started playing football in 1903, but the school decided to cut its most expensive sport to spare its 15 other sports (which will no doubt bring some Title IX haters out of the woodwork).

As the P-I article states (incidentally another entity that is rumored to be going under), Western travelled a lot for a small school. No surprise, given that there will now only be four Div. II programs west of the Rockies: the directional schools Central Washington and Western Oregon, along with renowned pot haven Humboldt State, and southern Utah's own Dixie State. Aside from Western itself, this hurts its biggest rival, Central. They played each other twice a year, and I had a grand old time at one of them, the Battle in Seattle in October. Where else can students go to a game at a pro stadium and have it be quiet enough for them to pass out? Oh, um, maybe that was part of the problem.

You might not know this, but the Atlanta Falcons' punter, Michael Koenen, went to Western. And New York Giants' tight end Kevin Boss went to Western Oregon. And interception machine Jon Kitna went to Central, while current Wildcats QB Mike Reilly is supposedly a legitimate pro prospect. So it's not like they're playing terrible football in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference. Besides, how many other schools will ride into the sunset with a win over the Colorado School of Mines in the Dixie Rotary Bowl?

Even though the boys from Bellingham will no longer be playing football, Western will always have this ridiculous catch and its lingering notoriety. Hey, an ESPY is an ESPY, even if Joe Theismann is presenting it. And as some are already suggesting, this can only help a UW Huskies squad desperate for talent.

The Year's Least-Shocking NFL Headline

I was going to nominate "Adam Jones Waived by Cowboys," until this gem appeared on ESPN today:

Favre to wait before deciding on '09

USC North!

Steve Sarkisian is already showing himself to be a better recruiter than Tyrone Willingham. By landing Nick Holt as Washington's defensive coordinator, UW now has USC's former offensive and defensive coordinators in the fold. And Holt might be the better get of the two.

This was Holt's third year as USC's defensive coordinator, and this season he presided over the nation's stingiest scoring defense (9 points per game) and second-best in total defense (221 yards). Granted, it's hard to know how much power assistants have under Pete Carroll, and since Carroll is a defensive coach, he probably pulled a lot of the strings. Still, Holt likely could have gone almost anywhere from USC. That he landed at UW -- and made what appears on the surface to be a lateral move, or worse -- is a coup for the Huskies.

Holt initially rebuffed Sarkisian's entreaties to come to Seattle, but a big raise certainly sweetened the deal. This hire shows UW is willing to spend money to get better; an average of $700,000 a year for a defensive coordinator is a lot of coin, and Holt is now the highest-paid assistant in Washington history. Some reports say he might have been intrigued to run a defense free and clear a head coach's interference. And if he can turn this defense around, Holt would have a good shot at a head coaching job elsewhere in a few years. (He had an unsuccessful two-year stint as head man at Idaho, where he provided Willingham with his first win at UW.)

It's hard not to like what Washington is doing to improve its football team. Getting guys from a program with the pedigree of USC can only help. Then again, there's nowhere to go but up for the Huskies.

A New Year and a New Result

Could it be that Seattle actually has a winning team to cheer for? Perhaps, after the Huskies routed Wazzu 68-48 in Pullman Saturday night in the Pac-10 opener for both schools. UW is now 10-3, although this is the team's best win of the season. 

The numbers don't lie: Washington shot 48 percent from the field, while holding WSU to 41 percent. They outrebounded the Cougars 36-20 and even did something they hardly ever do: they made their free throws. They did it without a big game from Jon Brockman, while freshman Isaiah Thomas handled himself well, with 19 points, 4 rebounds and 4 assists. Granted, this isn't the same WSU club of the last few years, but the Cougars still have some pieces left over from their previous NCAA Tournament runs. And breaking a 7-game series losing streak to your rival on the road is nothing to sneeze at.  

UW has played better since a close loss to Florida (which followed a blowout to Kansas) and the Huskies might just be what we thought they were: a potential 20-win, NCAA-caliber basketball team. After the city's horrendous sports year in '08, at least one Seattle team is creating sports hope in '09.