Break Up the Mariners...Seriously

So the Mariners returned to Seattle Sunday following a 6-3 road trip and a sweep of the hapless San Diego Padres. With that, here's a backhanded and stilted compliment: the M's are flirting with not having the worst record in the majors. Word is that the team is playing looser under Jim Riggleman. But to paraphrase Winston Wolf, let's not start throwing each other bones just yet.

When was the last time A) a team won despite leaving 18 men on base and B) their winning pitcher entered the game on a 12-start winless streak? That would be A) the Mariners and B) Carlos Silva, during Saturday's 4-2 win. Sunday featured a 9-run outburst, highlighted by Ichiro's 5-hit day. But perpetually weary "ace" Erik Bedard again couldn't get through the sixth inning. And Silva and Bedard are supposedly two of the M's better trade pieces? At this point, the Mariners would be lucky just to get someone of Adam Jones' caliber straight up for Bedard. Maybe you heard that Jones recently had 6 straight hits.

It would be tough enough for Billy Beane to squeeze blood from this turnip. But when former travel coordinator Lee Pelekoudas is pulling the strings for the M's, good luck getting anything of value in trade. And as SGB staffers can attest, there ain't much help coming from AAA Tacoma. So yes, please break up the Mariners -- if you can.

What? The Sonics couldn't use this guy?

The Sonics missed out on the steal of the draft. Shan (pronounced Shane) Foster from Vanderbilt. Look at this man's skills.

Russell Westbrook Laloosh

Looks like Westbrook hired Gallinari's PR coach. Here's his chat on ESPN shortly after the Sonics drafted him.

Gary (Phoenix): How relieved are you that this process is over?

Russell Westbrook: Very relieved. I've been waiting all my life for this moment. Now it's like I'm starting all over.

Bryan (Sacrmento): Do you see yourself as a full-time PG in this league or a hybrid?

Russell Westbrook: Full time PG. Playing at the next level, I have to be able to run the team and play the point.

Zach (Jersey): Were you surprised to go so high? Most people had you projected a bit later.

Russell Westbrook: Not at all. I worked so hard to become where I am. Not surprised at all.

kris katarzy (california): how excited are you to go one on one with chris paul during the season

Russell Westbrook: I can't wait. Paul is a great player, but I'm going to come in and do my best and help my team win.

Mike (LA): Going to seattle, what is your take on the potential move out of there?

Russell Westbrook: I'm not worried at all. My family will be able to come and watch. I'm going to go and handle my business whether it's in Seattle or Oklahoma City.

Russell Westbrook: Thanks for the support. Looking forward to talking to you guys soon.

Buzzmaster: Thanks Russell!

Somebody almost tricked him into shit-talking Chris Paul, but then he remembered his talking points and promised to "come in and do my best and help my team win." Good save. I guess he does know how to "handle my business."

Draft ramblings

Here are some random thoughts from the NBA draft:

* Derrick Rose's grandmother gave him the nickname Pooh as a child, because of his love of sweets. So, what is a boy to do? Get a tattoo on his shoulder that says "Poohdini" -- I wonder if Chicago can still get a refund for their pick.

* O.J. Mayo's full first name is Ovinton J'Anthony. This led to a discussion about whether we should change the name of this blog to J'Seattles Got Balls. J'Kidding.

* Russell Westbrook and Michael Jordan share this fun fact - neither played on the varsity until their junior year. Before we extrapolate too much, this also holds true for the Dice Game.

* In profiles of players done by ESPN, they have a section called "Must Improve." For Kevin Love? "Explosion ability." Some intern at ESPN needs to get a full-time job for managing to get "explosion ability" into the profile of the player with the best porn name in the draft.

* Thumbs up to Danilo Gallinari's PR coach/english teacher -- he's here "to help the team win." Message received, loud and clear.

* Joe Alexander -- born in Taiwan. Grew up in China and Japan. Holla!

* DJ Augustin. Yes, he's short, but his wingspan is ... wait for it ... wait for it ... 6'3". Wowza. No wonder the man has a custom made suit. It's the third straight year a Texas player went in the top 10. Three straight lottery picks - zero Final Fours.

* Brooke Lopez goes at 10. This man's voice is great. It's a mixture of Dikembe Mutombo and Nelson from the Simpsons. If there is a God in heaven, he will be mic'd up for a game next year.

* Jay Bilas is effusive in his praise for Jason Thompson from Rider. Says Thompson has a "great motor" and is ready to play in the NBA although he got tired during the always tough MAAC tournament. You don't understand the meaning of the phrase "digging deep" until you are down 8 on the road at Marist.

* Here's my prediction Brandon Rush: a dynamic hi-top fade, the likes of which we have not seen in the league since Dee Brown 1.0

* The Sonics draft an African guy named Serge in the first round despite his agent's best efforts to not get drafted until the second round. I can see why Presti had to take him. He looks absolutely unstoppable against the Congolese high school team he is scrimmaging against.

* George Hill!

* The Sonics deal their top two second round picks for DJ White. I love this guy. He's a bruiser with skills. In fact, I'd offer 1-4 odds of victory if he fought all three of the Sonics centers -- at once. He'll be in the league for a decade if he can stay healthy.

* With their two second round picks, the Sonics take DeVon Hardin and Sasha Kaun -- two centers (and stop me if you've heard this before) whose offensive skills are suspect. Hardin, who was sporting a nice headband/wristband set, has more potential than Kaun, who managed to average 4 rebounds a game at Kansas despite being 6'11". Kaun also signed a big contract in Russia so it seems unlikely that he will ever play in the NBA. I guess this is the NBA draft equivalent of folding when you could have checked. Sene, don't worry pal -- your future is safe. For now.

(Editor's Note: We've heard that the Sonics traded Kaun to Cleveland for cash considerations. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when Mike Brown calls Lebron and says: "Hey King, we got you some help. Sasha Kaun from Kansas. Averaged 7 and 4 for a national champion. Hello?")

Westbrook at 4!

Despite flirting with the Clips' 7th pick and dangling turds in front of Riley for the 2nd pick, the Sonics stay put and do what SGB told them to do on our first post. More to come...

How old is a 19 year old kid supposed to act?

In yesterday's mock draft, both Bill Simmons and Chad Ford like O.J. Mayo to go to the Seattle SuperOkies. Mayo would be an exciting addition, but we shouldn't get too attached. If Pat Riley has his way, all the Mayo talk will be moot.

There's a lot of OJ love coming out of south Florida. Apparently, Riley doesn't like Beasley's personality. Now, we've all heard the Beasley horror stories (he put a dead rat in his teacher's desk?! he defaced school property with his signature!!?! he went to 700 high schools in 2 years?!@!?!), but most of these stories sound like a kid being a kid. As Beasley told the Miami Herald, "I just turned 19 years old in January, so how mature do you want me to be? On the basketball side of things, I'm 30 years old. Off the court, I don't know. How mature you want me to be? I don't know if you want me to act 25 or 30 or 40. I'm a kid -- I'm going to mess up."

This strikes me as an honest, mature and self-aware response. Somehow, this is being used against him. Maybe if Beasley had hired an agent and a PR firm out of 7th grade, these stories would've been kept under control. I, for one, am not worried. Put a rat in PJ Brown's desk and autograph the hell out of Key Arena - I don't give a fuck - just bring that nasty offense to my town. Miami's making a mistake, and I hope we can capitalize.

Here's how it'll happen: our number 4 pick, Weezy and Petro for Miami's pick and Mark Blount's bloated ass. That's a no-brainer. Miami really wants Green, but the word is we're not considering it. I know we need a point, but I'd make this trade in a heartbeat. Beasley is nasty. We should offer all but Durant and Green to get him.

Do I Look Fat in Last Place?

Could Felix Hernandez the player and the Seattle Mariners the team be moving in opposite directions any faster? Note King Felix's feats Monday night in New York against the Mets, in what surely must be the most adjective- and hyphen-laden sentence fragment ever: an opposite-field 375-foot first-pitch grand slam on a 94-mph fastball from former Cy Young winner Johan Santana. No biggie -- it's only the first time an AL pitcher has hit a grand slam since 1971. Then in his second at-bat, Felix took one for the team, and successfully laid down a sacrifice bunt, to which Mets interim manager Jerry Manuel quipped, "Why is this guy bunting? He just hit a home run." Then Felix really took one for the team, getting spiked by Carlos Beltran while covering on a play at the plate. The resulting sprained ankle forced him to the locker room, one out shy of eligibility for the win he so richly deserved. But do the Mariners deserve Felix? Sure, the Mariners got the win on this night. But how frustrated must Felix be when batters 1 through 8 combined for three fewer RBI than he did? How must he feel when he says the ankle injury won't keep him from his next start, while Erik Bedard is scratched from his next turn due to a hangnail? Do the Mariners need to worry that Felix will leave Seattle at the first chance, if not sooner? It's not unreasonable to think that Felix might dump the Mariners, because they need him more than he needs them. Sorry Seattle, your butt does look big, cloaked in the worst record in the majors.

Ichiro's Quote of the Week

Back home in Arizona with not much to do, John McLaren griped to reporters that the M's clubhouse suffered from jealousies. The speculation is that he meant most players think Ichiro gets extra special treatment, and they don't like it. So the Times asked Ichiro if his teammates were jealous of him. Here's what he had to say:

"I don't know, but I would like to be the kind of player other players would be jealous of. What I can also tell you is jealous men are the worst things out there. I think jealous guys are worse than jealous women."

Then, in classic Ichiro style, he closed this way: "I don't even know if it exists."

Interpretations welcome in the comments section.

Good Baseball Men

It's time to give credit where credit is due. The Mariners took too long to do it--they're a loyal organization (if you forget about Jamie Moyer)--but they finally cleaned house. New hitting coach, new general manager, new manager. There's only one tiny problem, or three: Lee Elia (and Jose Castro), Lee Pelekoudas, and Jim Riggleman. None of the new guys represents even a nod in the direction of a more creative approach to building and running a baseball team. They were the most conventional choices available. Off the field, that trio is the equivalent of Brad Wilkerson on it--the decision you make because you've got to make one and you have no conviction and no ideas.

Lee Elia, the first of the hires (and you'll see that SGB contributor Moisture Fetch called that one if you scroll down), is 71 years old. He was born during the Great Depression. He's teaching the M's how to hit, but he hasn't tried it himself since the era of the dead ball and 60 ounce bats. He managed two teams in the 1980s, ran up a .448 winning percentage, and now, after 20 years of hanging around in the game, he's going to save us?

Lee Pelekoudas started his career with the Mariners 29 years ago as...wait for it...director of team travel. He's been Bavasi's right-hand man for six years. If the team needs a new direction, maybe it shouldn't hire the guy who's second most affiliated with the old direction. Just thinking out loud.

Jim Riggelman is younger than Elia, but otherwise he's exactly the same: retread. He managed most of the 1990s and posted a .449 winning percentage, just edging Elia.

I know these guys are interim, but Jesus Christ, is it too much to ask for a little bit of fortitude and forward planning? Not everybody can be Theo Epstein, but can't we try?

The only rationale for these decisions that makes any sense--rationale and making sense not being part of the M's lexicon--is that they're looking for a breed of failures known as "good baseball men." This is a term of art in the sport created to justify all the dead weight that teams allow to hang off them for no good reason. The "good baseball man" mentality is also the reason Willie Bloomquist has a chance to get 400 at bats this year. Well, no, he's not a good player, but he's one hell of a baseball man!

Nobody has described the "good baseball man" better than Jim Bouton, in his landmark book Ball Four, about his 1969 season with the first shit team to play in Seattle, the Pilots. Here is one of his many take-downs of pitching coach Sal Maglie:

"The bench was treated to a lovely Sal Maglie second-guess today. Steve Barber was pitching and he had men on second and third with Jim Fregosi up. On 3 and 2 Barber threw a change and Fregosi lunged, hit it to left and knocked in both runs. As soon as the ball was hit Maglie, who was standing next to Schultz, snapped his fingers and said, 'Son of a bith--3-and-2 change. That goddam 3-and-2 change.'

"Whenever something goes wrong Maglie is quick to show disgust, especially if Schultz is around. I guess he wants the manager to know he's in the ballgame and that he doesn't take adversity calmly. But I was surprised about him fussing over a 3-and-2 change, because I think it's a helluva pitch. In a spot like that the hitter is looking for something the pitcher throws often, like the fastball, or if he's got good control of his curve he might throw that. So the off-speed pitch in that situation really throws the hitter off.

"Later on I asked Sal about it. 'Sal,' I said sweetly, 'I saw you get mad at the change-up Steve threw Fregosi. What's your feeling about the change on 3 and 2?'

'It depends on the situation,' says Sal.

'I've had pretty good success with the 3-and-2 change.'

'Well I did too,' says Sal. 'I remember once I threw one to Stan Musial with the bases loaded and he was so surprised he just stood there with the bat on his shoulder. Strike three.'

"We kicked that around for a while and Sal wound up saying that the 3-and-2 change was a helluva pitch, if you threw it to the right guy.

"But not to Jim Fregosi, By Barber. Today."

The Mariners just hired three Sal Maglies to run the team. But don't worry. In a statement, Pelekoudos said that Riggleman "is an experienced baseball man with broad experience as both a Major League manager and coach." What the good baseball man Pelekoudos didn't say is that the experienced baseball man (with experience...no kidding, the experienced man has experience?) has broad experience as a bad major league manager and as coaching fodder.

Don't mock me like that....

Mock drafts are usually about as accurate as weathermen, but this one from CNNsi.com caught our eye. We still don't know where the Sonics will be playing next season, but it will be the SEATTLE Supersonics drafting next week. (I've already advocated my position on what the Sonics should do with the 4th pick.) The possibility of seeing this guy and CDR (see below) next season has the staff at SGB very excited.

If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must force the Sonics to honor their lease obligations

In today's hearing to determine the immediate fate of the Sonics, the city called Sherman Alexie, National Book Award Winner and sometime professor at the University of Washington. Prof. Alexie was called to prove... um, I'm not sure.

Some highlights:

• On why he likes the NBA: "The great thing is that they wear such little clothes. You can see their muscles."
• On why he likes Key Arena: "The way to feel less like a freak is to be in a room with freaks. So that’s what KeyArena is like. I’m in a room with all of these freaks from all over the world."
• On why he likes being a season ticket holder: "[It's like] being like a high roller in Vegas."
• On why the Sonics shouldn't leave: "I want two more years of the Greek Gods."

I'm not sure what the hell any of this is supposed to prove. I'm starting to wonder if the city is trying to employ the fabled Chewbacca Defense for the first time in a civil case.

Yawning indifference?

On Monday afternoon, the Dice Game and I walked down to the courthouse to represent SGB at the Save Our Sonics rally. The X-Man and the Glove were scheduled to speak, and I was terrified that a small showing would confirm Bennett's lawyers' statement that the "great majority of the public has a yawning indifference to the Sonics departure." This month's weather had been touch and go and the rally was at 4:30 - I was convinced that a light drizzle and the early start time could kill the turnout.

Well, the weather held up and half of downtown could hear the chants. Seattle really turned out -- it was a thing of beauty. No one seems to have a reliable headcount (reports range from 1,000 to 5,000), but Dice and I figure it was somewhere in the lower half of that range. Among the masses: Sacramento King Spencer Hawes (wearing an autographed Payton jersey), about 500 Sonics jerseys (we even spotted some fool wearing a Sene jersey), and an old man inexplicably carrying a "Bring Griffey Home" sign.

The Glove gave a poor but well-intentioned speech, reminding us that he's one of the best players in NBA history (Gary, is this really the time for unabashed self-promotion?) and badmouthing the Mariners and Seahawks for never bringing a championship to Seattle. Maybe not the best material to rally Seattle sports fans, but we appreciated the effort.

The X-man's speech was a little more sober: "I want you to raise hell but stay calm. I don't want to say anything bad about Clay Bennett, but let's keep the Sonics here."

As hopes that we'll keep the Sonics in Seattle dwindle, it was nice for the city to have an outlet for its collective frustration.

Screw Bennett, screw Oklahoma City and save our Sonics.

What took so long?

So Bavasi gets the ax to the surprise of ... absolutely no one. By any measure, the Bavasi era was a failure. In five years, there was 1 winning season and zero playoff appearances. The farm system is middle of the road and the team is filled with aging veterans with overpriced contracts.

So here at Seattle's Got Balls, we bid adieu to Bavasi with a list of his three worst moves. This list could have easily been a top-10 (Wilkerson signing, trading for Horacio Ramirez), but I got work to do. (The Bedard trade and Silva signing are too early to judge.)

3) Trading Carlos Guillen: This one will be short. Guillen's batting average in five seasons with Detroit: .318, .320, .320, .296 and .304.

Seattle gets Ramon Santiago (released by Seattle in 2005, one year after the trade) and Juan Gonzalez (not Juan Gone and not in baseball, as far as I can tell.)

2) Signing Richie Sexson: Bavasi signed the Big Sexy to a back-ended, 4-year, $50 million contact in 2004. Sexson made $15.5 million last season and this season, a staggering sum for a man who strikes out 1 in every 4 at bats and has been hit .200 over the last two years.

Why not the worst? Sexson played fairly well the first two years of his contract. The sudden collapse in his play has made his first two seasons a distant memory. If there is a fitting gambling metaphor, I'd say it's like being in a casino, winning $400 in craps only to give back those winnings and then some on that very same table.

1) Freddy Garcia trade: Team A and Team B trade a 29-year-old workhorse pitcher to a contending team for prospects. Both were a few years removed from being in the Cy Young running and were having very good seasons.

Team A: In 2002, the Cleveland Indians trade Bartolo Colon to the Montreal Expos. In return, they get Grady Sizemore, Cliff Lee and Brandon Phillips. (That's two All-Stars and one soon-to-be)

Team B: In 2004, the Mariners deal Freddy Garcia to the Chicago White Sox for Jeremy Reed (AAAA player at best), Miguel Olivo (traded) and Mike Morse (injured).

On that note, we will send Bavasi on his way like a funk blast heading out of Safeco.

The Route to NBA Dreams

In yet another move that portends the slow and painful death of professional basketball in Seattle (all apologies to the Storm), the Sonics have a new D-league affiliate: the Tulsa 66ers.

Gamblers Anonymous +400

Over the past two weeks, Seattle's Got Balls' humanitarian-minded staffers have donated thousands of dollars to the coffers of needy casinos from Las Vegas to Atlantic City. But that was hours ago. So where can you get some action to tide you over before Thursday poker? Here's an idea: you can now bet on the results of the Seattle v. Sonics court battle soon to be waged in New York, thanks to bodoglife.com, the Antigua-based internet gambling site. The odds say the Sonics are heavy favorites to beat the city in the courtroom, and Oklahoma City is expected to be the Sonics home next season. Come on Seattle, if you really Support Our Sonics, log on and bet. Look, I understand this creates some conflicting emotions. If you want to maximize your money, you'll bet against the team you support and wager on the city that has barely lifted a finger to keep the team. Plus, is this akin to Pete Rose betting on the Reds? Will this eventually lead to Stanklin signing Gary Locke business cards for money at the Drift? Regardless, what a country -- Antigua, that is. 

Rally for the Sonics

A week from today, a court will hear Clay Bennett plead for the right to take our Sonics to browner pastures this summer. If we win, we get two more years. I know what you're thinking: what's the point? We've got at least three years before the Sonics will be competitive, right? It will take at least that long for Kevin Durant to put on 20 pounds, P.J. to learn to call an offensive set and Earl Watson to retire. So what does a win in this trial give us? Two more 20 win seasons? Is it worth the effort?

Well, yes it is, you pessimistic assclown. If nothing else, we'll have two more years to convince a local group to buy the Sonics. A long shot, sure, but that's all we've got. So quit your bitching and let's look alive. Save Our Sonics is organizing a rally at the court house. The Glove will speak. Xavier McDaniels will be there. All's I'm saying is that if the X-Man can come all the way out from South Carolina to rally the fans, we should return the favor by walking our lazy asses downtown.

June 16th. 4:30. Seventh and Stewart.

Show up, jerks.

What the #@$&?!

As profanity-laced screeds go, it was merely OK. Sure, John McLaren's outburst will make the rounds on SportsCenter and get onto youtube, if it hasn't already. But like the man himself, the blowup was lacking something -- let's call it conviction. McLaren was trying to talk himself into believing he was firing his team up as he was blurting out the words. But he's too nice a guy for shit like this; it had an "aw, shucks" quality to it. Worse, it was contrived. I sense he's tried these lines out on his mirror. At least when an NBA coach or MLB manager purposely gets thrown out of a game to fire his team up the home crowd is behind him. Here, you had a roomful of sports reporters who probably high-fived each other because they had just rolled on a future ESPY winner for Soundbite of the Year (category: lame-duck managers). Sadly, it's just another area where John McLaren is overmatched. 

Perhaps McLaren was aware of the recent 25th anniversary of The Tirade to End All Tirades. Perhaps the Mariners need to hire Lee Elia.