Seattle: "We're #1 (Among Places to Live)!"

I play a little game sometimes when I watch ESPN and see scores flash across the bottom of the screen. As the matchups go by, I choose which school/city I'd rather attend/live in of the two facing off. So if it's "Texas vs. Oklahoma State," of course I pick Texas. If the Chargers and Bills clash, I opt for San Diego. Luckily for me and my living situation, I choose Seattle over just about anywhere, unless perhaps a future basketball franchise plays this team.

With the NHL, sometimes I can't come up with an answer before the score changes. I have to think twice about "Thrashers vs. Predators," not only because those teams aren't immediately identifiable to this non-hockey fan, but also because I'd rather not live in Atlanta or Nashville (under duress, I guess I would choose Nashvegas). 

So I was confused the other night when I saw "Thunder vs. Suns." I thought maybe there was some barnstorming team playing a preseason game in Phoenix. Or was it possible I had missed out on some meteorological death match? When I realized what was going on, it was another hurtful reminder of Oklahoma City's theft of the Sonics. On the flip side, I knew I had found the major-league city I would least like to live in. Houston, you're off the schneid.

Anything Else We Can Give You?

So eschewing our suggestions to name them the Team Rustlers, the Hayseeds, or the Dissemblers, the owners of the former Sonics are apparently going to name the team the Thunder. Wow, how original. I guess the Storm was already taken. And Iowa State already has this intimidating name and logo. Maybe 290-pound bust Ron Dayne can throw up the first jump ball (Tiki Barber's presence is optional). I guess in Oklahoma, you have to give a nod to the weather without reminding people too much of this or this. Oklahomans know their tornado outbreaks like The Dice Game knows high school ballers. Either way, I'm glad I won't be the guy cutting into "American Idol" to tell Kevin Durant to duck into his basement because a twister is bearing down on his mansion.

I'm sorry, why am I rambling on about this anyway? It must be that ghost limb thing. Stop me before I try to cut it off again.

This turd, once prized...

SGB readers know that we view the Sonics settlement in a less than favorable light. I like to think that we traded the team for a large box of turds ($45 million = turd; empty and unenforceable promises from Stern = turd; $30 million subject to legislative approval of public funds = turd). One particular turd was the right to keep the Sonics' name, colors, records, trophies, etc. This was, in my opinion, the prettiest and most coveted turd in the box. Under some scrutiny, however, it appears that this is just an ordinary turd, neither special nor different, with all the defining features you'd expect from a turd.

The common understanding is that Bennett left behind our legacy. But if you look at the settlement agreement - specifically paragraph 6 - you see that it isn't that clear. Bennett retains the rights to the entirety of the Sonics legacy and only has to return it upon (i) a new Seattle team in a renovated Key Arena, (ii) the full and final resolution of Schultz's lawsuit, and (iii) the permanent relocation of the former Sonics to Oklahoma City. [Side note: I'm ignoring the section dealing with an expansion team, since we all know that isn't happening.] Finally, even if we do get a new team, Bennett may use the Sonics legacy in perpetuity as "shared history."

Some thoughts:

1. Based on this settlement, if we get a new team and Bennett feels like it, two NBA teams may hang a 1979 championship banner in their rafters. That's just fucked up.

2. "Key Arena" is not defined in the document. Thus, if we get a renovated arena but secure new naming rights, we might be subject to the approval of an embittered bastard as to whether we're allowed to call ourselves the Sonics. Further, the team must be located in Seattle. So if we build an arena in Renton, Bennett may keep us from being called the Sonics. Awesome.

3. Our rights to the Sonics legacy relies on the outcome of the Schultz trial. This is fucking nuts -- Schultz had nothing to do with the Sonics honoring their lease obligations. He's a legal stranger to this case, but our right to the Sonics name is now subject to his lawsuit. Essentially, Bennett used the incompetence of the city attorney to gain some leverage in a completely unrelated suit.

I'm all out of outrage. I'll just drop this turd back in the box and start focusing on the Mariners and the upcoming football season.

Rally for the Sonics

A week from today, a court will hear Clay Bennett plead for the right to take our Sonics to browner pastures this summer. If we win, we get two more years. I know what you're thinking: what's the point? We've got at least three years before the Sonics will be competitive, right? It will take at least that long for Kevin Durant to put on 20 pounds, P.J. to learn to call an offensive set and Earl Watson to retire. So what does a win in this trial give us? Two more 20 win seasons? Is it worth the effort?

Well, yes it is, you pessimistic assclown. If nothing else, we'll have two more years to convince a local group to buy the Sonics. A long shot, sure, but that's all we've got. So quit your bitching and let's look alive. Save Our Sonics is organizing a rally at the court house. The Glove will speak. Xavier McDaniels will be there. All's I'm saying is that if the X-Man can come all the way out from South Carolina to rally the fans, we should return the favor by walking our lazy asses downtown.

June 16th. 4:30. Seventh and Stewart.

Show up, jerks.