Hindsight is 50/50

The Seahawks' offense couldn't score on Sarah Palin's daughter. The defense is even worse, which is the only reason my fantasy team is 0-5. Only the Rams will keep us from the cellar in the worst division in football, maybe even in football history.

In this morning's Times, Steve Kelley put the city's existential football crisis to rest by answering the question we've all been asking: "WHY?" The answer: Jim Zorn.

If Jesus is the reason for the season, then Zorn, the Seahawks' former quarterback and quarterback coach, is clearly the reason for the Redskins' 4-1 record (against tough divison rivals on the road, no less).

According to this mangled, short-bus-style associative property, Zorn coaches the Skins, the Skins are 4-1, so if Zorn coached the Hawks, we'd be 4-1.

In particular, Kelley says, Hasselbeck "hasn't been the same without Zorn." Welcome to the concept of the spurious relationship. Hasselbeck hasn't been the same without Zorn, it's true, but the confounding factor or lurking variable is named Bobby Engram, Deion Branch, and Nate Burleson.

You cannot seriously lay Hasselbeck's suckitude at the feet of the changing quarterback coaching regime. You also cannot seriously credit Zorn with all the success of what was, after all, a playoff team last year. Clinton Portis deserves some of the credit. So does Santana Moss. So does Jason Campbell (though you could argue from the back of the short bus that Campbell's good year so far is all about Zorn).

Zorn may be a decent head coach. Or he may not be. It is not certain. What is beyond certain is that if Jim Zorn were coaching the Seahawks right now, we'd be 1-4.