Got Crabs?

If the answer to the question is more than five, then you're going to jail.

Stanklin and Yuniesky Airmails It went crabbing and fishing yesterday. (The crabs were too small, and we didn't know what to do with the googly-eyed flounder, but that's beside the point.) We are now both dyed-in-the-wool conservative Republicans, because we had to run the guantlet of the crabbing and fishing licensing process. We want government out of our goddamn lives. We're just plain old outdoors folk; we're not government bureaucrats living on the taxpayers' collective teet.

We had to go to a sporting goods store, give our drivers licenses and social security numbers to a snot-nosed kid, and pay $10 each. In return, we received four pieces of paper that are roughly four feet long when laid end to end. Among the things we were supposed to record on these four pieces of paper:

1. For salmon, the species (CHIN, COHO, CHUM, PINK, SOCK, CHINJACK, COHOJACK) and whether the fish was hatchery or wild, which only takes a quick calculation about the nature of the "adipose or ventral fin."

2. For halibut, but not steelhead or salmon or sturgeon, whether the boat was a charter or private.

3. For sturgeon, but not steelhead or salmon or halibut, the length of the fish.

The rules for Dungeness crabs were pretty easy--just a check for each crab and a note of the date and the "marine area"--but these notes had to be made with a ballpoint pen only ("do not use a felt tipped pen") and "immediately upon retaining" the crab ("failure to do so is a violation of WAC 220-56-175").

By the way, we are required to return our cards to WDFW "even if" we "did not fish or catch anything."

SGB loves the environment as much as the next underground group of Seattleites using nomes de plume. We do not tolerate over-fishing. We do not abide by the murder of baby crabs. We understand the need to pay money so the authorities can protect these marine resources for future generations.

But the licensing process is disgraceful. Funding the bureaucracy costs more than the fees raise. I'll bet a pair of Dice Game's sneakers on it. And this is to say nothing of the opportunity cost of the ordeal. Moreover, it imposes barriers that have nothing to do with protecting the environment or wildlife. If the point is conservation, then the system should be geared toward conservation, not general confusion and despair. For example, why not sell licenses at boat launches, instead of at Northgate Mall? That is a pointless disincentive.

We want a rational system in place, or we're voting for Dino Rossi and John McCain. All of us.