Do I Look Fat in Last Place?

Could Felix Hernandez the player and the Seattle Mariners the team be moving in opposite directions any faster? Note King Felix's feats Monday night in New York against the Mets, in what surely must be the most adjective- and hyphen-laden sentence fragment ever: an opposite-field 375-foot first-pitch grand slam on a 94-mph fastball from former Cy Young winner Johan Santana. No biggie -- it's only the first time an AL pitcher has hit a grand slam since 1971. Then in his second at-bat, Felix took one for the team, and successfully laid down a sacrifice bunt, to which Mets interim manager Jerry Manuel quipped, "Why is this guy bunting? He just hit a home run." Then Felix really took one for the team, getting spiked by Carlos Beltran while covering on a play at the plate. The resulting sprained ankle forced him to the locker room, one out shy of eligibility for the win he so richly deserved. But do the Mariners deserve Felix? Sure, the Mariners got the win on this night. But how frustrated must Felix be when batters 1 through 8 combined for three fewer RBI than he did? How must he feel when he says the ankle injury won't keep him from his next start, while Erik Bedard is scratched from his next turn due to a hangnail? Do the Mariners need to worry that Felix will leave Seattle at the first chance, if not sooner? It's not unreasonable to think that Felix might dump the Mariners, because they need him more than he needs them. Sorry Seattle, your butt does look big, cloaked in the worst record in the majors.