Trading Dudline

So the trading deadline has come and gone and the Mariners underwhelmed again. If we go by The Dice Game's scorecard, the M's batted .333 -- good batting average, crummy trading average. Maybe it was pride overcoming former travel manager Lee Pelekoudas, but from here it looks like inexperience.

First, the good. The Mariners did deal octogenarian reliever Arthur Rhodes to the Marlins for Gaby Hernandez, a 22-year-old pitcher described as a mid-level prospect. That the Mariners landed a former third-round draft pick for a guy with no future is admirable. Rhodes will be the answer to a trivia question for having gotten ejected from his final game as a Mariner. Way to go out fighting.

Now, the bad. The M's failed to trade Raul Ibanez, even though talks with several clubs apparently heated up before the deadline, specifically with the Blue Jays, as reported by Geoff Baker at the Times. According to Toronto GM JP Ricciardi, the M's shot down the deal, even though Jayson Stark had Ibanez going to Toronto for two major leaguers. Said Ricciardi: ""We were ready to go forward. I think at the end of the day they just didn't feel as comfortable going forward to finish off the trade."

If the Mariners were offered anything close to two major leaguers, how could they turn that down? As an aging but still-productive slugger at a reasonable price, Ibanez virtually defines the kind of player who gets dealt at the deadline. It's unacceptable that nothing got done here. Bring out The Gimp -- even if he is sleeping -- because he probably plays better leftfield than Ibanez.

The M's also didn't unload Jarrod Washburn. His recent good outings had elevated him to desirable deadline prospect, and the Yankees wouldn't bat an eyelash at his salary. His trade value won't get any higher, but his paycheck does next year.

Other pieces of flotsam like Carlos Silva, Miguel Cairo and Jose Vidro didn't budge either. You're getting virtually nothing from these guys right now, so it doesn't much matter if you get virtually nothing in return for them. At least you get their bloated salaries off the books. See: Sexson, Richie.

Of course a lot of things had to happen for the Mariners' hopes to fall into place. The Dodgers' late swoop-in to claim Manny Ramirez altered several teams' plans. But that's the thing: this is a fluid situation and the aggressive teams win out.

Sure the Mariners have made some epic blunders at the deadline before. The 1997 debacle that landed Heathcliff Slocumb for Derek Lowe and Jason Varitek comes to mind. But some of the M's worst moves came when they were buyers, not sellers. Famously, the 1987 Braves (sellers) made a deadline deal with the Tigers (buyers), giving up Doyle Alexander for future Hall-of-Famer John Smoltz. We're not expecting heists like that, but you have to do something.

In a sense, the Mariners did make one notable trade. They swapped Bill Bavasi's ineptitude for Lee Pelekoudas' inexperience. The results look pretty much the same.

That's pride f***in' with you

Many SGB readers may know that this is Marcellus Wallace's line in "Pulp Fiction" when he pays off Butch (Bruce Willis' boxer character) to take a dive in the 5th round. I couldn't get this line out of my head as I thought about the pending trade deadline and the quandary our 39-65 Seattle Mariners find themselves in.

Acting GM Lee Pelekoudas needs to take heed of Marcellus' wisdom as he weighs trade offers. Yuniesky first brought up the subject in May, but let's be clear once again. Lee, get what you can and don't let pride f*** with you. This team is no good and don't let whatever small role you had in putting this team together affect the expediency with which you dispatch them to the far corners of pennant contending universe.

Here's the latest rumors:

* Jarrod Washburn to the Yankees - This sounds like a salary dump. The Mariners want some mid-level prospect for Washburn, who has been pitching very well as of late. The Yankees seem to be balking at this. If the Yankees are willing to take on Washburn's salary (about $10 million) for next season, I'd deal him for a bag of bagels or a decent slice. Don't play your hand too hard, Lee.

* Arthur Rhodes to just about everyone - The fact that people are interested in Arthur Rhodes is just another example of how baseball teams are always looking for lefty relief pitchers. Yes, he is having a decent year and has been very good recently, but he is 38, was on the shelf all of 2007 and had a 5-plus ERA in 2006 with the Phillies. So, I'd be happy with anything here including a shishkaberry for Yuniesky. (The SGB one not the Mariners' one. Although that chubby Cuban looks like he's had a stick or two (dozen) in his life.)

* Raul Ibanez to the New York Mets - This one is a little more difficult. Ibanez is the only bat to worry about in our punchless line-up. Also, he is a bargain -- one of the few in the Mariners line-up -- at $5.5 million a year. But hey, that's why people want him. You don't hear a lot of offers for Willie Bloomquist, do you? The Mets seem to be saying that the Mariners are asking too much. I assume this is standard negotiating policy, but the Mariners have to deal him. Try to get more than 5 cents on the dollar, but if you can get a few mid- to upper-level prospects for him, then do it.

If anyone else hears any decent rumors, we'd love to hear them. As a departing shot, I turn once again to the words of Marcellus Wallace.

"F*** pride! Pride only hurts, it never helps."

Wind?! Blows.

Why have one name when six will do? Apparently, the Thunder isn't the only option being considered for the former Sonics. What I love most about this short, otherwise straightforward article is this: "Marshal is usually spelled with one l. It's not clear why the league used a variant spelling." Perhaps Clay Bennett wants to honor this late manther and fellow oil baron. I'll leave the snark heavy lifting to TrueHoop.

How Many Ways Dost Thou Suckest?

Now that Seattle is a two-sport town, the Mariners are doing a great job of stinking up almost the entire sports section. It wasn't just their putrid present that sullied the front page, but also their organizational ineptitude on the back page that caught my eye this morning. The Seattle Times periodically lists the standings of the Mariners' minor-league teams, and what an eyefeast it is.

Showing that the nut doesn't fall far from the tree, all of the Mariners' minor league teams have losing records:

Tacoma Rainiers (AAA) 50-52
West Tennessee (AA) 11-19
Wisconsin (A) 7-23 (?!)
High Desert (A) 12-19
Everett (A) 15-19

If you're scoring at home, that's a combined 95-132 record. Throw in the parent club's tab and it's 133-193. It's hard to be 60 games below .500 in anything, but the Mariners are doing just fine, thank you very much.

On the other hand, one of the must put-upon franchises of all time, the Chicago Cubs, currently have winners at all levels of their system. Never mind the Cubs themselves have the best record in the NL.

Since I had some time on my hands, I decided to compare the Mariners' organizational "prowess" with their opponents in the AL West. It's not pretty.

Angels organization:

LA Angels of Orange County, CA, USA 60-39
Salt Lake (AAA) 60-42
Arkansas (AA) 9-22 (But won their division's first-half title)
Rancho Cucamonga (A) 17-13
Cedar Rapids (A) 15-15
Orem (Rookie) 22-11

Angels' organization record: 183-142

Texas Rangers' organization:

Texas 52-48
Oklahoma (AAA) 58-45
Frisco (AA) 19-12 (Also won divisional first-half title)
Bakersfield (A) 13-18
Clinton (A) 14-17 (Won first-half title)
Spokane (A) 26-8

Rangers' organizational record: 182-148

Oakland A's organization:

Oakland 51-48
Sacramento (AAA) 60-42
Midland (AA) 15-16
Stockton (A) 13-17
Kane County (A) 11-19
Vancouver (A) 14-20

A's organizational record: 164-162

If you're still reading, congratulations. You're probably like me and feel better knowing that the Mariners are really 50.5 games behind the Angels, rather than the 22 games the standings would have you believe. It's in these numbers that the putrid legacy of Bill Bavasi really shows itself. This is a deep hole that takes time to dig and time to get out of. And it assures us that while the Mariners' present is a blot on the sports pages, the future looks bleak too.

Will my M's headband get me a free hotdog?

Ok, so this is weird. With rumors flying that the former Sonics will soon be known as the Oklahoma City Thunder, the entrepreneurial minds behind the New York Yankees' AA affiliate have offered any person wearing Sonics paraphernalia a free ticket to a Trenton Thunder game. As Trenton General Manager Brad Taylor said in the press release, “We just want to help ease the pain for Sonics fans worldwide.”

I doubt any self-respecting Sonics fan will stoop so low as to trade on his or her fanhood for a free ticket to a minor league baseball game. I mean, sure we lost the team we've followed for 41 years, but hey, at least we get to watch the team atop the Eastern League take on the Altoona Curve for free! Dag, that's like, ten bucks! Sweet! Who's complaining!? We're making out like bandits!

Anything Else We Can Give You?

So eschewing our suggestions to name them the Team Rustlers, the Hayseeds, or the Dissemblers, the owners of the former Sonics are apparently going to name the team the Thunder. Wow, how original. I guess the Storm was already taken. And Iowa State already has this intimidating name and logo. Maybe 290-pound bust Ron Dayne can throw up the first jump ball (Tiki Barber's presence is optional). I guess in Oklahoma, you have to give a nod to the weather without reminding people too much of this or this. Oklahomans know their tornado outbreaks like The Dice Game knows high school ballers. Either way, I'm glad I won't be the guy cutting into "American Idol" to tell Kevin Durant to duck into his basement because a twister is bearing down on his mansion.

I'm sorry, why am I rambling on about this anyway? It must be that ghost limb thing. Stop me before I try to cut it off again.

Headlines That Appeal to the 14-Year-Old Boy in Me

ATP suspends doubles titlists Cermak, Mertinak for betting

I just can't read the word "titlists" quite right.