Seattle's Got Balls

Will He Or Won't He?

2009-02-18T16:40:00.000-08:00

To read about whether Ken Griffey, Jr. will return to the Mariners is to sense that to Seattle, Griffey is the old boyfriend or girlfriend that you still have feelings for long after the fact. To others, he's the ex who you're glad to be rid of. But why not split the difference? Why can't he just be a friend or acquaintance? That's about as much investment as fans should be giving to this.I understand that Griffey gave his best years to the Mariners and the fans adored him. He will always be identified with the heady days of 1995. And it's hard to forget the past when your present isn't that exciting.

When Faulkner wrote, "The past isn't dead. It isn't even past," he couldn't have known it would be so fitting for M's fans right now. But at 39 and playing on borrowed time and balky limbs, Griffey's potential for success is limited. He won't be loping through centerfield like a gazelle or hitting tape-measure home runs. His fans have to remember this.But those who are vehemently against signing Griffey need to get some perspective as well. If the Mariners were to sign Griffey for one year for $2-3 million (what the Braves are said to be offering), what would be so harmful about that? This is not the same as signing Brad Wilkerson for $3 million. It doesn't derail the Mariners' youth movement. Maybe the young guys would look up to him. His attitude might loosen up a locker room that apparently has had chemistry problems.

Overall, signing Griffey would tug at lots of fans' heartstrings, while perhaps angering others. But let's look at it for what it would really be: a low-risk, mid-reward proposition. Let's just think about it that way and try to treat Griffey as a friend or acquaintance who might move to another city.

Maybe They Are Who We Thought They Were

2009-02-03T19:44:00.000-08:00

Quick, without looking, who's the leading scorer in Pac-10 Conference play? Here's a hint: you won't get it. Arizona State's James Harden is the overall scoring leader who's getting a lot of publicity, but strictly in league play, he's a close second to...Justin Dentmon. UW's senior guard is one of the pleasant surprises for a team that is surprisingly tied for the league lead halfway through the conference season.

At 16-5 (and 7-2 in the Pac-10), UW is ranked in both polls for the first time in two years. The Huskies lead the conference in scoring, rebounding and rebounding margin, and have the league's top individual window cleaner in Jon Brockman. But if Washington is going to make noise in March, it's their trilogy of guards who will make it for them.

Dentmon, freshman stud Isaiah Thomas (third in conference scoring) and Venoy Overton provide the kind of solid guard play that's thought to be a key to March Madness success. In UW's recent win over UCLA, the guards showed the range of their abilities, for better or worse. They looked sloppy and outclassed by Darren Collison and Jrue Holiday as the Bruins jumped out to a 9-1 lead. Then they completely turned it around on the offensive and defensive ends as UW came back and then pulled away in the second half.

Because the Huskies guards can be erratic, they look like a team that could either flame out in the first round of the NCAA Tournament or make a run. ESPN's Bracketology expert has UW tabbed as a rising #6 seed against a Utah State team that's more experienced in March than you think. Brockman's leadership and inside play will be vital if UW's guards go off the rails. Rebounding margin also tends to be a good predictor of March success, so Washington will have to keep banging the boards to stay successful.

Regardless of what happens, the fact we're talking about UW as the conference leader and a tourney lock shows how far they've come. The Huskies were picked to finish fifth in the Pac-10, but their inside-outside combo has been better than advertised. Plus they've been making their free throws much more than last year, when they were the worst in the nation in that category. This is an exciting team that's fun to watch and easy to root for -- in Seattle of all places. The rest of the country shouldn't sleep on UW, even if they haven't heard of the guy who's leading the Pac-10 in scoring.

I Can't Quite Hear It Yet

2009-01-27T16:36:00.001-08:00

1. I am fat.

2. I eat fast food at least three times a week.

3. I can't wait to see "Paul Blart Mall Cop" at my local 20-plex.

4. When I stand on the rim of the Grand Canyon, I call friends on my cell phone and announce to all where I am.

5. I don't care about soccer.

The first four statements are false; the fifth is true. But numbers 1-4 would seem to dictate the fifth, and complete the stereotype of self-centered ugly Americans who don't know or care about things outside our borders. However, here's something I've learned: it's okay not to like soccer, because resisting the world's game doesn't make you an ignorant person.

I wish I were psyched about the Seattle Sounders. They're a new major-league team in a city that has had precious little good sports news recently. They have an established, successful coach and some local players. Clearly, expansion means MLS is becoming more popular. The thing is, I just don't care. I wish I did, but I don't. I plan to attend a game or two, and maybe I'll change my mind. But let's not pretend the arrival of the Sounders makes up for the loss of the Sonics.

Yet soccer appears to be a sport that the PC set in Seattle can really get behind. I've always felt a certain amount of condescension among soccer players and fans toward people who don't follow the sport. Things like, "It's the world's game and it's too subtle for Americans," and, "Look at the way soccer brings warring countries together on one playing field." I get that; there's truth in those statements. Plus, no doubt soccer players are some of the best athletes in the world. Just spare me the attitude when I say I don't follow soccer. I'll do the same when you say you don't like baseball or football.

I'm rooting for the Sounders to do well here. If Kansas City, Columbus and Salt Lake City can support franchises, why not Seattle? I hope my first game will undo my indifference toward the sport. I just fear the motives of new fans. I hope I don't see crowd shots of latte-drinkers sitting quietly in their seats who think going to a Sounders game is akin to protecting salmon. I hope they remember that just because number 5 is true, that numbers 1-4 don't necessarily follow.

Vikings' Ship Going Down

2009-01-08T22:04:00.000-08:00

It's not like I go to a ton of Division II football games, but the small-college guy in me was sad to see this: Western Washington University is dropping its football program. The Vikings started playing football in 1903, but the school decided to cut its most expensive sport to spare its 15 other sports (which will no doubt bring some Title IX haters out of the woodwork).

As the P-I article states (incidentally another entity that is rumored to be going under), Western travelled a lot for a small school. No surprise, given that there will now only be four Div. II programs west of the Rockies: the directional schools Central Washington and Western Oregon, along with renowned pot haven Humboldt State, and southern Utah's own Dixie State. Aside from Western itself, this hurts its biggest rival, Central. They played each other twice a year, and I had a grand old time at one of them, the Battle in Seattle in October. Where else can students go to a game at a pro stadium and have it be quiet enough for them to pass out? Oh, um, maybe that was part of the problem.

You might not know this, but the Atlanta Falcons' punter, Michael Koenen, went to Western. And New York Giants' tight end Kevin Boss went to Western Oregon. And interception machine Jon Kitna went to Central, while current Wildcats QB Mike Reilly is supposedly a legitimate pro prospect. So it's not like they're playing terrible football in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference. Besides, how many other schools will ride into the sunset with a win over the Colorado School of Mines in the Dixie Rotary Bowl?

Even though the boys from Bellingham will no longer be playing football, Western will always have this ridiculous catch and its lingering notoriety. Hey, an ESPY is an ESPY, even if Joe Theismann is presenting it. And as some are already suggesting, this can only help a UW Huskies squad desperate for talent.

The Year's Least-Shocking NFL Headline

2009-01-08T11:25:00.001-08:00

I was going to nominate "Adam Jones Waived by Cowboys," until this gem appeared on ESPN today:

Favre to wait before deciding on '09

USC North!

2009-01-06T11:14:00.001-08:00

Steve Sarkisian is already showing himself to be a better recruiter than Tyrone Willingham. By landing Nick Holt as Washington's defensive coordinator, UW now has USC's former offensive and defensive coordinators in the fold. And Holt might be the better get of the two.

This was Holt's third year as USC's defensive coordinator, and this season he presided over the nation's stingiest scoring defense (9 points per game) and second-best in total defense (221 yards). Granted, it's hard to know how much power assistants have under Pete Carroll, and since Carroll is a defensive coach, he probably pulled a lot of the strings. Still, Holt likely could have gone almost anywhere from USC. That he landed at UW -- and made what appears on the surface to be a lateral move, or worse -- is a coup for the Huskies.

Holt initially rebuffed Sarkisian's entreaties to come to Seattle, but a big raise certainly sweetened the deal. This hire shows UW is willing to spend money to get better; an average of $700,000 a year for a defensive coordinator is a lot of coin, and Holt is now the highest-paid assistant in Washington history. Some reports say he might have been intrigued to run a defense free and clear a head coach's interference. And if he can turn this defense around, Holt would have a good shot at a head coaching job elsewhere in a few years. (He had an unsuccessful two-year stint as head man at Idaho, where he provided Willingham with his first win at UW.)

It's hard not to like what Washington is doing to improve its football team. Getting guys from a program with the pedigree of USC can only help. Then again, there's nowhere to go but up for the Huskies.

A New Year and a New Result

2009-01-04T21:28:00.000-08:00

Could it be that Seattle actually has a winning team to cheer for? Perhaps, after the Huskies routed Wazzu 68-48 in Pullman Saturday night in the Pac-10 opener for both schools. UW is now 10-3, although this is the team's best win of the season.

The numbers don't lie: Washington shot 48 percent from the field, while holding WSU to 41 percent. They outrebounded the Cougars 36-20 and even did something they hardly ever do: they made their free throws. They did it without a big game from Jon Brockman, while freshman Isaiah Thomas handled himself well, with 19 points, 4 rebounds and 4 assists. Granted, this isn't the same WSU club of the last few years, but the Cougars still have some pieces left over from their previous NCAA Tournament runs. And breaking a 7-game series losing streak to your rival on the road is nothing to sneeze at.

UW has played better since a close loss to Florida (which followed a blowout to Kansas) and the Huskies might just be what we thought they were: a potential 20-win, NCAA-caliber basketball team. After the city's horrendous sports year in '08, at least one Seattle team is creating sports hope in '09.

Seattle's Got No Balls -- For Snow Removal

2008-12-26T20:32:00.001-08:00

I apologize ahead of time for posting a non-sports related topic on a sports blog, but this is a pressing matter and all the Seattle teams still suck. It's now been five days since the last and biggest in a series of snowstorms here, and side streets are still more rutted than a ranch road. Granted, it doesn't snow much here, but the city has been undone by more than its inexperience dealing with the "white stuff." We're also suffering from a typical case of Seattle pansiness.

The Times got to the heart of the matter earlier this week in this article, and the question still remains: why doesn't the city use salt on the roads? Amazingly, Seattle equips its 27 snowplows with rubber blades, purposely trying to pack things down. (Portland has about 50 plows --another transportation realm where the Rose City beats us.) So let me get this straight: you're sending out snow PLOWS that you know are just going to pack down the snow, and you're happy with that? Really? That's like a coach announcing before a game that he just wants his team not to get blown out: "Look, we're going to give almost our all -- not 110%, but maybe 68% -- and I hope we just lose by 10 points," he would go on to say.

Salt is used with much success in other parts of the country, but the city refuses to use it because it can harm salmon. Again, let me get this straight: salt might run off into streams that drain into Puget Sound. Then the salmon would be like, "Hey, is that salt that I taste? Damn, I'm swimming back to the ocean, where it's less...um...salty." But the state DOT uses salt and the city uses sand and chemical de-icer. So what is gained here? I'm sure the salmon love the chemicals from the de-icer. And at least Seattle can say Puget Sound is no brinier because of the Emerald City -- that's all the state's salt degrading the pristine waters of the Sound.

Then there's this article positing that sand might be more harmful to fish than salt. So Seattle's environmental sensibility might not just be ridiculous in this case, but also flat-out wrong. Then Mayor Greg Nickels has the gall to give the city a grade of "B" in its efforts to clear the roads. I'd love to see the road leading to his house, because he clearly doesn't live on my street.

The streets are so bad, KING 5 had to Get Jesse! on the case. What's enlightening about this piece (besides the fact Jesse is about to have an aneurysm) is that you need to call the city to request a plow to clear your street. A freaking request? Isn't keeping streets clear part of the city's job? Last I checked, I didn't have to call Seattle to pick up my garbage, although at this point maybe I do. I suppose I should also request to have electricity in my apartment, and water in my toilet.

Look, it's not like you'd have to use salt in Seattle 20 times a winter. If they'd spread it around several times the last week, we'd be out of this mess and probably wouldn't have another salt-requiring storm again for 10 years. Even more maddening is that the city actually has salt on hand, but won't use it. And let's not make this out like only anti-environmental red states use animal-killing salt. Such blue enclaves as New York, Vermont and Maine use salt with impunity and success, and my travels there have been smoother because of it. Granted, I wouldn't drive my old '57 Chevy on a salt-treated road, but that's only because I don't have chains that fit the whitewalls.

Seattle makes a lot of noise about being a world-class city, and it's obviously got a lot going for it. But it has absolutely fallen down on the job, and we're all falling on our asses because of it. But no matter, this will take care of itself. The snow is already turning to rain and that will wash all of this away. But not before we get flooded streets from melting snow left over by a half-assed cleanup made even more impotent by misplaced priorities.

We Hate '08

2008-12-25T11:43:00.000-08:00

We all know 2008 was a terrible sports year here, but this article by Seattle-based ESPN.com writer Jim Caple really brings it home and lets the rest of the country in on our misery. A combined 65-124 record combined among the Mariners, Seahawks and Huskies, 3 coaches or managers fired and 1 departed team only begin to tell the story. Bring on 2009, because it can only get better.

Seattle's Got (Snow)Balls

2008-12-22T21:47:00.000-08:00

Our gate assignment changed three times and the flight was 90 minutes late. Aside from that, everything was great. So what was the reaction when we landed? Applause, of course. Such was the feeling of amazement when we touched down at Sea-Tac Sunday night. Given how much snow was on the runway and how heavily it was snowing at the time, I think everyone on our plane was incredulous we even landed. A visit to the terminal and a tour of a paralyzed city only confirmed that.

I'd spent the weekend in sun-dappled Tucson, where highs hung out in the mid-60s. But I kept a jealous eye on the weather in Seattle. Jealous, because I'm a geek for snow, or maybe just a geek. I barely missed a snowstorm as I flew out on Thursday morning and I alighted late for the meat of Sunday's event as well -- and I regretted both. I always got excited for snow when I was growing up in New York and snow is rare enough in Seattle. This storm shows how rare.

Looking for ground truth, I checked out highlights of the Seahawks-Jets game from a bar at the Salt Lake City airport during my layover. Yup, it was snowing. But even though the Seahawks beat Brett Favre on the frozen tundra of Qwest Field, at least one Jet got a victory of sorts. Seattle's sports scene is so lame that even when fans win, they lose.

When I got off the plane, I felt I had stepped into Port Authority or Penn Station. People were sleeping on any piece of floor they could find. Loads of cancelled flights threatened to condemn travelers to a scene out of one the lesser-known carols: "Christmas at Sea-Tac." At the baggage claim, orphaned luggage beckoned.

I have a thing about trying to preserve snow on my car as long as possible. One time while living in Maine, I kept snow on the roof of my Subaru for three straight weeks, diligently tending to the base like a ski area groomer. When the last piece of frozen crust flew off while I sped down the Maine Turnpike, a piece of me went with it. So I had high hopes when I returned to my car at Sea-Tac. I wasn't disappointed. Heavy snow and strong winds had created the kind of cornices I'd only seen on exposed mountain ledges. I waved off the broom-wielding parking attendant and brushed off the equivalent of eyeholes on my windshield.

Snow seems to bring back long-ago associations better than most phenomena, so when I pulled onto the snow-packed road, I felt I was back in New York or Maine. Plows had clearly been through, but the road surface didn't appear to be treated with anything (unlike in the Northeast, where salt successfully wages battle against snow and ice). A few cars rattled by with chains, a surprising sight and sound outside the mountains. But State Route 99 did its best impression of Stevens Pass; the dreaded "compact snow and ice" meant my tires never touched ground. It was a ghostly drive home, and what few cars I saw inched along. A pickup truck sat abandoned along the side of the road.

I think it would have taken at least twice as much snow as this to lay low other northern cities. It's nice that we have creative people who make snowpeople like the one pictured above, but why can't they deal with snow here? We don't live in Miami, and snow is always just a mountain trip away. But apparently Armageddon has arrived and its calling card is white. I hope we survive.

If going from Tucson to snow wasn't enough, I got other hints my trip was over. As if to say that I wouldn't be needing my clubs any more, the airline broke the kickstand on my golf bag. But at least it was a gradual comedown from highs in the 60s to chilly Seattle; the temperature in my apartment when I returned was 52 degrees.

Huskies Football: Coming Soon to a Theater Near You

2008-12-09T15:14:00.000-08:00

UW has released a video to get us pumped up for the new era of Huskies football. It's your basic action-movie trailer: fast cuts, speeding graphics, and a shrieking orchestral score only slightly less bombastic than Carmina Burana.

The quote from Sarkisian is pretty good, though maybe they could've done a bit more judicious editing so he didn't start by saying: "This is 2008." Well, yes. It is.

What do you think, fellow SGBers? Are you ready for some non-losing football?

Hi, I'm Steve

2008-12-08T11:15:00.000-08:00

You can't judge a coach's ability by his first press conference, but if Steve Sarkisian's initial media meet-and-greet is any indication, he realizes the importance of public relations. At least on TV, the event had the feel of a pep rally, and fans packed the Don James Center. Sarkisian hit all the right notes, honoring UW's past glory -- including the school's defeat of BYU in 1996, when Sarkisian himself was sacked 8 times -- while pumping up supporters for a bright future.

The 34-year-old Sarkisian oozed passion and energy, even as he lapsed into oxymoronic coachspeak (example: when asked how long it would take to turn the program around, Sarkisian said, "It's going to take some time, but that doesn't mean it can't happen fast." Huh?). But what you took away from this stagecraft was that UW has a young guy who will be a dogged recruiter ("The top players in this state should never leave") and will relate to fans. The loudest applause came when Sarkisian announced he would open up practices to the public and the media, something Tyrone Willingham was criticized for not doing. Sarkisian apparently learned a few tricks from Pete Carroll's PR manual and he knows how not to be Willingham.

What other Pac-10 schools may be privately applauding is that Sarkisian will continue to call plays for UW. Some USC fans bashed his play-calling while urging him to be fired. Still, he preached protecting Jake Locker better and intimated that he'd like his QB to run less and pass accurately more. Sarkisian has worked with some of the best college quarterbacks in recent years, so Locker should benefit from his new coach's experience.

Sarkisian will continue working for USC through the Rose Bowl, then take the reins here on January 2nd. It will be months before he has a chance to win a game for UW, but Sarkisian already appears to have won over many fans. Unlike his predecessor, Sarkisian seems to realize the importance of first impressions and how big a role PR plays in a job like this.

Sarkisian, Sarkisian: He's Our Man!

2008-12-04T22:06:00.000-08:00

Well, apparently the search is over and UW's hire is a guy who was barely mentioned the last few weeks. That could mean Steve Sarkisian was way down on Washington's list or the administration was really good at employing red herrings. Either way, it sounds as if he aced the interview. According to Bob Condotta of the Times, "One source said (UW athletic director Scott) Woodward was blown away by Sarkisian's interview and decided to go with a young, energetic face to take over for the fired Tyrone Willingham."

Here's what we do know: Sarkisian is the 34-year-old offensive coordinator for USC, and is also reportedly USC's recruiting coordinator. The hire is getting mixed reviews on one Husky blog, which is natural when you bring in a relatively unkown quantity like Sarkisian. On its face, hiring a kid with no head-coaching experience smacks of a mid-major or the Oakland Raiders. Then again, some point out, Bob Stoops was never a head man before Oklahoma lured him away from Florida.

Consider several points here that could make this a very good get. If Sarkisian has as much to do with recruiting as his title implies, then UW should welcome him with open arms. USC has talent to burn every year, although that's more about Pete Carroll than Steve Sarkisian. (And this year SC's defense is more dominant than its offense.) Still, Sarkisian had to have made some solid California recruiting connections that he can bring here.

Sarkisian also no doubt had a hand in developing former Heisman winners Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart, since he was twice quarterbacks coach at USC (sandwiched around a year with the Raiders). He is a former QB himself and led BYU to a 14-1 record in 1996 (who plays a 15-game season?), with the only loss, ironically, against UW. This hire had to be made with Jake Locker in mind, who would be clapping at this news if he didn't have a broken thumb.

Sarkisian comes from good coaching stock, having worked under Carroll and former USC offensive coordinator (and current UCLA OC) Norm Chow. Chow is known as an offensive genius and is probably the best coach never to get a head job. He was also Sarkisian's offensive coordinator at BYU and hired him at USC in 2001. What is troubling here, though, is that Sarkisian and Chow apparently haven't spoken in four years. This LA Times article intimates that Sarkisian helped push Chow out the door in 2005, although Carroll seems to be at least as culpable for this as Sarkisian. Lack of ambition seems not to be an issue with young Sark.

On the other hand, some in Trojan Nation had become disenchanted with Sarkisian's playcalling. This article shows surprising fan vitriol against Sarkisian's abilities, especially compared to Chow's. Perhaps Lady Dice could weigh in on this.

With this hire, UW officials had to go in the opposite direction of a Tyrone Willingham, and they did. In getting a young energetic coach, the school is hoping to fire up an unhappy and shrinking fan base. Despite his youth, he's a guy who already has a recruiting track record and success working with quarterbacks, the position most crucial to UW's potential success. From afar, he seems barely indistinguishable from another potential UW coaching candidate: Lane Kiffin, now the head guy at Tennessee. Of course, some are already grumbling that Washington didn't get a high-profile head coach with previous success, a la Mike Leach; what about that big splash UW was supposed to make? Of course, nobody is going to please everybody, and as with any decision that's hours old, we'll just have to wait and see what happens. But either way, it's a gutsy move on UW's part, with all the risks and potential rewards that come with it.

Is It Over?

2008-12-04T19:58:00.001-08:00

ESPN says USC's Steve Sarkisian will be the UW's next coach.

Fetch, take it away!

A Tale of Two Searches

2008-12-04T10:35:00.000-08:00

What do shadowy airport sightings, parking attendants and anonymous sources have in common? They've been the public face of UW's search for a new football coach. We knew Fresno State's Pat Hill and Texas Tech's Mike Leach interviewed for the job because of leaks. Initially we found out Hill was on his way to Seattle because two parking attendants said they saw Hill's car at the Fresno airport.

Granted, Sunshine Laws don't apply to coaching searches. Administrations and front offices don't have to tell the public anything along the way, and most don't. So that's what makes Mariners Jack the GM unique. He gave almost daily updates on who he was interviewing for the manager's job and then allowed them to talk to the media as well. Of course, he's not above making Captain Obvious statements like this (referring to possibly trading Adrian Beltre and JJ Putz): "I'm in no mood to give anyone away. I'm in the mood to improve this ballclub." But following Bill Bavasi, who combined KGB-like secrecy with FEMA-like ineptitude, at least Jack the GM is reaching out to a fan base that badly needs a hug.

Two coaching searches for two crummy teams, done in two totally different fashions. I'm not surprised by UW's approach, but the Mariners' path shows more accountability and respect for fans. UW could take a page from the Mariners, and how often have we been able to say the M's are worth imitating?

UW: The Nadir

2008-11-23T08:24:00.000-08:00

I was snookered. Consider it the last time I overestimate an 0-10 team. After the Huskies stole defeat from the jaws of victory in a 16-13 double-overtime Crapple Cup loss to the Cougars, it can't get any worse for UW -- except that it can. The Huskies will be heavy underdogs against Cal Saturday in a quest to go 0-12. Wow. The only winless team in major-college football is also one that made a Rose Bowl this decade and won a national championship during the last one, all the while a Top-20 program. The fall from grace is complete. So how did Tyrone Willingham drive this train so far off the rails? It's instructive to look at Willingham's past to see how his present is so bad.

It's hard to remember that four years ago Willingham was a hot coaching prospect. He had success and moral outrage on his side after getting canned by Notre Dame. His ouster after a three-year record of 21-16 caused consternation among some Irish faithful who felt the school debased itself in the name of winning at any cost. Prior to that, Willingham was successful in Palo Alto, where he brought Stanford -- Stanford! -- to a Rose Bowl. (It's also hard to remember a time when USC didn't have a stranglehold on the Pac-10). But what those schools have in common are high academic standards. Willingham was a success working under those circumstances, but apparently doesn't have what it takes to operate outside them.

I imagine Willingham in living rooms coming across as a military recruiter, exuding confidence and integrity, while appealing as much to parents as he does to the athlete. When you're recruiting people considering Stanford or Notre Dame, you're dealing with kids who are real student-athletes, insofar as they exist in major-college football. Presumably they're successful at juggling the rigors of football with long hours of classwork. By and large, they're self-motivated. But at a place like UW -- or most schools, for that matter -- where more external motivation is needed, Coach Ty fell flat.

Willingham clearly failed as a motivator. He has the charisma of dry toast, and his press conferences and interviews are notoriously bland, even by the diluted standards of coachspeak. You don't have to be a quote machine to be successful, but it helps to change your expression once in a while. Pete Carroll, Nick Saban and Mike Leach are different in that they're affable, slick and quirky, respectively, but they all have personality. In addition to being good recruiters, they seem to get through to their players most of the time. But Willingham never got through to his UW teams. (Also, Willingham didn't recruit well early on, but his recent classes have been better. I bet a better motivator has more success with Ty's players next year.) His stoic demeanor looked more distant and icy as the losses mounted. At schools like Stanford and Notre Dame, Willingham could get away with the edict-from-on-high thing, but that didn't cut it at UW. Willingham didn't motivate his players, and if you're not a motivator, you're not really a coach.

Despite all this, I still think Willingham can be successful elsewhere. UW fans probably don't care where Willingham goes, just that he is going. But install Ty at a service academy or a brainy school and he can win again, and some schools fitting this description might soon have openings. It's not hard to picture Willingham at Vanderbilt, where Bobby Johnson has the Commodores poised to go to a bowl for the first time since 1982. Certainly bigger programs will come calling, and Johnson's name has been linked to the Clemson vacancy. Northwestern has won 9 games under hot young coach Pat Fitzgerald, but it's not clear if he wants to leave Evanston; Fitzgerald was a linebacker on the Wildcats team that made the 1996 Rose Bowl. Rice is also uncharacteristically bowl-eligible, and the Owls' fan base might approve of an established name like Willingham if that job were to open up. (Lt. Daniels could weigh in on this). But it's also quite possible that Willingham's reputation is so bruised by his UW failure that he has to take an assistant job somewhere.

Fans might disagree, but I think the UW program is in better shape than when Willingham came on four years ago. That's not saying much because he took over a house in shambles, following a 1-10 season in 2004. The team had little talent and was still dealing with the aftermath of Rick Neuheisel's malfeasance. These days, the program is cleaner, and if you surround Jake Locker with a modicum of talent next year, UW will win at least a few games. Nonetheless, much of UW's failure clearly lies at the feet of its coach. He didn't recruit well enough early on, and his style was a bad fit at a place like Washington. It's almost too bad because it confirms the old adage: nice guys finish last.

UW head coach rumor mill

2008-11-21T08:51:00.000-08:00

The news came out yesterday that the University of Washington interviewed Notre Dame offensive coordinator Michael Haywood to replace Ty Willingham. I can't imagine that Haywood is a serious candidate, because 1) Notre Dame's offense stinks and 2) he is not even calling the plays for the shitty Notre Dame offense.

More significantly, I think he's not a big enough name that will appease the fans. The school wants someone who creates buzz and I just don't think the mastermind of the shitty Notre Dame offense is that guy.

The Dice Game and Lady Dice were at dinner with some friends talking about this news when Dice Friend, an individual who happens to be in the know about these things, shocked us. I asked, "Dice Friend, who do you think is going to be the next UW coach?"

"Jim Mora, Jr."

Isn't this the same individual who is under contract to coach the Seahawks next year? The chosen one? Dice Friend said it doesn't matter and that the Seahawks will not hold him to the contract because of the PR disaster it would cause locally if the team prevented him from taking the UW job. Even more surprising was the next name thrown out by Dice Friend.

"Mark Richt."

The Georgia coach? Why would he leave a top flight SEC school with fertile recruiting to come coach at UW? Dice Friend says money. Georgia is apparently not compensating Richt that well and UW is willing to pay to make a big splash. Richt can recruit, but can he coach? Is there a more disappointing team this season in college football than the Georgia Bulldogs? That whole idea seems crazy to me.

One coach that had been mentioned -- Gary Pinkel from Missouri -- seems like he's now off the market for the UW job.

I just share the knowledge. Y'all can discuss.

Waka Waka Waka

2008-11-19T17:15:00.000-08:00

Don Wakamatsu. We don’t know anything about him. The one thing I get from reading the papers is that he’s detail oriented, which I guess puts him more on the roto-geek side of things than the gut feeling side. But that doesn’t tell us whether he’ll be any good; you can be a good roto-geek manager or a bad one, and you can be a good gut feeling manager or a bad one.

He’s worked for every single team in the American League West. He says he thinks it helped him get the job, but I don’t understand how being the bench coach in Texas a while ago helps you beat Texas now.

As a minor league manager, he compiled a losing record. That goes against Jack the GM’s claim that a history of winning would be a primary consideration, but minor league managers’ records don’t mean anything. Your personnel is moving around all the time, and the emphasis is on developing players, not winning. So let’s give him a pass on that for now.

In short, I see every reason to be optimistic. So far, it looks like the Mariners did right by hiring Jack the GM. And it looks like the organization is committed to building a long-term winner instead of a short-term loser. So that’s be a nice change.

I do have one concern. Well, concern is too strong, but it might be something to watch. Everybody has heard the rumors that Ichiro gets special treatment, and that that’s the main reason the players were having fist fights in the clubhouse last year. The next step in that speculation is that there are larger issues between the Latin players and the Japanese players. Wakamatsu is Japanese, and it makes you wonder how the Latin players—Felix, Yuni, Beltre, Jose Lopez—will react. Or how Ichiro and Johjima will react.

On the other hand, Wakamatsu is a relatively young guy who grew up in Oakland. Somehow, it seems like he has a better chance to deal with any cultural complexities that might arise than the old white dudes from bumblefuck who we’ve been hiring to do the managing.

Sour Apples

2008-11-16T21:09:00.000-08:00

On November 23, 2001, college football fans from Piscataway, NJ to Berkeley, CA -- and nowhere in between -- eagerly awaited the kickoff of the Cal-Rutgers game. Each team hoped the other would cure what ailed them. And that season, there were nothing but ailments for both clubs. Rutgers entered the game 2-8, while Cal sported an 0-10 record, in a contest that featured future NFL underachievers Kyle Boller and L.J. Smith. AND, the hype had been building all season. The game was pushed back to November from mid-September because of the 9/11 attacks. So as fall eased toward winter along the banks of the Raritan, the excuses were over. The Battle of the Beatens was on!

That tilt is the closest I can come to approximating Saturday's Apple Cup. Like Cal, UW comes in 0-10 (I'll get to some more exciting parallels later), while Wazzu is 1-10. While we've documented the Huskies' putrefaction in this space all year, the Cougars might be worse. Aside from beating Jerry Glanville's hapless Portland State squad, WSU hasn't been competitive in a single game. They've given up at least 58 points six times and injuries forced them to hold an open-campus casting call for a quarterback. Consider that Saturday's loss to Arizona State represented the smallest margin of loss since October 4th. Consider that WSU lost 31-0. Since UW "only" bowed to ASU 39-19 last week, give the Huskies the edge. Meanwhile, Dennis Erickson is petitioning the NCAA to let the Sun Devils play WSU seven times next year, and UW the other five.

But unlike that pillow fight seven years ago, this Sour Apple Cup is a rivalry game. You know, you can throw out the records for this brawl. If only we could. Both sides always say that beating the other validates their season. For this year's winner, it'll be like a cherry on top of a triple turd sundae.

Rivalry or not, is this not the worst game between two BCS schools since Cal-Rutgers? Let's open up the phone lines. Hello? Hello? Um, is this thing on? With a nod to Stanklin, cue the tumbleweeds. When you consider that UW and WSU have both played in Rose Bowls this decade, Saturday's game is even more shocking in its awfulness.

But a history lesson from The Battle of the Beatens could offer solace to both UW and WSU. Late in 2001, Cal's head coach Tom Holmoe resigned as the season circled the drain, while UW's Tyrone Willingham is also "stepping down" at the end of the season. Cal brought in Jeff Tedford, who has turned the Golden Bears into a winning program, while now being mentioned as an outside candidate for the Husky job. Meanwhile, 2001 was current Rutgers head coach Greg Schiano's first year. Since then, he's brought the Scarlet Knights to unprecedented heights and rebuffed offers from bigger programs. WSU is also led by a first-year coach and former WSU football player Paul Wulff. Coincidence? Of course not.

On November 23, 2001 in front of 18,111 fans, Cal beat Rutgers 20-10, sending coach Holmoe out a winner and euthanizing a season for two piss-poor teams. Ergo, my Sour Apple Cup prediction: UW 20, WSU 10, with Tyrone Willingham getting a turd sundae shower in place of Gatorade.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's to blame for it all?

2008-11-13T11:09:00.000-08:00

In honor of Rick Neuheisel's return to Husky Stadium on Saturday, we thought we would serenade him with the lyrics of the hip-hop icon whose nickname he has been bestowed.

Best believe monas a virgin
A virgin? ! honey needed a slap
She tried to tell me shes a virgin -- with her yea wide gap
I said, it dont matter, see, Im not picky (word)
Let me spell my name out for you, its ricky:
R -- ravishing
I -- impress
C -- courageous; so careless
K -- for the kangols which Ive got
That I wear everyday and
Y -- why not?

Good lord, pay your respects to Rick the Ruler!

The liberal Seattle elite media has filled its pages this week with stories about how Slick Rick is to blame for the state of UW's football team. While I have no love for Slick Rick and hope to see him fail miserably at UCLA, he's not to blame.

Let's think about this. After Slick Rick left Colorado, the program lost five scholarships for one year, and was put on two years' probation for 51 rules violations while he was the coach. It's impossible to commit that many violations in a four-year period of time without leaving fingerprints. Did someone at UW perform some due diligence on this guy? How hard would it have been to go over to Colorado and see if the players go to classes? Are the players completely out of control?

Either UW knew what it was getting in Slick Rick and looked the other way or it didn't know because it didn't check thoroughly into his background. Either way the blame rests with the people who hired him. Slick Rick only did what comes natural to him. The scorpion and the frog. As Too Short once asked, "why you tryin' to turn a ho into a house wife?"

The Final Seven

2008-11-11T11:08:00.000-08:00

SGB hates to say I told you so, but I told you so. I won’t be eating any pizzones, because, as I predicted, the Fab Five of Lloyd McClendon, Bobby Valentine, Art Howe, Willie Randolph, and Ned Yost aren’t on the Mariners’ managerial short list. In fact, it looks like they weren’t even on the long list.

I was thoroughly wrong about which Red Sox coaches would get the call—I thought it would be John Farrell and not DeMarlo Hale and Brad Mills, but it is in fact DeMarlo Hale and Brad Mills and not John Farrell—but I will make you another wager. If Hale (DeMarlo, not Chip, another candidate) or Mills gets the job, I’ll buy a round of pizzones for the entire SGB staff.

So here is the list: DeMarlo Hale (Red Sox third base coach), Brad Mills (Red Sox bench coach), Chip Hale (Diamondbacks third base coach), Joey Cora (White Sox bench coach), Jose Oquendo (Cardinals third base coach), Don Wakamatsu (Athletics bench coach), and Randy Ready (Portland Beavers manager).

There are four noteworthy things about these candidates: They’re young, they don’t have any major league managerial experience, the majority of them aren’t white (in Barack Obama's post-racial America, there is hope that these guys aren't affirmative action interviews and are instead on the list because Jack the GM wants them on the list), and they’re affiliated with well-run organizations. According to Jack the GM, it was this final characteristic—their history of winning—that put them on the list, and it will be leadership ability (whatever that means) that puts one of them on top.

As I said last week, I like Joey Cora. He’s young, he’s Latino, and he’s a fan favorite from his playing days in Seattle. Jose Oquendo doesn’t have the Mariners pedigree, but like Cora he’s a young Latino coach who used to be a decent middle infielder. Randy Ready has the best name in the group, but some SGB staffers watched the Portland-Tacoma tilt this summer, and frankly, Ready’s Beavers didn’t look very tight. I can’t say that I know enough about Chip Hale or Wakamatsu to make a judgment, but the larger point is this: This list gives me even more hope that Jack the GM is going to straighten the M’s out. Nobody knows enough about what goes on during the interview process to determine if, say, Chip Hale can manage personalities better than DeMarlo Hale, but we do know enough to say that Jack the GM is throwing conventional wisdom out the window.

And this team has run on conventional wisdom for the last decade. See this post for my overly long explanation of the “good baseball man” mentality that keeps the Mariners from being a “good baseball team.” By next week, we’ll know which of these seven guys is at the helm, and then the real work begins: Jack the GM will put together the team for the manager to manage. Right now, I trust that he knows what he’s doing. It’s a refreshing change to get the sense that the Mariners GM might be better at his job than I would be at his job.

Be My Valentine?

2008-11-06T12:24:00.000-08:00

Jack the GM is about ready to start interviewing managerial candidates. So far, he's not tipping his pitches. "I do think what we're looking for is the best possible person," he said. Got that?

In the absence of any hints from Jack the GM, reporters put together a list of candidates by asking him, "What about person X?" He says, "Maybe so," and then wham! Person X is on the short list.

So we're hearing a bunch of names that sounds like the list of candidates for worst manager of the year, circa 2002. Lloyd McClendon? Seriously?

Then there's the Mets trinity of failure: Bobby Valentine, Art Howe, and Willie Randolph. (Is Dallas Green still alive?) Everybody's talking up Ned Yost, because he has a relationship with Jack the GM from their Brewers days. But the Brewers shitcanned Ned Yost right before their pennant run, so I'm not buying that.

The only reason we're talking about these also-rans as candidates is that we have to talk about somebody and they're the names we know. If it's any one of the five people mentioned above, I'll eat two Pizza Hut Pizzones in one sitting for free.

There was some buzz in the Times this morning about a few members of the Red Sox staff (John Farrell, DeMarlo Hale, and Brad Mills), but that's probably because somebody got interviews with Theo Epstein and Terry Francona. Of the three, Farrell's the most likely possibility. DeMarlo Hale is too intense, and intense is out since Joe Madden the baseball Buddhist meditated his way to the World Series. Brad Mills is just Francona's buddy from college.

Right now, the name I've heard that makes the most sense is Joey Cora. He's a legend in Seattle, and that helps when the Mariners brand is taking a beating. He's young, and that helps when the Mariners are rebuilding with young guys. (Bobby Valentine may be famous, but I don't see Yuniesky buying into his antics.) He's Latino, and that helps when many of the Mariners young guys are Latino, too.

In the end, whomever they pick, what matters is not who it is but what it says about the way Jack the GM wants to run the team. The manager will be like Palin in that way. She was an awful pick, which was bad in its own right, but even worse because it showed that McCain wasn't serious about governing.

Here's hoping that Jack the GM names a manager who shows he's serious about rebuilding smart.

Beavers in 2012

2008-11-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

This isn't really Seattle-related, but it'll be interesting to see how the President-elect's brother-in-law does at the Pac-10's basketball doormat.

Ease our pain

2008-11-05T15:20:00.000-08:00

SGB, along with the rest of the country, is still in awe of what happened last night with the election of Barack Obama. The problems of Seattle sports fans seem insignificant by comparison. That said, we still have to feed the beast so I will pass along this link.

Chris Ballard from Sports Illustrated synthesized what we have been saying for months. It's a bad time to be a Seattle sports fan or as Ballard puts it, "once-in-a-lifetime badness."

Enjoy

2008-11-03T14:13:00.000-08:00

Nothing to do with Seattle, but this is too good to pass up.

A Winning UW Team?!

2008-11-03T11:49:00.000-08:00

We know the Sonics are gone and the Seahawks and Huskies are awful. What we could find out, however, is that a UW team might be good this season. The Huskies basketball team has some arrows in its quiver and should finish in the top half of the Pac-10.

UW looks to rebound from last year's losing record because head coach Lorenzo Romar is much better than football coach Ty Willingham in one key area: recruiting. As Stanklin recently noted, Lute Olson's retirement allowed UW to persuade Abdul Gaddy to stay home. That's luck more than anything else. But Romar has convinced more local talent to come to UW than his predecessors. And he's done it at a place that's historically a football school.

New to the team this year is Isaiah Thomas (not the suicide-attempting one, although the younger version got his name because his dad lost a bet during 1989 NBA Finals between the Pistons and Lakers). The 5'8" Tacoma product is a guard in the Nate Robinson mold: he averaged 31 points his junior year, before spending two years at a prep school in Connecticut. He's ranked as the #23 shooting guard by Scout.com, although he'll probably play the point at UW. Either way, he should be able to contribute immediately.

The big gun returning is All-America candidate Jon Brockman. The senior from Snohomish averaged nearly 18 points and 12 rebounds last year and, as they say, leaves it all on the floor. And according to his bio, Jay Bilas considers him the best rebounder in the nation. That should count for something, no?

Junior guard Quincy Pondexter should also be a solid contributor, as he moves back into the starting lineup after coming off the bench most of last year. He is the last vestige of UW's version of a Fab Five recruiting class. Led by Seattle product Spencer Hawes, that group was expected to anchor the team for years. But Hawes inadvisedly jumped to the NBA after one year (he would be a junior this year if he'd stayed), and others transferred, but that's hardly Romar's fault. Such is life in college basketball these days.

The Huskies have reached unprecedented heights under Romar. They were a #1 seed in the '05 NCAA Tournament, and that was the first of two straight trips to the Sweet 16. Those squads were led by Nate Robinson and then Brandon Roy, two Seattle studs who chose to stay home. Romar could easily have jumped to a higher-profile program after that, but the UW alum also chose to stay home. If Hawes had wisely chosen to hone his game here rather than languish on the end of the Sacramento Kings' bench, we might be talking about a top-15 team.

As it is, the Huskies are being picked to finish fifth in the Pac-10, but that was before Olson bolted from Arizona. UW has gotten some Top-25 votes, and they could make some hay in conference. UCLA is still stout, even after losing Russell Westbrook and Kevin Love, and Arizona State and USC are also expected to be strong. But Washington State should be down after losing most of last year's starting lineup and there's flux elswhere: four Pac-10 schools have new coaches.

UW's out-of-conference schedule ranges from brutal (Kansas) to cupcake-esque (Portland and Portland State, Cleveland State and Lehigh among others). But it definitely tends more toward more tomato cans than bullies.

Continuity at the coaching position and solid recruiting give UW basketball fans hope for the future. But the present doesn't look so bad either. 20 wins and a run at an NCAA berth are realistic goals for this year's team. And at least we know this basketball team isn't leaving town.

Easy Come, Easy Go

2008-10-30T15:28:00.000-07:00

Lute Olsen’s retirement has resulted in a boon for UW basketball, as Abdul Gaddy (Bellarmine Prep, Tacoma), the number 2 rated point guard in the nation according to Scout.com, withdrew his commitment to Arizona and announced that he will sign a letter of intent to play for the Huskies.

Sound good? It gets better -- Gaddy will be 17 when he enrolls. Some quick math tells us that he’ll have to spend at least two years at UW before considering pro ball due to the NBA's asinine age limit. [SGB readers are reminded of this old chestnut: "Old enough to fight for your country, old enough to make a crapload of duckets playing pro ball]. I suppose there's a chance he could go all Josh “I have a butler and a free house” Childress on us, but we won't worry about that now.

Some highlights (cruelly, put together by some site called GoAZCats.com):

Finally, while we're tangentially on the subject of Lute Olson, I feel compelled to impart this nifty anecdote from the March 2006 issue of Wine Spectator:

“[My wife and I] went to Joseph Phelps after we made the Final Four in 1988, which was the first time any Arizona team had ever been rated No. 1. The fellow who met us was a U-of-A grad, and a big fan. He looked at my Final Four watch and said, "Would you consider trading it for a case of '84 Insignia?" I had about a dozen of those watches in the drawer at home, so I agreed. He sent us a case of '84 Insignia, signed by the winemaker. My wife and I went out of town the weekend the wine came. We arrived home Sunday night, and as we were walking by the trashcan on the way into the house, we saw bottle after bottle of Insignia. One of our sons had had a party at the house. And they could have been drinking Boone's Farm, for all it mattered to them. Easy come, easy go.”

Um, I woulda whupped that kid’s ass. Just saying.

Breaking up is hard to do....

2008-10-29T19:29:00.000-07:00

I feel like a jilted ex-boyfriend. My girl dumped me, moved out of town and now her new boyfriend showers her with affection and love. Yes, I miss her. Especially tonight when I see her out with her new man. My ex? The team formerly known as the Seattle Supersonics.

They tipped off tonight in their new ugly uniforms with their new ugly fans. Whenever I feel overcome with sadness, I find it helpful to put together a list of things I don't miss.

Earl Watson - Stop me Sonics fans if this line looks familiar. 3/9, 8 pts, 4 assists and the team was a minus 16 with the "Pearl" on the floor.
Bad losses - In front of what was undoubtedly a sell-out crowd, the TFKATSS (squint your eyes and that looks like fat-ass) lost to a Milwaukee team playing a second night in a row. Not only did they lose, they scored 14 points in the first quarter and were down 15 at halftime. PJ, the master motivator, strikes again.
Helping to pad the other team's stats - I remember watching Raymond Felton play against the Sonics last year and this usually mediocre guy looked like an All-Star. Absolutely unstoppable. He dropped 23 and 6 and hit the game-winning shot. Tonight's Raymond Felton? Charlie Villanueva, who dropped 20 and 12. (He averaged 12 and 6 last year.)

So why do I miss them? I'm not sure. I just do.

Know Hope

2008-10-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

The Mariners have their new general manager, Jack Zduriencik. He grew up in Western Pennsylvania, in the pro-America part of America, so we'll call him Jack the GM. It's easier than Zduriencik anyway, and it helps clear up any misconceptions that he might have socialist tendencies.

Jack the GM is not a whiz kid. He's not a candidate to be the subject of Michael Lewis's next book. He's a baseball lifer. I think that's good. The Mariners didn't just hire the first Theo Epstein facsimile they could find. They apparently hired the guy they liked, which shows some fortitude.

Jack the GM has three things going for him.

First, he's not Bill Bavasi.

Second, he's proven over the years that he knows how to draft. He drafted half the current Brewers, and that's a hell of a good-looking young team. Moreover, the papers are reporting that he'll bring two of his Brewers colleagues with him to start rebuilding the Mariners scouting operation. If the M's start drafting like the Brewers, that's a huge leap forward. No offense, Matts Clement and Tuiasosopo.

Third, he's starting to clean house. He must have sent a pretty clear message to Jim Riggelman that he's looking for a new manager, because Riggelman signed on to be the Nats' bench coach. (Bizarrely, Riggelman told reporters the day he took the job that he is "still holding out hope that I could go back to Seattle.") And today he fired Bob Fontaine, the longtime director of scouting. So if you ask me whether Jack the GM knows he has to start over, I'd say that signs point to yes.

I do have one concern. At his press conference, Jack the GM let the meaningless baseball cliches fly without any traces of self-awareness. Here's what I want to know: Do the dumb cliches just seem correlated to losing because most GM's say stupid shit and most GM's do stupid shit? Or are they in fact correlated? Does the stupid shit they say explain the stupid shit they're about to do? Time will tell, and I plan to monitor the situation closely.

So here's what Jack the GM gave us to start out with.

"My goal," he said, "is the build this organization into position to compete with the best clubs in baseball."

Then: "My goal would be to put the best club on the field that we possibly can by the time Spring Training opens and then into the first game of the season."

Then: "Our goal is to win as quickly as possible and sooner than later would be better."

Then: "My goal is to create a team. I can tell you sincerely that when this thing is said and done, we're going to be a team from top to bottom."

I am glad that Jack the GM isn't trying to put the worst club on the field over the long term so that this collection of selfish individuals is in a position to continue losing. I'm glad that they'll all be "pulling from the same end of the rope," because God knows you can't win when half of you are pulling from the other end of the rope.

Straight Talk, Expressed

2008-10-28T08:21:00.000-07:00

OK, so this has nothing to do with Seattle, and only marginally anything to do with sports, but the money quote from Charles Barkley's interview with Campbell Brown--in which he announces his intent to run for governor of Alabama in six years--is too good to pass up:

Brown: So are you going to run for governor?
Barkley: I plan on it in 2014.
Brown: You are serious.
Barkley: I am, I can't screw up Alabama.
Brown: There is no place to go but up in your view?
Barkley: We are number 48 in everything and Arkansas and Mississippi aren't going anywhere.

Bye Ty

2008-10-27T16:23:00.000-07:00

The inevitable happened today, as many thought it would. UW euthanized Tyrone Willingham, even though the athletic director had previously said he didn't "foresee" making a change during the season. But this was a mercy killing in every sense of the word. The toxic environment at UW made Wall Street look like Disneyland.

It was almost too fitting that UW fell to 0-7 on Saturday against the last school to fire Willingham. That meant the Huskies officially could not make a bowl, widely regarded as the only way Willingham could have saved his job. They hit new lows in the 33-7 loss. The Huskies gained only 124 yards while fans derisively cheered each of their 9 first downs. Insult upon injury, Notre Dame executed a fake punt while up 24-0 in the third quarter.

There had been speculation that Willingham might step down, but he said he had never considered that. On the possibility of resigning, Willingham said, "It's just not in my makeup." So we know he is a standup guy who runs a clean program, but as Stanklin wrote awhile back, people only pretend to care about cleanliness in college football. Winning is it.

Ted Miller writes that Willingham's hiring split the fan base. Add to that some weak early recruiting classes, and Willingham was behind from the beginning. His last two recruiting classes, however, are well-regarded, and the next coach will have some young talent to work with. But he will also have to re-recruit some players who have rescinded their verbal commitments as all of this uncertainty has played out.

The UW administration has been preparing for this day for at least a year. When former athletic director Todd Turner (who hired Willingham) was eased out last December, Ty's days were numbered. Washington clumsily took 9 months to fill the job, as they were no doubt rebuffed by candidates who didn't want their first act to be the firing of Willingham. But the interim AD Scott Woodward was promoted to the job full-time. He is a guy president Mark Emmert brought along with him from LSU, and Emmert surely backed him up on this. An 11-32 record didn't help Ty's cause.

When former Raiders coach Lane Kiffin says to ESPN, "The University of Washington is a great job," that's about as public a lobbying effort as you can get. It's hard to know what kind of head coach he really was in the miasma that is the Raiders, but he rose quickly at USC and the 33-year-old could be the shot in the arm this program needs. Missouri coach Gary Pinkel's name has also been linked to UW, as has Seahawks head-coach-in-waiting Jim Mora, Jr. Would he jilt the Hawks and jump to UW? Remember that he helped seal his fate with the Falcons when he said how much he'd like to coach at his alma mater.

Granted, Willingham's tenure at UW ended up a failure. But it's worth pointing out that fans are no more mature about these kinds of things than players. Whenever a coach or manager identified as a "players' coach" is fired, inevitably players will say things like, "There was no discipline," and "We didn't have any direction." So a disciplinarian is hired and the team/program succeeds for awhile until the players start tuning him out and then he's canned as well. Then the athletes say things like, "He never treated us like a man." A players' coach is hired again and the cycle continues.

Fans are no better. Following Rick Neuheisel's shenanigans, UW's program needed a cleansing and fans were embarrassed. They got a Mr. Clean in Willingham, although they were quick to trash him. Of course, this line of reasoning only goes so far because Ty never won at UW. But it provides a cautionary tale for Washington as it considers who it will hire next.

Seattle: "We're #1 (Among Places to Live)!"

2008-10-25T22:01:00.000-07:00

I play a little game sometimes when I watch ESPN and see scores flash across the bottom of the screen. As the matchups go by, I choose which school/city I'd rather attend/live in of the two facing off. So if it's "Texas vs. Oklahoma State," of course I pick Texas. If the Chargers and Bills clash, I opt for San Diego. Luckily for me and my living situation, I choose Seattle over just about anywhere, unless perhaps a future basketball franchise plays this team.

With the NHL, sometimes I can't come up with an answer before the score changes. I have to think twice about "Thrashers vs. Predators," not only because those teams aren't immediately identifiable to this non-hockey fan, but also because I'd rather not live in Atlanta or Nashville (under duress, I guess I would choose Nashvegas).

So I was confused the other night when I saw "Thunder vs. Suns." I thought maybe there was some barnstorming team playing a preseason game in Phoenix. Or was it possible I had missed out on some meteorological death match? When I realized what was going on, it was another hurtful reminder of Oklahoma City's theft of the Sonics. On the flip side, I knew I had found the major-league city I would least like to live in. Houston, you're off the schneid.

Dog Bites Man: P-I Edition

2008-10-23T16:46:00.000-07:00

From Tuesday's P-I on the supposed duel between Charlie Weis and Ty Willingham:

...[T]he current leader of the Irish doesn't spend time exchanging small talk or inside secrets with the man he replaced at Notre Dame in 2005.

Weis, whose team invades Husky Stadium on Saturday for a 5 p.m. battle, said Tuesday he is cordial with Willingham and talked to him in January at the national coaches convention, but the two are not exactly on speed dial or each other's Fave Five phone lists.

Let's see. The guy who's gone 26–17 chooses not to seek coaching advice from the guy who's gone 11–31. Stop the presses, Joe, I've got a hot one!

Carlesimo adds naive optimism to legendary ineptitude

2008-10-23T10:37:00.000-07:00

Last season, Sonics fans grew accustomed to PJ Carlesimo’s incompetence. His timeouts were the depressingly predictable: he’d call the team to the sideline, walk to the three point line with his assistants, furiously scribble on a white board for over a minute and get back to the team with about 5 seconds left. Meanwhile, Durant and Green (rookies that could use some guidance) spent their timeouts last season the same way we did: wondering how young the littlest boom squad member was.

Kevin: "Do you think he’s a midget?"
Jeff: "No way, he’s a kid. Look at the size of his head… it’s well-proportioned."
Kevin: "So he’s some kind of breakdancing prodigy?"
Jeff: "Well, he’s good, but I wouldn’t call him a… what’s that coach? Ok, inbound to Earl, let him dribble down the clock and take a fade away three? Got it… BREAK!"

While his incompetence is familiar; bravado is something new. On Monday, the former Sonics held their NBA-mandated open practice. For some damn reason, PJ predicted 15,000 attendees… 3,000 showed up. I’m not sure what the hell he was thinking, since this team had trouble pulling 15,000 to a Laker game in Seattle.

Meanwhile, Kevin got the cover of sports illustrated, inexplicably sporting some high school uniform. I hate everything.

Open casting call for Mariners GM

2008-10-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

As if it wasn't bad enough to finish with the second-worst record in baseball, the Mariners are managing to start the off-season with the team's trademark ineptitude. The Mariners are in the market for a new general manager. Candidates have been targeted, interviewed, vetted and now, nothing.

According to the SeattleTimes:

The team's list has been reduced to Kim Ng, assistant GM of the Dodgers; Jerry DiPoto, director of player personnel for the Diamondbacks; Tony LaCava, assistant GM of the Blue Jays; and Jack Zduriencik, the Brewers' VP for player personnel.

Not a peep from the team. They've dragged their feet for so long that they might not be able to announce a new GM until the end of the World Series, due to Major League Baseball's rules against making news during the Fall Classic.

What awaits the new GM?
1) A new manager - A new GM will want their own manager not some leftover from the previous failed administration. Best to get cracking before all the good candidates are elsewhere.
2) Beltre - He's in the last year of his deal. He still has SOME value and a new GM may look to deal him for a few prospects.
3) Raul - Do you break the bank to try to resign him in the free agency market? I say no. I love Raul. He's a good player and a good guy, but he's 36 and this team needs to get younger.
4) Bedard - Do you offer him arbitration? I think yes. Sure, he was a total stinker last year, but he is due for free agency after next season, which means he will AT LEAST try.

That's only four major decisions, but please take your time, think it over, and let us know whenever the time is right. In the meantime, I will bleed to death from a thousand paper cuts.

UPDATE - The Associated Press is now reporting that the Mariners have selected Milwaukee Brewers executive Jack Zduriencik as their new general manager. Here's the write-up from when he was named Baseball America Executive of the Year in 2007.

A Visit to a Magical Place

2008-10-20T11:40:00.001-07:00

"Mistakes were made." This was a common refrain during SGB's junket this weekend to a different and better world: Austin, TX. It's a world where the National Beer of Texas sometimes costs a buck. It's a world where you can't help but fall into a food coma at places like The Salt Lick. It's a world where a strip club sponsors a free tailgating party and the students are hotter than the strippers. It's a world where the number-one team in college football turns a contender into a pretender. Even high school football fans are so gung-ho that they wear their old varsity band jackets a decade and a half after they graduated.

It's not that it was a mistake to visit Austin; it was a mistake not to have gone there earlier and more often. For SGB staffers who went to small Northeastern schools, the difference between UT campus life and our college experiences is like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing a bullet. We hit bars and restaurants that kept raising the bar, so to speak. We saw dozens of students camped out at 3:30AM waiting for ESPN College Gameday to dawn. And we were a few of 98,000 fans screaming our support for UT over Missouri, even though the Longhorns didn't need our help. Texas' 56-31 win over Mizzou wasn't even that close and quarterback Colt McCoy completed a ridiculous 91% of his passes. UT strengthened its hold on the top ranking in a place that feels like the center of the universe.

As great as the Austin trip was, it's still nice to return to Seattle, a place that orbits in the same firmament of cool cities as Texas' capital. But of course we come back to a sporting scene as bleak as our October skies. It's even more disheartening because it didn't used to be this way, at least on the collegiate level. At halftime of UW's loss to Oregon State, Washington honored its 1978 Rose Bowl team, reminding fans of better days. During the Don James era, UW probably looked a lot like UT does now, minus the beautiful weather and even more beautiful coeds. Now the Huskies are 0-6 and the vultures circling over Ty Willingham's head are flying lower every week.

It's easy to forget how much excitement and pride a winning team brings to your town when you experience nothing but losing -- losing games and losing teams -- like Seattle has recently. Of course Texas will always have more rabid football fans than the Northwest. But if or when UW returns to gridiron prominence, think how much support the team will get from the school and community, even though it's not the only game in town. It would, however, be the only winning game in town.

Austin probably feels different when the Longhorns aren't winning, although I don't know when that would be. Seattle's self-worth isn't as tied into the performance of its teams as other places, but it's easy to de-emphasize sports when you're losing. We can pretend we don't care, but we're really just trying to control our anger. Yes, mistakes were made, but at least some of them can be undone.

Coach Is It

2008-10-14T22:39:00.000-07:00

A lot of the talk at SGB lately has been focused on coaches. The Ty Willingham Death Watch. The imaginary Jim Zorn dynasty. We even spent some time shitting on Jim Riggelman, a manager, not a coach. But here's the truth. SGB is just like every other sports fan; it's harder to turn on your team than your coach. The easy fix is always to can Holmgren and hire Norm Chow. That way, you don't have to admit what a disgrace your situation really amounts to. You just have to cycle in a new old white guy. But I've never been certain. How much do coaches really matter? Does a good one win you an extra football game? Five extra football games? Five baseball games, or 20? It gets more confusing. Is Bobby Cox a good manager or a turd? On the one hand, his teams make the playoffs every year. On the other, they can't win the big one. Is Joe Torre a genius, or did he have the horses and merely not stand in their way?

I can't answer these questions, but I can offer a few thoughts about what a coach or a manager might do for a team. I invite readers to comment away.

A good coach:

1. Is a brilliant tactician, calling the right plays from minute to minute. Put on the hit and run. Call V-54 Right (hut hut).
2. Is a strategic savant, pointing his team in the right general direction, given the personnel. We rely on the bullpen and the top of the order. We can use our special teams to great advantage.
3. Is a cheerleader extraordinaire who knows how to manipulate his players' psyches and make a winner. Reggie Jackson is Mr. October, but Billy Martin is Mr. October's puppet master.
4. (In college) is a wizard at recruiting, getting the best guys to sign on to the program. Adrian Peterson is Adrian Peterson. Bob Stoopes could be Bozo the Clown and it wouldn't matter.
5. Is a solid manager of a staff, hiring and nurturing the right underlings who can design defenses and offenses. Mike Martz is the reason SF isn't winless. (OK, that's weak, but this list is exhaustive, theoretically).
6. Is a great teacher who maximizes the talent he has access to by making each player learn how to maximize his own talent. It's spring training. Joe Torre makes sure Furcal knows how to manage a rundown.

Those are six I've come up with. But what do you think? Why is a good coach good? And, given a good coach, what difference does it make? Terry Francona is a bad manager. Everybody knows it. But his teams win. So is he actually a good manager, or is he lucky? Phil Jackson has won in two cities. But he's had the best players. Does he get credit for keeping the Lakers together, or does he get the blame for letting them fall apart?

Sound off.

Reefer of the Day

2008-10-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

In today's Seattle Times print edition, the front page of the Sports section has the following reefer (paraphrased because I can't remember what I read above the urinal at the People's Pub):

"The Seahawks unlucky history with 1-4 starts."

Evidently, when the Seahawks start 1-4, they don't fare well. Note that.

Shaun of the Red

2008-10-14T16:19:00.000-07:00

The Redskins picked up Shaun Alexander and Ryan Plackemeier today.

"When Ladell Betts went down, we went looking for a guy who would hit the hole nice and slow, and who would fall down at the first hint of contact. We got our man in Shaun Alexander," head coach Jim Zorn did not say in a statement. "We signed Ryan because, when it comes to punting, we figure: If 22 yards per attempt is good enough for P-for-K, it's good enough for us," he did not add.

The Other Garfield

2008-10-13T17:23:00.000-07:00

Via Garfield Minus Garfield. Kinda feels like the Seahawks' season. I'd take this over 800 words by Steve Kelley any day.

Colt Who?

2008-10-11T23:55:00.000-07:00

An eagerly-awaited college rivalry game with a snappy title kicks off at a neutral site. The Red River what? Try The Battle in Seattle -- the game, not the movie. It's the throwdown between the Central Washington University Wildcats and the Western Washington University Vikings. Once a year, you don't have to drive to Ellensburg or Bellingham for bruising Division II action. Today it came to us, with the winner receiving the Cascade Cup presented by Comcast. After Holy Cross beat Brown 41-34 earlier in the day, SGB staffers tired of small-college football. All of them except me.

As soon as you entered Qwest Field, you knew this was going to be different. Two guys were putting on face paint in front of a bathroom mirror as the PA announcer laid down the law: "Any footballs kicked into the stands must be returned to the field. Thank you." Meanwhile, no one bothered to cover or erase the Seahawks logo at midfield or in the end zones. The Seahawks got scored on a lot tonight.

A female Central student told me this is the highlight of their season. "More people come to this game than go to most home games," she said. A Western student seemed to agree as he flew this placard: "The Wind Doesn't Blow from the West -- Central Sucks."

The Battle in Seattle has been played here since 2003, and tonight's game drew more than 12,000 people, a respectable number for two small state schools. Even so, Qwest Field fractionally-filled is a strange place. It gives the feeling of a five-year-old who proudly tries on his dad's oversized shoes and then stumbles around in them. Qwest Field alcohol-free furthers that impression.

On the field, Central ruled. Coming in ranked 11th in Div. II, the Wildcats seem to make a living as a safety net for players who wash out from larger schools. Senior Central quarterback Mike Reilly is a transfer from Washington State, and according to The Seattle Times, is ranked by scouts.com as the 9th-best pro prospect at his position in the country. That has led to some national publicity as well. He showed why tonight. Reilly broke an all-division NCAA record with a touchdown pass in his 41st straight game and surpassed Jon Kitna's career school record with his 100th TD throw (he now has 103). In all, he passed for 371 yards and four scores, often from a shotgun formation with five wide receivers. If you squinted, you saw Texas Tech running around the field. Among his weapons are former Huskies tight end Jared Bronson and running back JR Hasty. Hasty was a prized Ty Willingham recruit out of Bellevue (and son of former NFL defensive back James Hasty) who never panned out, amid injuries and off-field troubles. Tonight he ran for a robust 15 yards on five carries -- no surprise to those who slam all things Willingham.

Central dominated in other ways too. Perhaps not surprisingly coming from the windy wheat fields of the Kittitas Valley, Central fans handily won the battle of the cowbells. The school's well-regarded music program doubtlessly ballooned their marching band to at least twice the size of Western's (not to mention they were the only band worthy of playing on the field at halftime). The final score: Central Washington, 50, Western Washington, 28, with at least two students passed out.

Dog Bites Man

2008-10-10T17:07:00.000-07:00

Looks like either Seneca Wallace or Charlie Frye ran the offense at the Seahawks' practice Friday. Note this exciting tidbit about the defense:

The defense was very good today, the secondary making a number of plays, including interceptions by Deon Grant and Wilson.

Mike Holmgren thinks it's a good sign that the Seahawks' first-string defense was able to intercept two passes thrown by their second-string, or possibly by their third-string, quarterback.

Um, wouldn't it be news if they couldn't?

Cold comfort

2008-10-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

But at least someone hasn't forgotten. From the Sports Guy's mailbag:

Q: I just saw a link on ESPN.com talking about the Lakers' first preseason game. So, I clicked the NBA link at the top of ESPN.com to see how my Sonics did in their first preseason game, meaningless as it might be. And then I remembered. This was my first "It Just Sank In" moment as a Sonics fan. I'm going to rummage through my cupboards for some scotch now.-- Jack, Seattle

SG: Here's my contribution to the poor Sonics fans: You know the team Kevin Durant plays for right now? I'm never mentioning their "new" name in this column. Ever. For as long as I have it. I'm alternating between these four names …

1. Kevin Durant's Team.
2. The Seattle SloppySeconds
3. The Bennett City Hijackers
4. The Team That Shall Not Be Named

Seriously?

2008-10-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

The start of the NBA preseason is re-opening a lot of old wounds about the Sonics. And I'm bitter. Quick lesson, Oklahoma City. Part of the responsibility of having a real NBA team is to have real reporters following the team who know what they are talking about. After reading this blog post, I think we might need to step in and revoke some press credentials.

Here's some of the high (or low) lights from Mike Sherman, "sports editor":

"Remember all the folks who told us Oklahoma City was delusional to think it was getting an NBA team? Remember those who laughed when we thought the Hornets might stay? Remember when we were told that Mr. Microsoft, Mr. Coffee and Slade Gorton and all those superior intellects, millionaires and “revealing emails” were going to force Clay Bennett’s group to sell the team?"

Wait - did I miss something? Last I checked, it was the NEW ORLEANS Hornets.

"Loved the road unis. LOVE THEM. The look like the New York Knicks’ roadies and that’s a good thing. The “Oklahoma City” on the front might be crowded, but hey, you’ve got to fly the flag. I heard some folks say the “OKC” would have looked better. I might have even been one of them. If I was, I was wrong.
Spelling it out is a political statement. This team is representing the city and the taxpayers who made its presence here possible. And the ownership group is broadcasting that to the world and every NBA city the Thunder visits by wearing “Oklahoma City” across the franchise’s chest. It’s a sign of appreciation, respect and gratitude. Good call, Clay."

The first thing you point out is the uniform? Seriously? And is this guy serious that spelling out the city's full name is a sign of respect? Hold on, I am too busy stabbing myself in the eye ball.

"These guys won’t be the Phoenix Suns, but I’ve got a hunch that they’re more suited to a fast-paced, open-court style of play ... There was a concern about Westbrook’s natural playmaking skills at point guard and those skills are less important in the open court."

By that logic, Steve Nash's "playmaking" skills are not that important because Phoenix plays in an up-tempo system. Good point guard skills are even more paramount in an up-tempo system. All the really good up-tempo teams in the NBA have a good PG with "playmaking" skills. And the bad ones are still searching. See: Denver Nuggets.

"Some of my colleagues at The Oklahoman say we should leave it up to the Thunder coaches and GM Sam Presti to decide who starts. Clay Bennett agrees with them because he hired those guys and not me, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t offer opinions and observations."

First Amendment scholars everywhere rejoice.

"My interest in the NBA is, of course, greater than my expertise in it. But watching these games is a great way for all of us to learn. And no matter how complicated some try to make it, if we watch the game, and keep our mind and ears open, we all can learn a lot quickly."

I'll leave the lack of expertise comment alone since I think that point is pretty self-evident. What's with the rah-rah 'let's learn together' routine?

"My eyes tell me Russell Westbrook is going to be a ballplayer."

This is about the only thing in his post that I can agree with --- because SGB made that point nearly five months ago.

Looking ahead

2008-10-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

Is there anywhere else to look? In the past year, some asshair filched the Sonics, the Mariners ended their season one turd away from a turdathon, the Huskies are threatening to go 0-12, and the Seahawks are playing as if they're jealous of Miami's 2007 record. I’m choking on SGB’s self-loathing, and so I find myself looking forward to something… anything.

Would I find it in Pullman, of all places?

Um, no... I wouldn’t. But what the hell else can I write about?

You may remember last year, when the Cougs rode the talented Kyle Weaver (now a member of the Oklahoma City Thunder -- et tu, Kyle?) to 26 wins. Their season ended in the Sweet 16 to eventual runner-up UNC. Weaver, Derrick Low and Robbie "2.5 personal fouls per game" Cowgill all graduated, leaving the Cougs in a rebuilding year. Next year, they will dress 10 freshman.

So what’s there to look forward to? A 229 pound unpolished block machine that goes by the name of DeAngelo Casto, that's what.

Casto, a Spokane native, briefly flirted with UW before signing with Wazzou. The 6’8 power forward plays an angry brand of basketball. He ushered Ferris High through back-to-back undefeated seasons, leaving the team with a 58 game winning streak and two consecutive 4A championships. In the 4A tournament, he averaged 19.7 points and he broke a record by tallying 25 blocks in four games (including eight in the championship game). He single-handedly doused the storied Spokane barn fire of 2005, helped an average of 3.2 old ladies cross the street over his freshman and sophomore seasons and convinced Senator Cantwell to vote against the bailout bill, calling the bill a "band-aid." Said Casto, "H.R. 1424 is no panacea, and our government has approved it in a dispiritingly desultory manner." He also can eat 29 eggs in one sitting. [Ed. Note: We're fairly certain none of this is true. Except for the egg bit.]

Bring on college basketball season. Or more to the point, bring on the end of the Seahawks' season.

Hindsight is 50/50

2008-10-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

The Seahawks' offense couldn't score on Sarah Palin's daughter. The defense is even worse, which is the only reason my fantasy team is 0-5. Only the Rams will keep us from the cellar in the worst division in football, maybe even in football history.

In this morning's Times, Steve Kelley put the city's existential football crisis to rest by answering the question we've all been asking: "WHY?" The answer: Jim Zorn.

If Jesus is the reason for the season, then Zorn, the Seahawks' former quarterback and quarterback coach, is clearly the reason for the Redskins' 4-1 record (against tough divison rivals on the road, no less).

According to this mangled, short-bus-style associative property, Zorn coaches the Skins, the Skins are 4-1, so if Zorn coached the Hawks, we'd be 4-1.

In particular, Kelley says, Hasselbeck "hasn't been the same without Zorn." Welcome to the concept of the spurious relationship. Hasselbeck hasn't been the same without Zorn, it's true, but the confounding factor or lurking variable is named Bobby Engram, Deion Branch, and Nate Burleson.

You cannot seriously lay Hasselbeck's suckitude at the feet of the changing quarterback coaching regime. You also cannot seriously credit Zorn with all the success of what was, after all, a playoff team last year. Clinton Portis deserves some of the credit. So does Santana Moss. So does Jason Campbell (though you could argue from the back of the short bus that Campbell's good year so far is all about Zorn).

Zorn may be a decent head coach. Or he may not be. It is not certain. What is beyond certain is that if Jim Zorn were coaching the Seahawks right now, we'd be 1-4.

Early retirement for Holmgren?

2008-10-08T13:16:00.000-07:00

This is not the farewell tour that Mike Holmgren had planned. He's not getting rocking chairs or golf clubs in every city and his reputation as a offensive "genius" is taking a hit with every pathetic showing by the Seahawks. There is no shortage of excuses. Hasselbeck is hurt and the team's WRs are banged up. But those injuries don't explain how uninspired the team looks. It doesn't explain how every team except for the St. Louis Rams has been more physical and better prepared than the Seahawks. (Cue: fake punt from Buffalo.)

The only conclusion we can draw is that it is time for Mike to step down. Now. In one of his rare posts, Yuniesky rightfully pointed out how strange the Jim Mora transition plan is and how it actually hurts the team. It's clear that the players are already tuning out Holmgren who will play no role in helping them get a contract extension or even determine their role for next year. The succession plan has effectively removed both the carrot and the stick.

Of course, this will never happen. In the minds of Seattle sports fans, Holmgren ranks right up there with Lou Pinella, another fiery Seattle manager whose regular season success never translated into playoff victories. The situation has gotten so bad that Seattle's elite sports media (we read all media here at SGB) has taken to calling Jim Zorn - the coach who got away. Jim Zorn is probably not the answer and the jury is still out on Jim Mora, but one thing we know for sure is that Mike Holmgren is definitely NOT the answer. Later Mike, see you in two years with the New York Jets.

Seahawks Crashing

2008-10-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

We interrupt this broadcast of the Ty Willingham Death Watch to bring you this breaking news: the Seahawks might be worse than the Huskies. And as I'm watching Mike Holmgren's Monday press conference, I see no indication things will get better.

The crushing 44-6 loss to the Giants was all-encompassing. New York outgained Seattle 523-187, the defense missed tackles and looked generally meek, and the offense couldn't do anything. The Dice Game called this one: the Seahawks, in a crucial contest they had two weeks to prepare for, wilted early and often.

Holmgren is saying things like, "This is the same group of guys we had last year. We just played badly," and "We'll keep doing the things we've doing." Really? Playing matador defense and not protecting the QB are what you're going to keep doing? News conferences are notorious for being bland, but Holmgren's platitudes indicate either a delusion that the Seahawks can just turn it on (unlikely) or a lack of answers to what's wrong here (more likely).

The Hawks can't rely on coasting to a title in the NFL's worst division any more. They now look like the third-best team in the NFC West. The Cardinals crushed the previously-undefeated Bills and the 49ers were game against the Patriots, and they've already beaten the Seahawks here. This is a dead team walking. Luckily, the Seattle Mist start play in less than a year.

An SGB Challenge

2008-10-06T13:24:00.000-07:00

Defend - or, hell, just explain! - Tyrone Willingham's decision to burn two redshirt by playing Terrance Dailey and Cody Bruns. I believe Dailey played all of 3 downs.

Questions after the first quarter

2008-10-05T10:40:00.000-07:00

1) Where's the Hawks' vaunted pass rush? Manning is camping out in the pocket.

2) Where are their unvaunted d-backs? Toomer's just playing catch with Manning.

3) Why wasn't Deion Branch looking for that touchdown pass that hit him in the head?

It's starting to look like the answers all add up to a Giants blowout.

A New Game in Town

2008-10-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

As the light rain picked up, practice devolved into a slick mess. The slippery-when-wet balls bounced off tender hands and lacquered nails. Several went down on the lush carpet. The coach interceded: "When you catch the ball, hold your hands away from your face, away from your boobs. Boobs can't be a help."

That's how this welcome new ray of light on Seattle's dark sports landscape unfolded this morning. 54 women turned out at Green Lake to try out for the Seattle Mist. It's an expansion team in the Lingerie Football League, which will hold Lingerie Bowl VI during halftime of Super Bowl XLIII. The Mist start play next September against the likes of the San Diego Seduction and the Dallas Desire. As the name suggests, this isn't your grandpappy's chick football league; the players basically wear lingerie with pads. And if today's practice is any indication, there's going to be some hot action.

Most of the women looked the part, if not played it. They were "dressed" in short shorts, sports bras and tank tops. Their football skills were less evident. Coaches put them through receiving drills -- button hooks, fades and quick slants ("2-step slant, don't look back at the quarterback. Bam, bam and turn around!") -- a passing tutorial and defensive paces. No previous football experience was necessary, and it showed. Thank god it showed.

"How many of you know what a running back is?" About five hands went up. No matter. It's hard to describe in print what it's like to see attractive women carrying the pigskin and pinballing off tackling dummies. Suffice it to say that if you haven't seen it, you haven't lived.

Five-minute water break: "Stay loose. We don't want any hamstring pulls."

The players will be paid, but organizers won't say how much. Whatever the amount, the women are pumped and discipline apparently won't be a problem. A good-looking blonde named Alicia McLaughlin, channeling the Cincinnati Bengals, said, "I hope this will keep me out of trouble. I have no problem going to work reeking of vodka, but I would take this seriously."

Almost as many salivating guys showed up for the tryout as women. One dude was overheard saying, "They should start a fantasy football league for this." Another intoned, "If Osama bin Laden could see this, there would be no more terrorism."

The casting call for some teams has been huge. About 1,200 showed up to try out for the Los Angeles Temptation, and skirmishes broke out, according to Heather Thiesen, talent director for Hollywood-based Horizon Productions, which is running the show. She says Seattle was picked to get a team because it's a good football market. Some spectators disagree. "This is better than UW football," one guy noted. He added, "You trade one set of girls for another."

I Wish I Could Quit You

2008-10-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

Why do I find myself rooting for Ty Willingham? Why do I want him to succeed? Is it because he's a nice guy that doesn't bend the rules? Is it because he's one of only six black Division I head coaches? Is it because he schedules Oklahoma in game 3 rather than some Division VII schmoo? Is it because I hate Charlie Weis?

I think it's all of those reasons. The problem is, you don't see the most important reason why we should root for a head coach: he's a good coach that gives us a chance to win.

The numbers just aren't on his side. Over his head coaching career, he is 76-80-1. He's had only 6 winning seasons since 1995 (including Notre Dame's epic 6-5 2004 season). His record at Washington? 11-29. yikes.

We pretend to care, but we'd take a Pac-10 title for a few broken rules. Hell, we'd take a bowl game for a few years of probation -- all we have to do is muster 6 freaking wins.

The loss to Stanford was as unforgivable as it was embarrassing. Locker's thumb had nothing to do with Stanford's 466 yards of offense. I'm not calling for his ouster (because that's for reactionary assholes), but I am officially no longer rooting for him.

Nut check time for the Seahawks

2008-10-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

This weekend, the Seahawks are heading into the Jersey swamps to take on the defending Super Bowl champs. It's a tall order, no doubt, and I think it will be the defining game of the Seahawks season. A hard-fought win or, at the very least, a respectable showing gives the team some hope for the remainder of the season. If they get dominated, the wheels will come off the wagon very quickly and a 6-10 record could be in the cards.

The Giants are everything the Seahawks are not. They have an identity: aggressive, ball-hawking defense and a powerful offensive line that blows open holes for a variety of different-sized backs. They are tough, smart and nasty.

Yes, the Seahawks wide receiver corps have been decimated by injuries, but the bigger problem existed even before the injuries. This team has absolutely no identity. It was supposed to be the defense, but the vaunted D gave up 34 points to Buffalo in the season opener and a more embarrassing 33 to San Francisco at home. The Seahawks are full of nice guys, but it is painfully obvious that they lack a toughness that all great teams have. As Oscar Pendejo pointed out in July, this team needs some attitude. (As a rule of thumb, guys in jail are tough.)

Some fans may feel a little better about the team, because it whipped up on St. Louis two weeks ago. But the reality is that the Rams wouldn't be able make it to a bowl game if they were playing on Saturdays and talk of an improved running game is predicated on pounding the ball against the porous Rams and 49ers defenses. Against Buffalo's legitimate defense, the team ran for 84 yards.

I really expect this team to fold like a lawn chair against the Giants who will ram the ball down the Seahawks throat (especially with Plaxico Burress suspended). Pure and simple, this game is a nut check for the Hawks. If they don't sack up, the year of discontent for Seattle sports will just extend into the winter.

Can't Win for Losing

2008-09-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

Now that the Mariners have ceased and desisted, I am left with two thoughts in my head.

First, it could be worse. I could be a Mets fan.

Second, the reason for the special failure of this season is last season's accidental pennant run. It fooled the front office into acting like they were fine-tuning a contending team, not building one.

The Erik Bedard deal is hard to criticize. Aces are the rarest commodity in baseball. If you can get one, you get one, even if it costs you Adam Jones (and George Sherrill, which turned out to be a big loss). Of course, Bedard is not an ace. He's weak sauce. But I don't blame Bavasi for that. A smart team would have made that deal, too.

Carlos Silva is another matter. If the M's were 200 innings away from the pennant, Silva makes sense. (Overpaying for him like the M's did doesn't make sense, ever.) But a rebuilding team doesn't sign a league average contact pitcher to a multiyear deal. That's what the M's are, and that's what Silva is, and now we're stuck with him until the Palin administration. We signed him because we thought we were winners. He makes us losers.

(Keep in mind that Jaime Moyer is going to the playoffs after a 16-7, sub-4.00 ERA season with the Phillies. Two years ago, we traded away a pillar of the community, a good clubhouse guy, and a damn good pitcher for two bodies named Andrew Barb and Andy Baldwin because we were rebuilding. Then last year we signed Silva, who's worse, for more money and more years, because he was the final piece of the puzzle.)

The other reason we're losers because we thought we were winners is that we handled our young guys irresponsibly. A winning team doesn't let Morrow learn how to be a starter on the job, so we kept him in the pen. Now he's a year behind in his development. A winning team doesn't give Balentin and Clement a chance to play every day, at least not until they're 100 percent ready. So we called them up and sent them down in spasms. Now they're behind in their development, and their confidence is in the toilet.

Note: By the time we failed to make any deadline deals this year, we knew we were a bad team, so my theory can't explain that particular shit show.

But overall, if the M's had just admitted how bad they were, they wouldn't be as bad as they are.

Nightmare on Montlake Part IV

2008-09-29T00:04:00.000-07:00

It may seem like we're running out of options to explain the myriad ways the Huskies are losing. But Saturday's 35-28 loss to Stanford is easy to get a handle on: no Jake Locker = no chance. When the sophomore stud QB broke his right thumb in the second quarter while blocking, any chance of UW winning quickly dissipated. Yet they made a game of it, and redshirt freshman QB Ronny Fouch wasn't bad.

Regardless, Washington is 0-4, Locker could be out six weeks and the coaching staff is running out of answers. The calls for coach Willingham's head grow louder, and the opinions on the Seattle Times' Husky blog predictably espouse firing Ty (and hiring Lane Kiffin) or recommend that he do the "honorable thing" and step down.

If fans want to spew venom at the coaching staff, some of it should go in defensive coordinator Ed Donatell's direction. UW gave up 466 yards to Stanford, a season-high for the Cardinal, and amazingly, the Huskies still don't have a single sack this season. But Donatell is no joke. He was a longtime NFL defensive coordinator and defensive backs coach, including a stint with the Broncos when they won two straight Super Bowls. Maybe he's turned into a terrible coach, or maybe he's dealing with an inexperienced unit that still should have a bright future.

Willingham deserves a mulligan this season. With a brutal non-conference schedule and now dealing with the loss of their leader, the Huskies are living in a bad dream. But kicking out a good recruiter and solid citizen like Willingham under these conditions is not only unfair to him, it could potentially scare away established successors. Think about what it would look like to the rest of the country if UW fired its coach four games into a season that featured three games against top-25 clubs, a terrible excessive celebration penalty and a major injury to its starting QB. UW isn't a top program any more, and the administration can't think they would get top-shelf candidates if the head job were vacant. But the decline started before Willingham got here. Let him see this through and no doubt next year will look a lot better. Besides, UW isn't even the worst team in the state; it's only 54 days till the Apple Cup.

On Knocking Out Ichiro

2008-09-26T16:18:00.000-07:00

Quick thoughts about the story of the week that isn't about bailouts or debates.

1) I like Geoff Baker's stuff. He's got a standing gig on KJR-AM that's a reliably good listen, even for a fair-weather fan like me. And bully for him, getting the story to begin with. But he, or his editor, buried the lede on this one. When you've got a teammate looking to take a swing at the city's most popular pro athlete, and management calling a meeting to cool things off, it at least ought to be mentioned in the subhed. Yes, clubhouse tiffs are a hardy perennial. But this one doesn't belong halfway down a 1,600-word story.

2) Whoever's mad at Ichiro, they haven't made much of a case for it. At least not to Baker.

While Ichiro is said to have recovered from his injury, his stolen-base totals dropped as the season progressed. He also did not get to some balls in the gap and the right-field corner at times, prompting more clubhouse complaints that he cared only about piling up hits instead of sitting out to heal properly.

Since when does playing hurt make you selfish? Brett Favre gets up slowly after a sack and every sportscaster in the country gets in line to give him a reacharound. Besides, who was about to make up for all those hits while Ichiro was sitting out?

Come to think of it, this gives me an idea. I think I'll help out my team at the office by not coming to work on Monday. It's the selfless thing to do.

A Milestone for the Mariners

2008-09-25T10:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, up three runs in the sixth inning, Riggleman saw the chance to make something of this turdroll of a season, an opportunity to find some meaning in an otherwise wasted year, to achieve something real and important - something his players could look back on with fondness.

Felix was 1/3 of an inning away from pitching 200 innings.

Riggles on this historic milestone: "Some numbers speak volumes: 162 makes a statement. 200 innings makes a statement. There's a difference between 199 2/3 and 200." Amen.

So he left Hernandez in to finish out his 200th inning, and in the process gave up 3 runs. The Angels ultimately won the game and gave us a more meaningul milestone: 100 losses (thanks to John Hickey of the PI for pointing out the 100 loss, 200 inning parallel)

When asked, Ichiro said "I don't know what 100 losses means." Perhaps in an effort to help explain, Raul said "It's like 99 losses. It's like 101 losses. Any of those numbers is terrible." True, Raul, but maybe Ichiro needs a little more help understanding the gravity of this milestone. Let's reflect:

1. The Ms haven't posted 100 losses since 1983. That's a quarter of a century, people. In 1983, Return of the Jedi was ruling movie theaters, Michael Jackson's video for Thriller was released and Apple unveiled something called the Apple Lisa.

2. With a $117 million payroll, that that means we've spent $2,017,241 for each win. Having spent $40 a ticket to witness a few of those wins myself, I'm trying to decide if I'd throw in an extra $2,017,201 to avoid one of the many losses I've suffered. If only there was some way to win games without spending so damn much.

3. With this loss, we managed to edge out San Diego (currently at 61-97) and Washington (currently 59-99) as the first team to break the century mark this season. That's right, Nats, suck it!

4. Flip our record, and we're two games ahead of the Angels. Guess we're better at losing than they are at winning. What losers.

The sun will come out To-Morrow?

2008-09-24T13:25:00.000-07:00

The most disappointing thing about the Mariners this season is not the awful record or the unbelievably bad play that earned it, it's the complete lack of creativity and risk taking by management. The team did nothing at the trade deadline. It only cut ties with players that shouldn't have been on the team in the first place. It also waited way too long to turn Brandon Morrow into a starter.

The M's started that process in August and Morrow's first start in early September against the Yankees was amazing. Since dominating the Yankees over 7 innings and holding them to one hit, Morrow has been more like the pitcher we thought we'd get.
Overpowering stuff, lapses in concentration and trouble finding the strike zone.

Including his first start against the Yankees, Morrow has gone 23 innings with a 4.70 ERA, 20Ks and 14 BBs. On the positive side, opposing batters are only hitting .193 against him. That means if Morrow could get his walks under control, he could be a very good pitcher. If, if and more if. So, has the great starter experiment made you feel like Morrow can be a bona-fide frontline pitcher?

He's got a great fastball, nasty breaking stuff and a change-up that is developing. He's no Tim Lincecum, the University of Washington pitcher that the Mariners passed on to draft Morrow, but I think he can be a 10- to 15-game winner with the upside of becoming a very good #2 pitcher.

My main concern is how many miles his arm can take if he is a starter next season. He's only pitched 60 innings in the big leagues and a few more in the minor leagues this season. Morrow's also lost a few weeks to injuries. Most baseball men don't like to increase a young pitcher's workload by more than 10 percent from year to year. Even if you ramp that up to 20 or 25 percent, then it still maxes out around 130 innings. That's just not enough innings to be a reliable starter. It probably means it will be another season split between the bullpen and a starting role.

There will be no answers any time soon, so there is nothing to do except enjoy his last start of the season on Friday against Oakland.

Do what comes naturally....

2008-09-23T11:42:00.000-07:00

The Mariners suck, but all is not lost. Not yet. We still have one more thing to root for. It's something more realistic than our preseason expectations for the team.

They are one game ahead in the race for baseball's worst record and the perk that comes with it. This year's prize is Stephen Strasburg, a hard-throwing righty from San Diego State. His stats are staggering. 11-3, 1.57 ERA, 133Ks and 16BBs in 97.1 innings. He carried a no-hitter into the 7th at the Olympics against the Dutch (Yes, I know it's the Dutch) and struck out 23 batters in a game earlier this year.

Drafts in baseball are more of a gamble than in other sports, but this kid is very intriguing. (He throws really hard so there is the possibility of the Mariners putting him in the bullpen for two years and delay his development into being a starter.)

The competition for Strasburg is the Washington Nationals, who gets the tie-breaker advantage because they sucked more last year. The (G)Nats have one more win than the Mariners, who are doing their part with 12 straight losses. The Nats, losers of five straight, close the season with the Marlins at home and the Phillies on the road while the Mariners wrap up with the Angels and Oakland at home.

So, let's root for the Mariners to do what comes naturally to them.

Welcome Back K-Rob

2008-09-16T20:12:00.001-07:00

I guess it shows how dire the Seahawks' situation is. Excitement is building over the re-signing of a former first-round draft choice who washed out in a sea of booze and bad behavior. But here Seattle is welcoming Koren Robinson back into the fold. No doubt he's a talented guy; before he hit the skids, Robinson put up nice numbers in his sophomore season of 2002: 78 catches, 1,240 yards and 5 TDs. But Mike Holmgren eventually tired of his antics and released Robinson after the '04 season. He caught on with the Vikings and made the Pro Bowl as a returner in '05, but then had a DUI there and was cut again. However, Robinson says he's been sober for two years, despite spending most of that time in Green Bay, a place Bill Simmons noted (in a September 15, 2006 column) might not have been the best fit for him:

The Packers were crushed at home by Chicago, then decided it would be a good
idea to sign Koren Robinson ... a guy who's struggled with drinking problems
over the course of his career. Now he gets to live in a city where there's
nothing to do, there's no black people and everyone loves to drink and eat
bad food? Is this signing sponsored by Bad Idea Jeans? Normally I wear
protection, but then I thought, "When am I gonna make it back to Haiti?"

Seriously, I hope the guy has kicked his habit. Professionally, there's no doubt he can contribute to the team, and soon. The Hawks have more injured wide receivers than most teams have on a roster: Deion Branch, Nate Burleson, Bobby Engram, Logan Payne, Seneca Wallace, Ben Obomanu and Paul Skansi. Seattle also acquired Keary Colbert, who has been generally underwhelming since coming out of USC. But throwing to two guys with some experience is preferable to throwing it to...well, whoever Matt Hasselbeck has been trying to throw to. Through two games, he's completed fewer than half his passes and he may have a more serious back problem than he's letting on. Robinson's signing came with Hasselbeck's blessing.

But the Seahawks' problems go far beyond the passing game. Their defense, thought to be stout coming into the season, was gashed by the 49ers in their 33-30 overtime loss. They couldn't stop or contain dangerous UC-Davis product J.T. O'Sullivan. In the process, he became the first Niners passer to throw for 300+ yards in four years (somewhere Tim Rattay is sticking pins in his J.T. O'Sullivan doll). The D also squandered a 14-point lead and couldn't get the stops they needed. Way to waste an 8-sack day.

What the Seahawks did find in this game is a ground attack. Julius Jones rushed for 127 yards, Leonard Weaver had a few good runs and T.J. Duckett bulled his way into the end zone in a most un-Shaun-Alexander-like fashion. Plus, Seattle plays in the Sun Belt Conference of the NFL. They should get healthy this weekend on the Rams, who at this point probably couldn't beat their former cross-town rival, the USC Trojans.

Still, as Mike Holmgren is about to leave Seattle, there may be a changing of the guard in the NFC West. This is roughly the 18th straight year pundits have predicted the Cardinals would finally rise from the ashes, but it might REALLY be happening in Phoenix this time. They're 2-0, Kurt Warner had a perfect passer rating against the Dolphins and the defense looks good.

The Seahawks haven't had to look up in the standings in years, so this is new for most of the team. It's not panic time, but in his last season can Holmgren adapt to what's happening? Can he emphasize the running game over the West Coast tendency to pass, at least until reinforcements in the wide receiver corps arrive? Can future coach Jim Mora get the defense to buckle down? Can those two get along enough and unite the team? If not, it's going to take a lot more than K-Rob to turn things around.

The Worst Is Over

2008-09-14T14:01:00.000-07:00

A national championship contender from a tradion-steeped Midwestern program visits the West Coast, in what turns out to be a blowout. USC-Ohio State? Of course not. We're talking about a battle played deep in that game's shadows, surely seen by dozens of viewers on ESPN. They saw Oklahoma ruin a beautiful afternoon at Husky Stadium, crushing Washington 55-14. UW's same old problems cropped up: poor tackling, dropped and airmailed passes and a frightening 591 yards given up. Now the Huskies are 0-3 and staring at the abyss, with chants for the coach's head growing louder. But really, this is a script anyone could have seen coming, so let's not get rash.

I heard a radio caller on the Huskies postgame show say that the Huskies were more poorly coached than mighty Bellevue in their victory over Bothell. That's Bellevue High School. Really, is this what things are coming to? Now "fans" are calling in to say Tyrone Willingham couldn't even outclass his opposite number on a high school sideline? People need to get a goddamn grip.

This is where we step away from the ledge. Everyone knew the Huskies' first three games were an unholy trilogy that would probably leave them winless. Those three opponents -- Oregon, BYU, and Oklahoma -- are ranked 17, 14 and 2, respectively. Yes, UW took a step back after last week's hearbreaker, but OU is going to make a lot of teams look foolish this year. And if it's possible for a team to take refuge in its conference schedule -- because it's so much easier than its non-conference slate -- then the Huskies can be that team.

UW has a bye week, then plays three of its next four games at home: Stanford, at Arizona, Oregon State and Notre Dame. All of those are winnable. Suddenly, the Pac-10 looks very weak. The conference went 3-7 against non-league foes on Saturday, lowlighted by inexplicable losses by Cal-Berkeley to Maryland, Arizona State to UNLV and Arizona to New Mexico. UCLA, thought to be resurgent under Ricky Neuheisel after an upset of Tennessee, got whacked by 59 points to a BYU team UW took to overtime last weekend -- oh sorry, I forgot. Aside from USC and Oregon, the Pac-10 now appears filled with teases, have-nots and never-will-be's.

Conventional wisdom said Willingham needed to make a bowl this year to save his job. So UW would have to go 6-3 onward to get there. That looks unlikely, but fans need to use a different ruler to measure success from here on out. Let's see how hard this young team plays for its coach. If they still put up a fight and are consistently competitive, then Willingham deserves a chance to keep coaching his talented charges. If they roll over and die and go 0-12, then we'll talk. But if that happens, impatience dictates that Willingham would be long gone by then.

Bill Simmons Gets It Backwards

2008-09-09T09:39:00.001-07:00

From his reader mailbag:

Q: Brady's out. That really sucks. But it could be worse -- you could
be a Seattle sports fan. Let me break it down for you: The Mariners
are struggling through one of their worst seasons ever. Our Sonics,
the only team to win a professional title in Seattle, moved the team
to Okla-friggin-homa and stuck us with the Storm. And the Seahawks --
in Holmgren's final year, mind you -- are now without their TOP FOUR
RECEIVERS! Imagine losing Moss, Welker, Gaffney AND Kelley Washington.
Plus our quarterback is having back problems (including rumors of
bulging discs), and our best running back left last week's game with
an injury. Of course, a 6-10 record might win our division, which
means we get to lose in Round 1. Oh, and the travesty that was the
excessive celebration call on Washington's Jake Locker. But on the
bright side … well, I give up. Be thankful you don't live in Seattle.
-- Dan Gomez, Seattle

SG: I have to say, that made me feel a little better. Maybe the good
people of Seattle should form an organization called "It Could Be
Worse," in which they send e-mails to suddenly traumatized sports fans
from other cities to talk them off the ledge.

He's got it precisely backwards. We should be the ones getting the condolences: "I'm a Patriots fan, but man, it really sucks to be you."

Doing what's right

2008-09-06T15:49:00.001-07:00

Too often in sports, we dwell on the shortcomings of referees. But I'd like to take a moment to remind fans that a ref has an extremely difficult job. We drop them in a thick tangle of limbs -- limbs that collide, pull and grab -- and ask them to correctly identify a single violation in a fraction of a second. And we ask them to do this in a hostile arena in front of a loud, angry and boorish throng of shirtless assholes.

So it's especially nice when you have a chance to congratulate a ref for doing what's right. With a little over three minutes to go in Saturday's game against BYU (AP ranked 15), Washington lined up on their own 25 and eyeballed a confident defense and a 7 point deficit. Jake Locker (203 yards passing, 67 yards rushing and 4 total TDs) and a fleet of freshman receivers put together a dramatic 14 play drive to bring them to BYU's 3. First and goal: fade route right, perfect pass but better coverage. Second and goal: fade route left to the tight end - bad pass. On third down, Washington spread its offense and ran a QB draw. Locker stumbled laterally about 10 yards, broke two tackles and stretched into the endzone. BYU 28- Washington 27.

This is when things got out of hand.

Locker jumped up, tossed the ball behind his back and jumped into the arms of the nearest husky. He continued in this tasteless manner for nearly 5 full seconds. A proud BYU defense was helpless - they were forced to watch this gratuitous display of joy.

I, as a sports fan, was disgusted.

Thankfully, someone stepped up. The ref called unsportsmanlike conduct for excessive celebration and pushed the huskies extra point attempt back 15 yards. BYU blocked the extra point, Washington fell to 0-2 and the integrity of college football was preserved. We can't allow this unabashed camaraderie to go unchecked, and I'd like to take this moment to thank the ref for standing up and doing what's right.

How to Stop LeBron

2008-09-05T11:55:00.000-07:00

Nothing to do with Seattle, but the basketball fan portion of my brain is somehow still in tact. Not sure how that wasn't lost in the settlement as well... maybe that's what we got for the basketball inflating machine?

Anyway, those who managed to catch the Redeem Team's impressive run at this year's Olympics (and weren't stymied by the USA network's unfathomably daft decision to air fucking ping-pong over Greece v. USA), had to be impressed by BronBron. In 24 minutes a game, he averaged 15.5 points, 5 boards, almost 4 assists, 2.3 steals and 1 block. He shot 60% from the field, including 46% from 3 (46.4% to be precise, which is 2 tenths higher than Kobe's field goal percentage... but I digress).

Without exaggeration, he was unguardable. As true hoop put it, Argentina switched to zone in the gold medal game to goad Kobe into chucking threes and avoid "LeBron James and his freight train of destruction at the rim." This slowed LeBron down, but didn't stop him.

So how do you stop him? Well, apparently with a few variations on the old Larry Bird behind the backboard shot and a granny shot.

David Kalb, famed nobody, beats LeBron James at HORSE. Twice. From the LATimes website:

Are you ready for some football?

2008-09-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

The NFL kicks off tonight. Here's a little gift for fantasy football fans.

Can You Hear It From Here?

2008-09-03T23:35:00.000-07:00

In this time of underwhelming Seattle sports teams, anything will make one irritable. That goes even for the unveiling of open secrets: the former SuperSonics are now officially the former SuperSonics. Folks, a big hand for YOUR Oklahoma City Thunder. Many people knew this name for weeks, and team merchandise showed up online just before the public announcement. Owner Clay Bennett summoned the gall to lament this at the press conference: "I was disappointed in the image being released." Oh, so the NBA didn't make a good-faith effort to keep your team's surprise name under wraps? Mr. Bennett, I hope this is the first of many disappointments for you.

Of course this was little more than a formality, but its symbolic weight is heavy. TrueHoop puts it nicely. This is just one more milepost as the Sonics shrink in the NBA's rear-view mirror. Another one was Howard Schultz dropping his half-court heave of a lawsuit. Yet another will be the first game the Thunder take (takes?) the floor.

An ESPN SportsNation poll notes, "This is a very bold choice by Oklahoma City, becoming only the fourth NBA franchise to choose a non-plural team name." How many Oklahomans do you think know their team's name is a collective noun? Yes, I nitpick, even as I realize its uselessness. If we keep carping, we risk looking like the ex-boyfriend who says he's better off without the girl, as he does slow drive-bys around her house. But seriously, who cares?

Therefore we're left with undignified attempts at salvaging dignity wherever we can find it. So here goes: the aforementioned SportsNation poll finds that 46.1% of voters hate the new nickname, while only 12.2% love it. (That'll learn 'em.) It also found that most respondents' favorite number is purple. However, that information is embargoed until tomorrow. But don't worry, David Stern will steal its thunder and release the results prematurely online.

Putting a ribbon on a turd...

2008-09-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

I doubt this is even worth mentioning, but the Mariners have won 8 of the last 10 and four in a row. They've done this with their best relief pitcher learning to be a starter and with a line-up comprised mostly of guys who started the year with the Tacoma Rainiers. So how is this happening?

Ryan Rowland-Smith can pitch. Over his last three starts, 20.1 innings, 4 earned runs, 13Ks, 6 BBs. He's also managed to go past six innings in each outing. (Take note, Erik Bedard)

Adrian Beltre is playing like he's up for a new contract. Someone must have told him that he signed a 4-year deal in 2004 instead of a 5-year deal to explain his production of late. He hit for a cycle on Monday and over the last 6 games, he's hitting .538, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs and OPS of 1.595. We haven't seen production like that from Adrian since his contract year numbers of .334, 48 HRs, 121 RBIs in 2004. I may take Beltre number 1 in my fantasy baseball draft next year.

UW's Good, Bad and Ugly, or, How Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

2008-08-31T13:44:00.000-07:00

Wow, that sucked. Washington's first game of the rest of Ty Willingham's coaching life and they produce this? We know that Oregon is a top-25 team and this was the only conference matchup of any BCS schools on a day when most teams gorged on cupcakes. And it helped make for a really ugly day of football in Seattle, as WSU got thumped 39-13 by Oklahoma State at Qwest Field. But 44-10? Really? UW face-planted with a much louder thud than anyone expected, and it could set the tone for things to get really ugly around Montlake. But a measure of patience is urged.

For all the talk of how this team would be different, the Huskies did just about everything the same from their hapless 4-9 campaign of last year. The offensive line didn't or couldn't block, and UW averaged a paltry 2.2 yards on 43 rushes. To call the O-line sieve-like is to disrespect sieves everywhere. The lack of protection forced Jack Locker to run for his life like Fran Tarkenton in an old NFL Films reel. For Locker to become Tim Tebow West, he needs to stay upright. But if the protection against Oregon is any indication, he will spend way too much time in the scrum this year. Also, Locker's accuracy continues to be an issue; he completed only 12 of 28 passes. However, he's not the problem here, but he will figure prominently in the solution, if there is one.

The defense came out in a snazzy new 3-3-5 alignment, but often opted not to tackle. One of the results (or three): it gave up three touchdowns of 25 yards or more. And this wasn't against the juggernaut offense of Dennis Dixon and Johnathan Stewart. Injuries forced the Ducks to resort to their third- and fourth-string quarterbacks in the second half. You might recall that was the half in which Oregon pulled away, outscoring UW 30-0. If ever there was a time to catch Oregon in a bit of lull, this was it. Consider the opportunity squandered.

But acknowledge one glaring fact: UW is a young team. 24 true or redshirt freshmen traveled to Eugene. They represent a potentially bright future, coming from two heralded recruiting classes. But they have to grow up fast. BYU and Oklahoma come calling the next two games and these Husky pups are playing for their coach's neck. The specter of 0-3 is staring them in the face and the calls for Willingham's dismissal will grow louder.

It's kind of funny to think that if Coach Ty had just scheduled, let's say, Idaho and Louisiana Tech as non-conference foes the next two weeks, he'd be fine. Dust yourself off after the Oregon debacle, crush a couple of tomato cans, and you're 2-1 going into the meat of conference play. Supporters just want wins, and it doesn't matter who they're against. At the end of the season, fans will call "early-season victories against inferior opponents" by a shorter name: wins. At any rate, give Willingham integrity points for scheduling tough non-Pac-10 teams. Unfortunately, UW fans probably won't hear that argument over the din of calls for his head. Washington should feel lucky to have Willingham as its coach, and doubly fortunate that Rick Neuheisel's baggage and chest-thumping are someone else's problems. But if things don't change soon, boosters will run him out of town. Then -- a la Charlie Weis' 19-6 record in his first two years at Notre Dame after Willingham's ouster there -- another coach will swoop in and get the credit for leading Ty's talented recruits to brighter times. And then fans will know that they were right, right?

Flush With Bowl Ideas

2008-08-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

Sure, remember the Alamo, but also don't forget your Capital One card, because that International flight for your Holiday in the Music City or Las Vegas will mean Independence from your money as you feast on Chick fil-A and Papa Johns pizza. I won't incorporate every one of the 34 NCAA bowl games into this entry, but everyone knows college football's postseason is larded with meaningless contests. Already, more than half the Division I schools (or whatever they're referred to now) get affirmation for craptastically mediocre seasons. New this year to fat guys with no lives: the St. Petersburg Bowl and the Congressional Bowl, which doesn't appear to have a website yet. So who says we need a 35th bowl game? (Slowly raising my hand) Me.

There's now talk of Seattle hosting a bowl game at Qwest Field. The hope is it would be a tie-in with the Pac-10, allowing a record 12th team from the conference to make the postseason. Hey, the Huskies need all the help they can get. And let's not forget that Seattle is tradition-rich in this arena. Who can forget that the Seattle Bowl ruled this town for two years earlier this century: in 2001, Georgia Tech bested Stanford, sending Ty Willingham skulking off to South Bend on a losing note. In '02, a stacked Wake Forest club routed Oregon. The following day, UW made its last bowl game to date, losing to Purdue in the Sun Bowl. It's unacceptable that we've been Bowl-less in Seattle for nearly six years.

Seattle needs some athletic civic pride these days following the loss of the Sonics. If backwaters like Mobile, Shreveport and Atlanta can host games, why not Seattle? But first, we're going to need some corporate sponsors. You know, the way the Independence Bowl (in Shreveport, of course) landed a title sponsor in the early '90s to create the best bowl name ever: the Poulan/Weed Eater Independence Bowl.

Luckily, I've been thinking about this and have some ideas for local tie-ins. Wallingford will be a sexy debutante on the college football scene when we introduce The High-Maintenance Bitch Seattle Bowl. Or perhaps one of the region's many microbrews would want to get in the fray to promote its product among college students. The Seattle Bowl Brought To You By The Flying Pig Brewery rolls off the tongue. Cross-promotional jokes about how the Huskies won't make this bowl until porcine creatures take to the skies are also acceptable here. Of course, Seattle is the Emerald City, so why not work that into the title? Oh sorry, that's already been taken.

Interim Messiah

2008-08-12T16:45:00.000-07:00

Brett Favre spent the past month turning himself from national treasure into knackered turd. Among the less noted consequences of his tantrum: the game of musical chairs to decide who gets to occupy Brett’s old throne as Classiest Class Act in the great variety show of classy white guys. And the winner is Seattle’s own Mike Holmgren, the most graceful retiree-in-waiting since Jerome Bettis.

Here’s how the story goes: Holmgren took a week off after last season to think carefully about his future. As a good family man, he let his wife think some about it too. And he told the team that he and Kathy had decided he was going to coach one more year (which happens to be the last year of the contract that makes him the highest paid coach in the NFL, at $8 million per season). Then he’d move along.

He didn’t make threats. He didn’t make the team wait. And he’s giving them enough time to manage an easy transition to the Jim Mora regime. As if all that wasn’t enough class, Holmgren made a point of saying he didn’t want his final campaign to be a “farewell tour.” What a guy! He agreed to go ahead and coach out his lucrative contract, and then he not only didn’t ask for but specifically rejected the idea (that nobody suggested) of a farewell tour!

Even before Brett shat the bed, Holmgren was drowning in praise (though surely he’s too classy a guy to have enjoyed the mass fellatio). Seahawks president Tim Ruskell said Holmgren’s classy decision would allow the team “to be non-chaotic in the sports world, which is kind of rare. We all know about the elongated processes and the back-stabbings—some of the things, the ugly things, that can go on. Well, we’re not going to have that and he doesn’t want that.” Mad props, Mike, for not wanting to stab anybody in the back!

Mora, by the way, has fit right in. When he got the news that he was the guy, he was “subdued” and seemed more interested in “making this a special season for Holmgren,” not that it’s a farewell tour or anything.

Here is the problem: Even if you’re inclined to agree that Holmgren is a good Christian who handles all his business with grace and aplomb, the year the Seahawks are about to spend in purgatory is not good for the team.

The future belongs to Mora. And the future could be now. But it won’t be, because Holmgren, the past, is still now. Even though Mora and Holmgren are simpatico, Mora's not going to be a Holmgren copycat who happens to look less like Andy Reid. He’s going to point the team in new directions. He’s already been a head coach. It’s not as if Holmgren has to blow his nose for him. He has ideas. But they don’t count until next season. THEN they count.

In the meantime, the Seahawks spent another year drafting Holmgren’s players. They’ll spend another year learning Holmgren’s schemes. And they’ll spend another year building relationships with Holmgren’s coaches.

Perhaps the team is operating under the illusion that this will be another Super Bowl year. If it is, I’ll get a Brett Favre sleeve-tattoo up and down my golden left arm. Since the Super Bowl isn’t happening, this year will actually be a wasted year, a year stuck in neutral, a year of wasting guys’ talent instead of using it to build Jim Mora’s team, a team with real title hopes.

Can I Get a Turtleneck?

2008-08-10T00:34:00.001-07:00

This is rich. The Mariners kabuki theater gets even stranger. One of the biggest busts on the club calls out his teammates to the media for not trying hard enough. If you haven't heard, Carlos Silva blew a gasket after the M's dropped a 5-3 decision to the Rays Friday night. Said the portly righty:

Maybe half of the team wants to do the best they can. Take the starting rotation...every time we cross that line, we want to do our best. No matter how many games we are behind. But maybe half of the team doesn't have that mentality. They are only thinking of finishing strong. And to put up their numbers. That's great, but that affects us. As a team, that doesn't work out.

Hey Carlos, maybe it's not so bad to think about numbers. This isn't basketball, where a ballhog hoisting 30 shots will force his four other teammates to just stand around. But hits are hits, and the rising tide of more hits raises all boats. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt Silva to think about his own numbers. Tagged with the loss, Silva ran his record to 4-13 with a 5.93 ERA. Then again, what's his motivation, given that he's less than a quarter of the way through a bloated $48 million guaranteed contract the Mariners lavished on him in the offseason.

Then Silva went medieval on us. Reprising Rickey Henderson, he referred to himself and his nickname in the third person: "Maybe Chief has to go and grab somebody from his neck and throw him into the wall and something's going to change. I've very close to doing that, so write that down." Yes, I am.

Look, it's great to be fiery and all that. But what kind of locker-room cred does Carlos Freaking Silva have? His record, ERA, contract and screed to the media can only make him a pariah in the clubhouse. Apparently, this kind of public outspokenness got him in trouble in Minnesota. During this outburst, Felix Hernandez and Jarrod Washburn were standing nearby and didn't make a peep. Chief, maybe you should let your pitching do the talking before verbally mouthing off and grabbing people from the neck.

It's Never Too Late

2008-08-06T12:53:00.000-07:00

Can I get an altogether now, "It's about time!" Finally, the Mariners' Cutting-Our-Losses Department is getting some sac. The latest evidence comes from the release of designated "hitter" Jose Vidro. A few of his teammates feigned dismay because he had picked it up since the All-Star break. But Vidro was still the league-worst stick at his position, compiling a .234 average, with 7 homers and 45 RBI. He was designated for assignment, which means the team has 10 days to trade or release him. It would be great if the M's could get something in return, but either way, this is addition by subtraction. Wladimir Balentien has been hitting the cover off the ball in Tacoma, and will take Vidro's place. The M's collective weight is now a little less dead.

The Mariners also sent Brandon Morrow down to Tacoma to start becoming a starter. This is a smart move too. Number one draft picks aren't groomed to be middle relievers, and with JJ Putz getting healthier, the closer role isn't his for the taking. The hope is that Morrow's anticipated transformation will help fans forget about the M's snub of local boy Tim Lincecum. So far so good: in his first start for the Rainiers, Morrow threw one and two-thirds scoreless innings before reaching his pitch count of 35.

Meanwhile, is Raul Ibanez fixin' for a post-trading-deadline deal? It looks as such, with his team-record 14 RBI in his last three games. Maybe it's not too late to deal him and/or Jarrod Washburn.

The Mariners' starting lineup Tuesday night featured 4 players who started the season at AAA. The 8-7 win over the Twins notwithstanding, the M's results will probably get uglier before they get prettier, but turning the roster over like this is the right thing to do. And it's never too late to do the right thing. Miguel Cairo, I'm looking in your direction.

Trading Dudline

2008-07-31T15:01:00.000-07:00

So the trading deadline has come and gone and the Mariners underwhelmed again. If we go by The Dice Game's scorecard, the M's batted .333 -- good batting average, crummy trading average. Maybe it was pride overcoming former travel manager Lee Pelekoudas, but from here it looks like inexperience.

First, the good. The Mariners did deal octogenarian reliever Arthur Rhodes to the Marlins for Gaby Hernandez, a 22-year-old pitcher described as a mid-level prospect. That the Mariners landed a former third-round draft pick for a guy with no future is admirable. Rhodes will be the answer to a trivia question for having gotten ejected from his final game as a Mariner. Way to go out fighting.

Now, the bad. The M's failed to trade Raul Ibanez, even though talks with several clubs apparently heated up before the deadline, specifically with the Blue Jays, as reported by Geoff Baker at the Times. According to Toronto GM JP Ricciardi, the M's shot down the deal, even though Jayson Stark had Ibanez going to Toronto for two major leaguers. Said Ricciardi: ""We were ready to go forward. I think at the end of the day they just didn't feel as comfortable going forward to finish off the trade."

If the Mariners were offered anything close to two major leaguers, how could they turn that down? As an aging but still-productive slugger at a reasonable price, Ibanez virtually defines the kind of player who gets dealt at the deadline. It's unacceptable that nothing got done here. Bring out The Gimp -- even if he is sleeping -- because he probably plays better leftfield than Ibanez.

The M's also didn't unload Jarrod Washburn. His recent good outings had elevated him to desirable deadline prospect, and the Yankees wouldn't bat an eyelash at his salary. His trade value won't get any higher, but his paycheck does next year.

Other pieces of flotsam like Carlos Silva, Miguel Cairo and Jose Vidro didn't budge either. You're getting virtually nothing from these guys right now, so it doesn't much matter if you get virtually nothing in return for them. At least you get their bloated salaries off the books. See: Sexson, Richie.

Of course a lot of things had to happen for the Mariners' hopes to fall into place. The Dodgers' late swoop-in to claim Manny Ramirez altered several teams' plans. But that's the thing: this is a fluid situation and the aggressive teams win out.

Sure the Mariners have made some epic blunders at the deadline before. The 1997 debacle that landed Heathcliff Slocumb for Derek Lowe and Jason Varitek comes to mind. But some of the M's worst moves came when they were buyers, not sellers. Famously, the 1987 Braves (sellers) made a deadline deal with the Tigers (buyers), giving up Doyle Alexander for future Hall-of-Famer John Smoltz. We're not expecting heists like that, but you have to do something.

In a sense, the Mariners did make one notable trade. They swapped Bill Bavasi's ineptitude for Lee Pelekoudas' inexperience. The results look pretty much the same.

That's pride f***in' with you

2008-07-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

Many SGB readers may know that this is Marcellus Wallace's line in "Pulp Fiction" when he pays off Butch (Bruce Willis' boxer character) to take a dive in the 5th round. I couldn't get this line out of my head as I thought about the pending trade deadline and the quandary our 39-65 Seattle Mariners find themselves in.

Acting GM Lee Pelekoudas needs to take heed of Marcellus' wisdom as he weighs trade offers. Yuniesky first brought up the subject in May, but let's be clear once again. Lee, get what you can and don't let pride f*** with you. This team is no good and don't let whatever small role you had in putting this team together affect the expediency with which you dispatch them to the far corners of pennant contending universe.

Here's the latest rumors:

* Jarrod Washburn to the Yankees - This sounds like a salary dump. The Mariners want some mid-level prospect for Washburn, who has been pitching very well as of late. The Yankees seem to be balking at this. If the Yankees are willing to take on Washburn's salary (about $10 million) for next season, I'd deal him for a bag of bagels or a decent slice. Don't play your hand too hard, Lee.

* Arthur Rhodes to just about everyone - The fact that people are interested in Arthur Rhodes is just another example of how baseball teams are always looking for lefty relief pitchers. Yes, he is having a decent year and has been very good recently, but he is 38, was on the shelf all of 2007 and had a 5-plus ERA in 2006 with the Phillies. So, I'd be happy with anything here including a shishkaberry for Yuniesky. (The SGB one not the Mariners' one. Although that chubby Cuban looks like he's had a stick or two (dozen) in his life.)

* Raul Ibanez to the New York Mets - This one is a little more difficult. Ibanez is the only bat to worry about in our punchless line-up. Also, he is a bargain -- one of the few in the Mariners line-up -- at $5.5 million a year. But hey, that's why people want him. You don't hear a lot of offers for Willie Bloomquist, do you? The Mets seem to be saying that the Mariners are asking too much. I assume this is standard negotiating policy, but the Mariners have to deal him. Try to get more than 5 cents on the dollar, but if you can get a few mid- to upper-level prospects for him, then do it.

If anyone else hears any decent rumors, we'd love to hear them. As a departing shot, I turn once again to the words of Marcellus Wallace.

"F*** pride! Pride only hurts, it never helps."

Wind?! Blows.

2008-07-25T21:25:00.000-07:00

Why have one name when six will do? Apparently, the Thunder isn't the only option being considered for the former Sonics. What I love most about this short, otherwise straightforward article is this: "Marshal is usually spelled with one l. It's not clear why the league used a variant spelling." Perhaps Clay Bennett wants to honor this late manther and fellow oil baron. I'll leave the snark heavy lifting to TrueHoop.

How Many Ways Dost Thou Suckest?

2008-07-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

Now that Seattle is a two-sport town, the Mariners are doing a great job of stinking up almost the entire sports section. It wasn't just their putrid present that sullied the front page, but also their organizational ineptitude on the back page that caught my eye this morning. The Seattle Times periodically lists the standings of the Mariners' minor-league teams, and what an eyefeast it is.

Showing that the nut doesn't fall far from the tree, all of the Mariners' minor league teams have losing records:

Tacoma Rainiers (AAA) 50-52
West Tennessee (AA) 11-19
Wisconsin (A) 7-23 (?!)
High Desert (A) 12-19
Everett (A) 15-19

If you're scoring at home, that's a combined 95-132 record. Throw in the parent club's tab and it's 133-193. It's hard to be 60 games below .500 in anything, but the Mariners are doing just fine, thank you very much.

On the other hand, one of the must put-upon franchises of all time, the Chicago Cubs, currently have winners at all levels of their system. Never mind the Cubs themselves have the best record in the NL.

Since I had some time on my hands, I decided to compare the Mariners' organizational "prowess" with their opponents in the AL West. It's not pretty.

Angels organization:

LA Angels of Orange County, CA, USA 60-39
Salt Lake (AAA) 60-42
Arkansas (AA) 9-22 (But won their division's first-half title)
Rancho Cucamonga (A) 17-13
Cedar Rapids (A) 15-15
Orem (Rookie) 22-11

Angels' organization record: 183-142

Texas Rangers' organization:

Texas 52-48
Oklahoma (AAA) 58-45
Frisco (AA) 19-12 (Also won divisional first-half title)
Bakersfield (A) 13-18
Clinton (A) 14-17 (Won first-half title)
Spokane (A) 26-8

Rangers' organizational record: 182-148

Oakland A's organization:

Oakland 51-48
Sacramento (AAA) 60-42
Midland (AA) 15-16
Stockton (A) 13-17
Kane County (A) 11-19
Vancouver (A) 14-20

A's organizational record: 164-162

If you're still reading, congratulations. You're probably like me and feel better knowing that the Mariners are really 50.5 games behind the Angels, rather than the 22 games the standings would have you believe. It's in these numbers that the putrid legacy of Bill Bavasi really shows itself. This is a deep hole that takes time to dig and time to get out of. And it assures us that while the Mariners' present is a blot on the sports pages, the future looks bleak too.

Will my M's headband get me a free hotdog?

2008-07-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this is weird. With rumors flying that the former Sonics will soon be known as the Oklahoma City Thunder, the entrepreneurial minds behind the New York Yankees' AA affiliate have offered any person wearing Sonics paraphernalia a free ticket to a Trenton Thunder game. As Trenton General Manager Brad Taylor said in the press release, “We just want to help ease the pain for Sonics fans worldwide.”

I doubt any self-respecting Sonics fan will stoop so low as to trade on his or her fanhood for a free ticket to a minor league baseball game. I mean, sure we lost the team we've followed for 41 years, but hey, at least we get to watch the team atop the Eastern League take on the Altoona Curve for free! Dag, that's like, ten bucks! Sweet! Who's complaining!? We're making out like bandits!

Anything Else We Can Give You?

2008-07-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

So eschewing our suggestions to name them the Team Rustlers, the Hayseeds, or the Dissemblers, the owners of the former Sonics are apparently going to name the team the Thunder. Wow, how original. I guess the Storm was already taken. And Iowa State already has this intimidating name and logo. Maybe 290-pound bust Ron Dayne can throw up the first jump ball (Tiki Barber's presence is optional). I guess in Oklahoma, you have to give a nod to the weather without reminding people too much of this or this. Oklahomans know their tornado outbreaks like The Dice Game knows high school ballers. Either way, I'm glad I won't be the guy cutting into "American Idol" to tell Kevin Durant to duck into his basement because a twister is bearing down on his mansion.

I'm sorry, why am I rambling on about this anyway? It must be that ghost limb thing. Stop me before I try to cut it off again.

Headlines That Appeal to the 14-Year-Old Boy in Me

2008-07-21T11:28:00.000-07:00

ATP suspends doubles titlists Cermak, Mertinak for betting

I just can't read the word "titlists" quite right.

Safeco's Retractable Lineup

2008-07-19T12:47:00.001-07:00

The first day of the rest of the Mariners' sorry lives commenced on Friday, as their future increasingly came into focus -- or not. First, the not: the M's lineup was still littered with names like Cairo and Johjima who shouldn't be taking up precious field space. Meanwhile, the star of the show was a guy who probably won't be occupying the M's lineup much longer.

If you saw Raul Ibanez voguing as he rounded the bases during his second-inning grand slam against the Indians, it would be no surprise. His is the M's name most often bandied about as bait before the trading deadline. Published reports say the Diamondbacks and Mets have been kicking the tires of the 36-year-old slugger and clubhouse dean. Said manager Jim Riggleman about Ibanez's preparation: "He does so much. He's in great physical shape, and he spends a great deal of time in the batting cage every day. He's relentless in there."

On the other hand, one of the Mariners' other tradeable assets could be sidelined longer than expected. Reports say unenthusiastic "ace" Erik Bedard might not pitch before August. That would give him exactly zero more starts for the Mariners to put lipstick on this pig before the deadline. So Bedard's already-diminished trade value takes another hit.

Therefore, here's the Mariners' short-term future in a nutshell: they must trade the productive hitter and good clubhouse citizen, while keeping (or getting limited value for) the underachieving locker room schlub. As Dave Niehaus might say: "Mariners Baseball: My Oh My."

Mariners = Bold

2008-07-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

Today, Lee Pelekoudas told the PI his secret recipe for salvaging the franchise. Hold on to your hat, because this is some incisive baseball talk.

"Our goal here is obviously to get better. A good way to put it is to change the way we play the game." Actually, Lee, that's a pretty shitty way to put it. What the hell are you talking about?

"We have to execute the game much better than we have." Sound.

Now we get into some specifics: "We may get younger, and you generally don't get younger through free agency." Cool. So we're rebuilding. We'll trade some older guys, give what younger guys we have a chance to play, and focus on the draft. Maybe invest in scouting operations in Latin America. Except...

"Now to say that we're going to go all young and start completely tearing things up would be inaccurate. We have young players here. And if we surround them with the right players, I don't think we have to start all over again."

So there you have it. Change the way they play. Execute better. Surround the the spectacular core of Lopez and Betancourt with role players like Cairo. Who needs to start over with a plan that rigorous?

Seattle's Diversions

2008-07-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

For now, let's set aside the question of whether climbing is a sport. It doesn't require balls per se, at least not the kind you can readily throw and catch. But after summiting Mt. Rainier this past weekend, I can say it probably does require some loose screws. However, when you can see forever from the Northwest's highest peak, you tend to see some other things too.

When I moved to Seattle almost four years ago, I was floored by the area's natural beauty. This place is lousy with mountains, water, trees and ferries. And oh by the way, they plopped a kickass city down in the middle of it. If you don't want to go to nature, it will come to you.

I wondered if people who grew up here became inured to the beauty. Did the scenery become wallpaper after awhile? It seemed impossible, given that about eight months of the year, Rainier and the Olympics might only show up once every other week. You can't take for granted what you don't really have. Then another question: how many other cities have settings where residents could even remotely have this internal debate?

On the other hand, Seattle's sports tableau has seen better days. Its sports fandom is tugging its collective forelock after losing the Sonics to Oklahoma. And the Mariners' swoon is drawing fannies to the seats in inverse droves.

But let's face it: what makes Seattle peopled by fair-weather fans is what makes it a great place to live. It's those opposite qualities that make places like Buffalo brim with rabid fans. Seattle has Mt. Rainier (and its eponymous beer); Green Bay has Brett Favre. Shit, I saw seven volcanoes this weekend; In Oklahoma City, you can't even see three. I can't say how many times I've watched the final seconds tick away as one of my teams was getting crushed on the road and thought, "Yeah, but now those fans have to go back to their lives in (insert lame, non-Seattle city here)."

Of course it hurts to lose the Sonics to Oklahoma City and the national media generally ignore this upper-left outpost. Seattle may be down to two major professional sports teams, but we know the real score. Seattle versus Oklahoma City or almost anywhere else just isn't a fair fight. If you don't believe me, look out the window.

Got Crabs?

2008-07-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

If the answer to the question is more than five, then you're going to jail.

Stanklin and Yuniesky Airmails It went crabbing and fishing yesterday. (The crabs were too small, and we didn't know what to do with the googly-eyed flounder, but that's beside the point.) We are now both dyed-in-the-wool conservative Republicans, because we had to run the guantlet of the crabbing and fishing licensing process. We want government out of our goddamn lives. We're just plain old outdoors folk; we're not government bureaucrats living on the taxpayers' collective teet.

We had to go to a sporting goods store, give our drivers licenses and social security numbers to a snot-nosed kid, and pay $10 each. In return, we received four pieces of paper that are roughly four feet long when laid end to end. Among the things we were supposed to record on these four pieces of paper:

1. For salmon, the species (CHIN, COHO, CHUM, PINK, SOCK, CHINJACK, COHOJACK) and whether the fish was hatchery or wild, which only takes a quick calculation about the nature of the "adipose or ventral fin."

2. For halibut, but not steelhead or salmon or sturgeon, whether the boat was a charter or private.

3. For sturgeon, but not steelhead or salmon or halibut, the length of the fish.

The rules for Dungeness crabs were pretty easy--just a check for each crab and a note of the date and the "marine area"--but these notes had to be made with a ballpoint pen only ("do not use a felt tipped pen") and "immediately upon retaining" the crab ("failure to do so is a violation of WAC 220-56-175").

By the way, we are required to return our cards to WDFW "even if" we "did not fish or catch anything."

SGB loves the environment as much as the next underground group of Seattleites using nomes de plume. We do not tolerate over-fishing. We do not abide by the murder of baby crabs. We understand the need to pay money so the authorities can protect these marine resources for future generations.

But the licensing process is disgraceful. Funding the bureaucracy costs more than the fees raise. I'll bet a pair of Dice Game's sneakers on it. And this is to say nothing of the opportunity cost of the ordeal. Moreover, it imposes barriers that have nothing to do with protecting the environment or wildlife. If the point is conservation, then the system should be geared toward conservation, not general confusion and despair. For example, why not sell licenses at boat launches, instead of at Northgate Mall? That is a pointless disincentive.

We want a rational system in place, or we're voting for Dino Rossi and John McCain. All of us.

How to get what you want

2008-07-11T10:52:00.000-07:00

(These words are not actually written by Clayton I. Bennett. Hell, for all we know, maybe the guy can't read or write or do anything beyond break the heart of a geographic region. But this is a sarcastic rendition of the devilish thought process that bounced through that noticeably rectangular cranium perched atop that robotic frame.)

How to get what you want: One man's guide to imposing his chicken-fried will on Seattle, Washington

By Clayton I. Bennett

The meek shall inherit the earth.

That’s what the preacher said a few weeks ago in church and I damn near pissed myself trying not to laugh. Sure, the meek may get the earth I thought to myself, but they sure as hell aren’t going to make off with a professional basketball team from one of the country’s largest cities like I did.

No sirree. A feat like that requires a cast-iron constitution and total and complete disregard for the integrity of an entire region.

And I’ve got some bills to pay now with that $45 million added up on top of all the other dough I’ve already forked over so I thought that while I’m waiting for the moving trucks to show up, I’d put together my guide of getting what you want. Sort of a memoirs-type thing about how I popped up in Seattle one day in 2006 and two years later made off with the oldest professional sports team from one of the largest darn cities in this fine country.

It wasn’t always admirable and it dang sure wasn’t easy, but I was pretty downright effective so maybe you can learn a thing or two from this Okie when it comes to getting what you want.

I. Pucker up and grab a cheek

Yes, I know, kissing some ass is a little unseemly. A grown man shouldn’t really resort to flattery unless he’s talking to a woman he‘s sleeping with. But that’s just pride talking and you can have pride and you can have a pro basketball team, but you can’t always have both and I‘ve found a well-placed smooch is worth millions in political capital.

Just look at what happened after Aubrey McSwiftBoat went and told that Oklahoma City business journal we never bought the team to keep it here. Well sir, that put a fresh cowpie dead center on the supper table. I mean, hell, we’ve been telling folks how honest and earnest and well-meaning we are about staying in Seattle. We’ve even signed an agreement to that effect, and when David Stern found out ol’ Aubrey went and spilled the beans, he was mad there might have been steam coming out his ears like in one of them cartoons my kids like so much. I mean, Sternie was all-caps mad when he sent me an e-mail, but then I got to work on him with the ol’ Bennett boot-polishing charm. I sent him a note telling him how much I admired him as an executive, bemoaning our lack of physical time together and called him just one of my most favorite people in the world. It was the kind of note you’d blush if your grade-school teacher read it aloud. It was also effective because go look and see if you can find one time the little guy wasn’t on our side when it came time to trade gut punches with Seattle‘s local government.

People who say imitation is the best form of flattery have never run into my form of flattery, which has proven capable of shining the very stinkiest of turds.

II. Lie

Mom won’t be happy about this one. Heck, I wouldn’t tell my kids to do it. And I try not to lie except when it helps me, but sometimes you gotta’ take that truth and bend it as if it were a 12-year-old gymnast . When I bought the team I told everyone that my first goal was to keep a team in Seattle. That’s what I really wanted. I didn’t even bring up the possibility of moving to OKC until some pesky damn reporters started asking about it.

Did I want a team in Seattle? No. I wanted to sell the team if it stayed in Seattle, but that was going to make me look like some manipulative speculator who either wanted a team to take to Oklahoma or one with a brand-spanking new arena that would fetch top dollar. That would have sounded too crass so I was better off lying and saying I’d be happy to have a team here.

III. Use big words

Hey, I didn’t go to the Casady School in Oklahoma just so I could avoid those bullies who said my head was made of Lego bricks. I learned me some fancy 25-cent words. Everyone said I wanted a new building. Nope. I wanted a “successor venue.” Some people say concession stands, I talk about “revenue extraction.” Those big words don’t really add anything to the conversation except to make me sound like someone who just maybe knows what he’s talking about.

IV. Play the victim

Now this one was tough considering that from the day I popped up here in Seattle, everyone figured I just wanted to skidaddle out of town with the damn basketball team. And that was before I asked the state to build me the most expensive damned basketball arena in the world. I wanted it to be capable of hosting an NHL team, arena football and all sorts of other stuff that was as useless as tits on an armadillo. Not only that, but I wanted them to build the damned thing in Renton and I wouldn’t whisper a single word about how much I was going to chip in.

Now, the cynical bastards might say I wanted that plan to fail, but when the legislature turned my deal down without so much as a how’s-your-father I pretended I was all down and out. Hell, I acted so crestfallen you’d have thought someone hokked a loogie in my peach cobbler. But that’s just part of the role you’ve got to play. Nobody likes a strong-armed out-of-towner. You’re better off just insisting that you’re the dork in the class nobody will give a chance to.

V. Never underestimate the accent

This one goes hand in hand with playing the victim and lying. I’ve found fibs are more readily swallowed if they’re served up with a twang. It’s like scooping sugar into tea. Now remember that I went to that white-collar wimp factory of a school that taught me all those big words. Not only that, but I went and married to one of the most powerful families in the state. We own the big newspaper in town. Hell, we used to own the Grand Ole Opry, but if I go and speak some Okie, people don’t seem to recognize me as the square-headed rich jerk that I really am.

VI. Lie some more

Now, you might remember when the city of Seattle flayed our little ruse out in the open when it found all those emails talking about OKC and “a man possessed” and “the sweet flip.” We had to come clean then, right? Hell no. That’s when you come back over the top, dig in your heels and double down.

Confessions are for idiot criminals in police interrogations and Vegan commie wusses. I just widened my eyes as if I was a big ol’ Jack-O-Lantern and insisted that golly-gee-no, everyone got it all wrong.

You find any little gray area -- no matter if it’s a charcoal gray -- and insist they got it all wrong. I was a man possessed about staying in Seattle, I said, even though common sense and a basic understanding of the English language indicated otherwise.

And guess what? I got just what I wanted. Hell, I can even make copies of their championship trophy and banners if I want and I went and called those “assets” when I talked about them as if it was some stock I just added to my portfolio.

Well, sorry, but the moving trucks are here so I better go tell them where to pack up those 41 years worth of history. I don’t plan on coming back to Seattle. I’m not too well regarded in these parts, and I understand that. But hey, I didn’t want admiration or appreciation. I wanted me a basketball team.

That didn't take long....

2008-07-10T15:52:00.000-07:00

Talk about moving on. This press release from the city of Seattle ended up in SGB's mailbox. This is like putting up a match.com profile a week after filing divorce papers.

SEATTLE - With the immediate departure of the Seattle SuperSonics from KeyArena at Seattle Center, this premier concert and spectator events venue now boasts some of the best date availability nationally among metropolitan areas.
With over 15,000 seats, high tech audio and video capacity, first-class event management and client services, ample parking, and outstanding amenities, KeyArena offers an unsurpassed event experience.
Concert and event promoters will enjoy the choice of newly available dates, including highly desirable weekends, for multi-day events, touring shows, tour rehearsals, ice shows and family shows. They will find new special rates for family shows and access to an outstanding demographic range of young, affluent, boomer and family-oriented event goers. Corporate meeting planners also will find booking flexibility for major meetings and conventions.
KeyArena's status as the premier arena in the Seattle regional marketplace is well established, with the hottest touring shows on the calendar each year as well as our champion WNBA team, the Seattle Storm. This status is augmented by an advantage that no other arena can offer - that of being part of the 74-acre Seattle Center campus, a unique urban park with over 30 resident entertainment organizations, landscaped grounds, an abundance of outdoor attractions and a wide range of dining options within a five-minute walk.
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Sexson Whiffs for the Last Time

2008-07-10T11:15:00.000-07:00

Finally. It's Shabbat come early this week, and the Mariners have--finally--waived Richie Sexson. I assume that this SGB post from Sunday is what finally convinced the (interim) powers that be that Sexson sucks it.

The move raises two questions:

1. What do they do with first base? If the answer has the word Cairo in it, I will climb Mt. Baker with Moisture Fetch and stay at the top forever. Look, we're rebuilding. We don't have anything to rebuild around, but right now that's a detail. Balentien is what we've got, and we need to give him a chance to play every day, like we're (finally, after flip-flopping) giving Clement, sort of. Move Ibanez to DH, move Clement to first, and put Balentien in left. Or give Jeremy Reed another try. At least he was born in the 1980s. But this is a great opportunity to give a young guy some time while getting Ibanez out of left field before he does any more damage.

2. What in the name of Dave Kingman/Gormon Thomas/Rob Deer happened to Richie Sexson? From 1998 to 2006, he slugged .500 every year. Last year, .399. This year, .381, lower than Chipper Jones's batting average. I'm tempted to bring up steroids, but he still hits the occasional moonshot. The guy's got power, that's for sure. But there aren't many power hitters who completely implode at the age of 32. Whatever the reason, I won't miss him or his douchebag hair. I will miss the pursuit of the Richie Sexson hat trick: strikeout swinging, strikeout looking, double play, infield pop.

I H8 Brett Favre

2008-07-08T21:53:00.000-07:00

This is not exactly a Seattle-related issue, but sometimes my irrational hatred of an athlete can spread beyond city limits. That's why I couldn't ignore the latest story about Brett "Look at Me" Favre.

So, the latest story has Favre texting the Packers GM to discuss a possible return. Is this the same Brett Favre who hemmed and hawed for the better part for three season, creating a distraction for his teammates and coaches, and then finally decided to retire?

Seriously, how selfish can this guy be? Aaron Rodgers already has the tough task of trying to replace a man who is bigger than cheese in Wisconsin, but now he's not sure if the job is his while Brett comes to grips with "his itch." The team can't rally around Rodgers until Favre finally stops with his game of "Will I or Won't I." Selfish motherfucker. Why aren't more reporters calling him on this?

I'll admit it. Favre is one of the best quarterbacks ever. His longevity has been amazing, but the media crush on him is outrageous. The adoration of Favre is even greater than the love for other great QBs -- John Elway, Joe Montana -- of yesteryear. Why? Because he is a good old boy who wears Wranglers and hunts.

Let's address the descriptions the media uses for Favre.

1) Gunslinger - This is code for a white quarterback who throws a lot of interceptions. Ever notice how there are no black "gunslinger" quarterbacks. That's because they become Kordell Stewart, last seen manning the QB position on Pros vs. Joes reality TV show.
2) An Everyman - Code for white football player with a substance abuse problem. What do they call a black quarterback with a drug addiction? Cut.

Packer fans, before you get too excited about getting number 4 back, take a look at Favre's two seasons before last season's remarkable season.

2005 - 20 TDs, 29 INTs and QB rating of 70.9
2006 - 18 TDs, 18 INTs and QB rating of 72.7
2007 - 28TDs, 15 INTs and QB rating of 95.7

Ghost Limb

2008-07-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

When I found this next nugget, I got briefly excited, before I realized there was no reason to. According to The Oregonian, Blazers coach Nate McMillan just turned down a contract extension. He has two years left on a 5-year, $30 million deal he signed after leaving the Sonics. He explained his thinking thusly:

"I want to earn it. We haven't done anything here yet, and when my five years is done, I want to make sure they want me and make sure I want to be here."

That sounds to me like a coach with wanderlust. So upon seeing this, my first reaction was, "Wow, maybe he'll come back to the Sonics." Then I remembered that Seattle has no NBA team. Great.

They say that some people who lose limbs still "feel" the missing appendage from time to time, as if it were still there; sometimes it itches or feels tingly. They call it a ghost limb. I guess the Sonics are Seattle's ghost limb. So the question is, will it always feel like this? And in the words of Bill Simmons, is it sports bigamy to root for the Blazers now?

The Anticipation?

2008-07-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

Where is one to find comfort in Seattle's bleak major-sports landscape these days? The Sonics are gone, the Mariners were out of contention before the days started getting shorter, and the Storm...well, maybe someone could page them to see how they're doing. Weather notwithstanding, many around here are looking forward to autumn, and maybe not just because the Seahawks are poised to rubber-stamp their next NFC West crown. Could this be the year the Seahawks' college brethren on Montlake turn it around? Their coach better hope so.

The Huskies have started the last two years tantalizingly well. In 2006, they shocked all by jumping out to a 4-1 record, including an upset of then-undefeated UCLA and a nailbiting loss to USC. But QB injuries collapsed the house of cards, and they ended up 5-7. Last year to start, UW thumped Syracuse on the road, then beat ranked Boise State. No small feat, considering the Broncos were fresh off a historic bowl win, stunning Oklahoma (including Clay Bennett, I hope -- although I may not have known I hoped it at the time) and a certain cheerleader. But the following week, the Huskies couldn't hold an early lead and lost to Ohio State. From there, a once-promising season devolved into a 4-9 campaign, lowlighted by come-from-ahead losses to lowly Arizona and Apple Cup foe Washington State. After letting coach Tyrone Willingham twist in the wind for awhile, UW decided not to fire him.

To be fair, the Huskies played what many deemed the toughest shedule in the country; in addition to the aforementioned out-of-conference teams, Washington also traveled to face Sugar Bowl participant Hawaii. The feeling was that the Huskies made strides despite their crappy record. This year, though -- in jockspeak -- UW has got to step it up and get some W's.

Unfortunately for win-hungry fans, Willingham doesn't schedule Directional Tech or Don Bosco Prep: The College Years. Once again, Washington's out-of-conference schedule looks rough: BYU, Oklahoma and Notre Dame. Yet UW needs to go at least 2-1 in its rugged opening trilogy against Oregon, BYU and Oklahoma (The Sonics Bowl?).

Washington has some horses. Talented redshirt sophomore QB Jake Locker is a duel threat, but he needs to rein in his throws. Some publications have rated recent UW recruiting classes in the top 25. And few Pac-10 teams north of Los Angeles seem to be ascendant at this time.

Willingham has always appeared to be a man of integrity, sometimes to his detriment. He turned an unenviable task at Stanford into a Rose Bowl berth for the Cardinal. He did a better job than you remember at Notre Dame, and his unfortunate ouster after three seasons and a 21-16 record sent Jesuit collars flying. Even waist-challenged savior Charlie Weis' record is only one game better in South Bend than Willingham, and his early success came on the backs of his predecessor's recruits. You think the UW-Notre Dame tilt might get some hype?

However, Willingham's unwillingness to get dirty could be his downfall. He seems reluctant to pluck potential talent from junior colleges and his lack of patience for malfeasance appears genuine. Rick Neuheisel he is not.

But in Year 4 -- nice guy or not -- Willingham must win. And the Huskies should win more then they have. UW looks like a middle-of-the-pac Pac-10 team with a shot at a bowl. But that's thanks to a myriad of craptastic postseason games that make teams feel marginally better about mediocre seasons. If Ty doesn't win, he better watch his back. The AD who pushed for Willingham's retention last year, Todd Turner, is gone. Administration and boosters will likely strike a hands-on-their-hips, toe-tapping pose if early losses mount. Basically, UW needs to make a bowl this year, or else. Or else we'll see Tyrone Willingham go the way of the Sonics -- not necessarily stolen from us by Bob Stoops, but sent off to some other place that will probably appreciate him more, at least for a few years.

This turd, once prized...

2008-07-07T16:16:00.000-07:00

SGB readers know that we view the Sonics settlement in a less than favorable light. I like to think that we traded the team for a large box of turds ($45 million = turd; empty and unenforceable promises from Stern = turd; $30 million subject to legislative approval of public funds = turd). One particular turd was the right to keep the Sonics' name, colors, records, trophies, etc. This was, in my opinion, the prettiest and most coveted turd in the box. Under some scrutiny, however, it appears that this is just an ordinary turd, neither special nor different, with all the defining features you'd expect from a turd.

The common understanding is that Bennett left behind our legacy. But if you look at the settlement agreement - specifically paragraph 6 - you see that it isn't that clear. Bennett retains the rights to the entirety of the Sonics legacy and only has to return it upon (i) a new Seattle team in a renovated Key Arena, (ii) the full and final resolution of Schultz's lawsuit, and (iii) the permanent relocation of the former Sonics to Oklahoma City. [Side note: I'm ignoring the section dealing with an expansion team, since we all know that isn't happening.] Finally, even if we do get a new team, Bennett may use the Sonics legacy in perpetuity as "shared history."

Some thoughts:

1. Based on this settlement, if we get a new team and Bennett feels like it, two NBA teams may hang a 1979 championship banner in their rafters. That's just fucked up.

2. "Key Arena" is not defined in the document. Thus, if we get a renovated arena but secure new naming rights, we might be subject to the approval of an embittered bastard as to whether we're allowed to call ourselves the Sonics. Further, the team must be located in Seattle. So if we build an arena in Renton, Bennett may keep us from being called the Sonics. Awesome.

3. Our rights to the Sonics legacy relies on the outcome of the Schultz trial. This is fucking nuts -- Schultz had nothing to do with the Sonics honoring their lease obligations. He's a legal stranger to this case, but our right to the Sonics name is now subject to his lawsuit. Essentially, Bennett used the incompetence of the city attorney to gain some leverage in a completely unrelated suit.

I'm all out of outrage. I'll just drop this turd back in the box and start focusing on the Mariners and the upcoming football season.

Ichiro's quote of the week

2008-07-07T14:02:00.000-07:00

The Seattle PI had this nice blog post with Ichiro handing out love to Miguel Cairo and doling out a subtle put-down to just about everyone else who is not Japanese. Not to question Ichiro's insight, but Miguel is hitting a robust .231 with an OBP of .307. He's not exactly So Taguchi.

''I personally think that Japanese make the best No. 2 hitters,'' Ichiro said. ''But he (Cairo) is as good as anyone in Japan batting second. Of course, Jose Lopez has done a good job for us batting second, too.

''But Miguel is the first real No. 2 batter I've seen since I came to the U.S.''

Asked what constituted a ''real No. 2 batter,'' Ichiro just tapped the side of his head.

''He understands the mental side of the game.''

New Low; Some Hope

2008-07-07T12:09:00.000-07:00

“Whatever I can do to help this team to win a ballgame, I’ll do it,” says Jamie Burke, Mariners catcher, brought in to blow a save. Uh, if you want to help, how about hitting the ball?

In case you missed it: in a 15-inning standoff, mirroring the epic Wimbledon final (minus the heart and historic play), the Mariners lost 2-1 to the Tigers, with Jamie Burke being called out from behind the plate to throw the fateful, final inning. So Burke can now add an "L" to his illustrious Big League ball stats.

Another bizarre point of optimism from Jim Riggleman, too good not to note: "Burke did a good job for us. . . . He kept it to a one-run game." Jim, you know that we lost in extra innings, right?

Kidding aside, Burke should get credit for stepping up and actually getting two outs before losing the game. And really, the Mariners' offense had plenty of time to win that one before Burke was called out to pitch.

Finally, on a positive note, 24-year-old Mariners' reliever Cesar Jimenez looked good pitching a career high four innings of shutout, giving hope to all who want to see this team rebound.

Sexson Sucks It

2008-07-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

Today, the Mariners trotted out Ryan Rowland-Smith to spot start. And he delivered. He threw five scoreless innings. Nate Robertson had his good stuff for Detroit, too. It was shaping up to be just a great, great game.

In the seventh inning, Raul hit a double with one out. They walked Beltre, naturally, to get to Sexson, and to set up the double play. Sexson worked the count to 2-0. Things were looking pretty good. Robertson was tiring, and Sexson had the count in his favor and could wait for his pitch.

So what happened? Robertson threw a very well-located fastball low and away. Sexson tried to pull it and--surprise--hit a grounder to short. Inning over. You learn in coach pitch when you're eight that you can't pull the low and away fastball. Be a little selective there, guy. Either go with the pitch, or take it. Hell, you strike out look all the time; the concept of taking a strike is nothing new.

The Mariners wound up losing in the 15th inning, and Sexson was a solid 0-6 with four men left on base.

It is time to cut him, or at least bench him. Let Clement get his hacks over there. Call up Balentien and let Raul play first. Call Bob Hamelin out of retirement. Do anything. Just don't let that choking choker choke anymore. You already wasted the money, but you don't have to inflict this on your fans.

Bring us your poor, your tired .... excuses/justifications for the Sonics exit

2008-07-06T09:14:00.000-07:00

It's no surprise, but many Seattle residents are talking about the Sonics move to OK City. In my experience, there are two refrains that seem to be popular among the casual so-called Sonics fans.

1) "We'll get another team soon" -- I even heard one guy say that the NBA would be back within 2 years. His justification? Seattle is too big of a media market to be without an NBA team. Like Los Angeles with the NFL? Or Washington DC with baseball until two years ago? Would the NBA like to make sure all the major media markets are covered with teams? Probably. But will they place teams in all those markets at the expense of a bad arena deal? No way. Also, sorry to break this to you Seattelites, but we are living in the 14th media market. Not exactly a must-have. One ahead of Seattle? Tampa. No NBA team.

2) "Why would we want to pay for a team that wasn't good anyway?" -- This is the worst kind of short-sighted, fair weather comment that I have heard. Even modestly knowledgeable sports fans know that a team's performance tend to cycle. Poorly run teams have a longer trough and shorter peak, but it is cyclical. To make decisions on the long-term future of a team based on short-term performance is moronic. How quickly can fortunes change? The NBA champion Boston Celtics were the worst team in the league last year. How did they go from worst to first? Trading their stockpile of young talent for All-Star players to surround their one superstar. If only we knew of a team with young, talented superstar and a roster full of young, promising players AND a boatload of number 1 picks in the future. If only.

Back to the weeping and gnashing of teeth....

2008-07-05T12:49:00.000-07:00

So, it's finally sinking in that Seattle is no longer an NBA town. Let's be honest; the league won't expand any time soon, and if it does, Seattle isn't going to get a team. (But hey, Mayor Nickels, thanks for keep the colors and name! Good job, guy.) A fitting end to the team that always seemed a throwback: named after a declining industry that made the town in the mid-20th century and has broken Seattle's heart so many times since; with a logo that always seemed a throwback to Walt Hazzard, no matter how many times they tried to update it; the arena reminiscent of a high school gymnasium; a team never willing to pay more than last-decade salaries. They won more than they should have, and I always rooted for them, even when I didn't live here. Now, as oil prices rise and force Boeing to cut back production again and lay off workers, the 'Sonics pull up stakes and head to OKC, to play ball for oil millionaires riding the wave of high oil prices. The irony is almost too much. So, to salve my wounds, let's try to assign a little blame. Let's assess the candidates:

The City of Seattle: This is my first choice for laying blame. Honestly, the City could have ponied up for a new arena, which was not only a much-needed improvement for Key Arena, but was, most likely, a long term financial boon for the city. Simply put, that would have saved the team. The voters rejected the levy, sacrificing any chances of keeping the team in Seattle.

Howard Schultz: Schultz was shocked, SHOCKED!, that a businessman from Oklahoma City, who had made lots of money in Oklahoma City, would buy a team and move it to Oklahoma City, who does not have basketball team, but who rabidly supported the Hornets for the brief time they played there. Jackass. I hate your coffee, and I hate you! The lawsuit is b.s. and nothing more than a PR stunt to save face for delivering our fate into Clay Bennett's greedy little hands.

Clay Bennett: Is he to blame? As much as I hate that he pulled the rug out from under us, his only shady dealing was the not-surprising discovery that he apparently never really had any intention of keeping the team in Seattle. Of course, all that might have worked out differently if the wool socks and Teva crowd hadn't turned out in droves to vote down the new arena.

I'd be curious if anyone else can let me know who to blame before I go through the trouble of making a voodoo doll to represent our moronic voting public.

Give me your violent, your crazy, your recidivist bastards yearning to make it to February

2008-07-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

I apologize to the mourners for interrupting the Sonics-related sad sackery, but there are important, uplifting, burning Seattle sports issues to discuss: namely, the upcoming football season and one solid idea for making our football team not suck this year. And no, I don’t mean the Huskies – I have no idea how to make them stop sucking. I am talking about the Seahawks, the gridiron's nicest guys and former home of the chubbiest star running back since the Bus left Steeltown.

I know it’s hard to get excited about football while the weather’s still warm and the sun’s still shining during dinner. But for me, every year at about this time, I can feel excitement start to build about the coming of fall. Part of this excitement is, no doubt, the proximity of crisp, clear days and the new-school-year optimism embedded deep in my lizard brain. But a big part of the excitement is the approach of a new football season, so filled with nervousness and anticipation back in the Pop Warner days, and now brimming with the promise of drinking beer at 10 o’clock on Sunday mornings and watching Lofa Tatupu punish any running back with the temerity to run between the tackles.

Last year was a bit of a disappointment. Not as much for me as for a friend who picked Shaun Alexander first in his fantasy draft, but neverthless a disappointment to watch so much talent being squandered. But this year, I’ve got hopes. And I’ve got one solid idea for how we can turn our guys into the Emerald City marauders we need to be to make it to the big game.

We need more criminals.

That’s right. It’s no secret that some teams have achieved great success by keeping known felons in their ranks. Indeed, the examples of excellent individual acquisitions are too many to catalog here. But perhaps no team has utilized the criminally-inclined more effectively than America’s Team: the Dallas Cowboys. And frankly, I’m sick of seeing Jerry Jones's band of rogues win at the expense of our guys in green, and I think it’s time we steal a page from their rap sheet.

But first, let’s look at some fish that got away:

Terry “Tank” Johnson, for example, has been a successful acquisition for America’s Team. Having been arrested numerous times on a variety of charges, including illegal firearm possession and assault of a police officer, Johnson was dropped by the Bears. Career over? No way. The Cowboys were more than happy to scoop him up and plant him in the middle of a very effective D Line. The kicker: as a former Husky, the Seahawks were in prime position to add Tank to their arsenal in the 2004 draft. Who did they pick instead? Marcus Tubbs, who in 2007 had no felonies and no sacks.

Adam “Pacman” Jones is perhaps the most brilliant, and most felonious, Cowboy acquisition in recent memory. Sure, he sat out the entire 2007 season for making it rain just a little too hard, but his return promises to be spectacular, and will give the Cowboys their first true lockdown corner since Neon Deion left to be co-host of the 700 Club. Just looking at the numbers, it’s clear that Seattle should have snapped him up on the cheap: even taking the 2007 goose egg into account, Pacman’s three-year career average of 1.33 interceptions and 38.33 tackles per season outguns the 1 interception and 35 tackles Kelly Jennings recorded in his first and only season as a Hawks’ corner.

And aside from those two criminally good acquisitions, the Cowboys have been just as effective at growing their own, so to speak. The roster of Cowboy outlaws is too long to go into detail: Nate Newton, Michael Irvin, Erik Williams, Hollywood Henderson . . . . We all know that Rae Carruth would be running patterns in Arlington if only he’d had Johnny Cochran as his lawyer.

So, where does that leave us nice guys? Perhaps we can score the former Bengals' WR Chris Henry, who, based on last season’s on and off field performances, promises to be very bad, and very good, in years to come. But who else is there that we can acquire? There must be someone, and we just need to be on the lookout. For example: he runs a 4.0 forty but gets in a fight every Friday night? Awesome; bail him out and suit him up in Seattle. He benches 225 forty-five times but has failed every drug test since the combines? Great! From your lock-up to our locker room, we’re happy to have him.

I think Paul Allen and crew just need to start scouring the police blotters for franchise talent. Hell, maybe with two or three more violent criminals, we could be America’s team.

Sonics Coda

2008-07-03T13:28:00.000-07:00

I went down to the Sonics team store to buy some of the history Clay Bennett so graciously declined to take to Oklahoma. A guy was walking out with a box as tall as he was. It held a nearly-life-size Kevin Durant bobblehead. Inside, a line of about 25 waited to buy dwindling supplies of Sonics stuff at 75% off. Behind me in line, a female Sonics employee talked on the phone about her future with the team and whether she would move to Oklahoma City.

"I've had better days." That was the response of the cashier to the rhetorical question of how he was doing. I bought a Sonics hat, a long-sleeved Durant t-shirt and a nylon Sonics wallet. Price: $15.25, down from $55.97. I pocketed a Sonics keychain flashlight. It was my symbolic pound of flesh for the theft of the team from Seattle. Outside, the KeyArena message board flashed information about an upcoming Neil Diamond concert.

A few hours after the Sonics settlement came down, I saw an exceedingly strange movie called "My Winnipeg." In it, director Guy Maddin narrates a phantasmagoric analysis of why he has been unable to leave his lifelong home, which comes across as the Buffalo of Canada.

One of the things Maddin laments is the departure of his beloved NHL team, the Winnipeg Jets; they bolted for hockey-mad Phoenix in 1996. For Maddin, this was a personal insult. His mother gave birth to him in a locker room of the old Winnipeg Arena while his dad was coaching a game. So Maddin perceived a small victory when it came time to implode the old barn. The first round of dynamite only destroyed the sections of the arena added on when the Jets joined the NHL. That the main frame withstood the initial explosion convinced Maddin it was a sign -- of what, who knows?

So what small victory can Sonics fans take from their team's departure? Bland bromides from city leaders about the possibility of a new team at an unspecified later date? Really, we're just left with a settlement larded with more dependent clauses than a nursing home full of Santas. Seattle, meet Winnipeg. Maybe you can go to the Neil Diamond show together.

The Inevitable

2008-07-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

These "contests" are always as predictable as a Harlem Globetrotters-Washington Generals tilt. In the role of the Globetrotters: David Stern and Clay Bennett; reprising the role of the Generals: Sonics fans.

By definition, as fans we invest an inordinate amount of time, energy and emotion into our teams. We're still kids rooting for our heroes. And then the grownups with money come along and show us how deluded we've been to hitch our hopes to a team's wagon. Fans of the old Cleveland Browns, Baltimore Colts and many others know how this day feels.

Save for a few franchises, every NBA fan should realize this could happen to their team. Yet this is a strangely local story. Check the major sports websites, and the Sonics' move is getting national play somewhere between Baron Davis' signing with the Clippers and LeBron James playing kissy-face with Jay-Z.

In the end, we didn't have a chance. A settlement is the best the little guy could ever hope for, even without a guarantee of a future franchise. Congratulations Oklahoma City. Enjoy it now, because in 10 years when the crowds shrink and your arena is no longer state-of-the-art, you'll know how we feel.

A two sport town

2008-07-02T17:21:00.000-07:00

Although I knew for months that this was the only realistic outcome, I'm somehow still affected. Part of me still clung to the slimmest of hopes that a last-minute miracle would save our team. It's probably the same part that convinced me to buy season tickets and to sit through a 20-win season. The same part that cheered madly during each tiny victory in the season (a breakaway dunk... a flash of brilliance from Durant... PJ waking up long enough to bench Watson). At every jump ball, I knew that we probably wouldn't win, but a small part of me always held out hope for a miracle or two.

It was the part of me that was a fan. The part that believed that our Sonics -- no matter how outmatched -- had a chance every night, no matter who they faced.

This is a blow to fans of all sports in all cities. It underlines the fact any sports franchise is subject to the whim and caprice of a very small number of very rich people. Any team can move at any time and the fans are helpless.

I'm extra, extra fucking bummed.

What now?

2008-07-02T16:27:00.000-07:00

I grew up in Texas and started watching football when I was 7. That was the year Earl Campbell won the Heisman and then got drafted by the Oilers. (Yes, by SGB standards, I'm an old man.) I was hooked on the Oilers, even through the Hugh Campbell years. And even, somewhat to my shame, through the move to Tennessee. I saw no reason to give up my allegiance to a team just because Bud Adams is a rat-fink. To this day, I've got a place in my heart for the Titans.

I have no such place for the Sonics.

So. Assuming the Sonics are gone, what's a Seattle basketball fan to do?

Blazers? I know a lot of Seattle fans who can't stomach the thought. Me, I haven't been here long enough to hate them. In fact, I've only been here long enough to have huge admiration for Nate McMillan and to think they're putting together a hell of a team down there.

Huskies? I'm more of an NBA guy myself. But I love the atmosphere at Hec Ed. I just wish you didn't have to be an actuary to figure out their damned season-ticket system.

Maybe it's time to move on from basketball altogether. How are the Thunderbirds doing these days?

So the Sonics have just broken up with us. Who'll be our rebound team?